Search — Ned Martin’s Amused

Ned Martin’s Amused Categories

aboriginal accidents advertising aeroplanes africa agony aunt alcohol alligators alphabet america animals animated apple apples april fools art asian audio australia babies balloons bananas banks batman beaches bears beds beer bikes billboards bill gates birds blonde board games boats bones boobs books bras bread brisbane britain browsers bsod bugs bunnies buses business cards calendars camping canada cars cartoons carving cats chairs charts cheating chickens children chocolate chrome clippit cocaine coffee comics communist computer games computers condoms cooking cows crocodiles crocs daleks darth vader dating dear abby democracy dinosaurs disaster doctors dogs dolphins donkeys driving drugs drunk dr who ducks earth earthquake easter education eggs einstein elderly elephants emus english evolution exams explosions facebook families famous people fashion feminine hygiene feminists fire firefox fish fishing flash flies flowcharts fonts food football france frogs fruit funerals games gay geeky george bush germany giraffes girls grammar guns halloween hands harry potter hats heaven history horror movies horses ikea illusion imagery internet internet explorer ios ipad iphone iphone 6 ireland irish it jail jewish jobs joke jokes kangaroos kevin rudd kitchens kittens koalas kookaburras kristen stewart languages laptops libraries lightbulbs linux lions logan lord of the rings love mac magpies marijuana mario marriage math mayans medical memory men messages meth mexico microsoft milk mobiles money monopoly moose mothers motorbikes movies movie stars music musicians muslim newspapers new zealand ninjas nokia north korea notices nsw obama ocd opera otters paper parenting parking parrots penguins petrol phones photography pie charts pigs pirates pizza police political posters predictions pregnancy protests puns quotations r2-d2 rabbits racing racist racoons rallies redheads redneck reincarnation relationships religious rice risqué roads robots rocks romance safari samsung school science seagulls seals sex sexist sharks ships shirts shoes shopping shops signs sms snakes snow spelling spiders sport spying sql star wars steve jobs stickers superman tattoos teachers technology telstra terrorism the rock toilets tongues tools toys trees trucks tshirts turtles tv underwear university usb vegetables vintage war warnings whales wifi wikileaks windows wine witches women woolworths words work zebras zombies

Search Ned Martin’s Amused

Ned Martin’s Amused Pages

Advertising, Cigarettes, Imagery, Risqué, Sexist, VintageBlow In Her Face
Blow in her face and she'll follow you anywhere.
Bananas, Chris Brown, Food, Imagery, RihannaChris Brown & Rihanna Bananas
I can’t believe she didn’t press charges. It got worse when he posted the unpeeled photos of her.
Food, ImageryLittle Green Balls Of Death
Little Green Balls of Death
Animals, Cats, Dogs, ImageryCat: The Dog Went Missing
Cat: The dog went missing? Hahaha! Hahaha! I’m sorry human. Hahaha… no seriously, I’m so sad…
Animals, Giraffes, Imagery, SpidersGiraffe Spider
A giraffe spots a spider…
Crocs, Friday The 13th, Imagery, Jason Voorhees, Movies, ShoesJason Voorhees Gets Crocs
Jason Voorhees (Friday the 13th) gets Crocs.
Animals, Horses, Imagery, SeahorsesSeahorse
I’m a seahorse. Your argument is invalid.
Cars, Imagery, PetrolThe Bank Account Gas Ratio
The depressing ratio between your bank account, and your gas tank.
Bill Gates, Imagery, Mario, North Korea, Star Wars, WinrarThe Good Guys Of The World
These are the Good Guys of the World.
Animals, Cats, Imagery, SmsCat Facts
Thanks for signing up for Cat Facts!
Cars, ReligiousRoad Rage
Two cars were waiting at a stoplight. The light turned green, but the man didn’t notice it…
Advertising, Cooking, Imagery, Sexist, VintageCook – That’s What Wives Are For!
The Chef does everything but cook – that’s what wives are for!
AudioTelstra Customer Service
An insight into the Telstra Customer Service Experience.
GrammarI. Like. It. How. When. You. Read. This. The. Little. Voice. In. Your. Head. Takes. Pauses.
I. Like. It. How. When. You. Read. This. The. Little. Voice. In. Your. Head. Takes. Pauses.
ImageryProblem Solving Flowchart
A simple, and humorous, flowchart that successfully troubleshoots almost any problem you can think of.
Geeky, ImageryDelete Cookies
Delete cookies?!
Animals, Business, Dogs, ImageryAssistant Branch Manager
The Branch Manager and the Assistant Branch Manager.
Jokes, Punography, PunsPunography
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me…
Animals, Boobs, Imagery, SlothsLook At This Boob
Look at this boob. This is a nice boob.
Imagery, MoviesTitanic Ice Bucket Challenge
Titanic ALS Ice Bucket Challenge: “I accept your ice water challenge”.
SexistA Love Story With A Happy Ending
Once upon a time, a bloke asked a girl “Will you marry me?”
Cars, Imagery, Roads, SignsTired? Powernap Now.
Tired? Powernap now.
PoliticalScientific Breakthrough – Governmentium
A major research institution recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named Governmentium.
Animals, Imagery, ZebrasZebra Crossing
Zebra Crossing…
Illusion, ImageryTwelve Or Thirteen?
Wait until the group changes position. Is it twelve or thirteen?
Disclaimer, Copyright & Contact Information
Feel free to send me anything you think might amuse me.
Animals, Fish, Imagery, Love, Romance, SmsAnyways, Best Of Luck Finding Your Fish
Long story short, we’re in love. I know it seems sudden but life is sudden like that, you know? Anyways, best of luck finding your fish.
Australia, France, Imagery, Racist, RisquéAustralian Kiss
Australian Kiss: same as a French Kiss… but down under.
ImagerySmile
Smile…
Imagery, MenI'd Rather Break My Arms Than Take Two Trips
I'd rather break my arms than take two trips.
Animals, Drugs, Imagery, RabbitsHigh Rabbits
Two rabbits getting high on marijuana.
Animals, Food, ImageryBoiled Lobster
“I hate the way they scream when you boil them!”
ImageryEmoticons
Lots of emoticons…
RisquéMickey Mouse
One day, Mickey Mouse decided that he wanted a divorce…
Cars, Imagery, TrucksDriver Is Fully Naked
Driver carries less than $50 cash and is fully naked.
ReligiousThe Atheist & The Bear
The Atheist and the Religious Bear
Boobs, Imagery, RisquéWater Enhanced Breasts
Water Enhanced Breasts…
Animals, Birds, Chickens, Imagery, Rock And RollChook Heavy Metal Guitarist
A heavy metal guitarist chicken
Apple, Boobs, Fashion, Imagery, Ios, Risqué, ShirtsSlide To Unlock
A woman wearing a shirt: Slide to Unlock.
Babies, Imagery, PregnancyHow Babies Are Made
How babies are made (with an air pump).
Computers, Geeky, ImagerySpeed Reader
Wow you read that fast! You must be a speed reader!
Animals, Cows, ImageryA Cow Getting A Back Scratch
A cow getting a back scratch.
Animals, Imagery, SharksSharks Are A Lot Friendlier Without Pointy Teeth
Sharks are a lot friendlier without pointy teeth.
Boobs, Imagery, Risqué, Sexist, WorkJob Application
Sexist job application.
Imagery, Marriage, Onions, People, ProposingProposing With An Onion
Proposing with an onion: Guaranteed to cry.
Dear Thigh Fat
Help the needy?
Animals, Apples, Cats, Imagery, MathSeven Cats
If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?
Girls, Imagery, WorkForgot I Was Sharing My Screen With Her
I was on an online conference call with a cute sounding girl, and googled her name out of curiosity. Forgot I was sharing my screen with her.
Imagery, RisquéThumb War
One, two three, four. I declare a thumb war…
Calendars, Comics, Imagery, MayansThe Mayan Calendar
I only had enough room to go up to 2012…
Computers, GeekyMessage From Your IT Deptartment
Message from your IT Deptartment…
Canada, Flutes, Imagery, SignsCanada Has A Serious Epidemic
Protect yourself and others from the flute.
Animals, Cars, Children, Girls, Horses, ImageryNo Pony For Christmas
No pony for Christmas? No window for driving!
Dinosaurs, Imagery, Political, SpyingIf You’re Not Doing Anything Wrong, You Shouldn’t Have Anything To Hide
The government says “If you’re not doing anything wrong, you shouldn’t have anything to hide.” If that is true, shouldn’t the government declassify everything?
Cars, PoliceSpeed Camera
Speed camera revenge…
Animals, Dogs, Driving, Imagery, SexistDog Decides Better Driver
My wife believes she is a better driver. I let our dog decide.
Babies, Imagery, Kanye West, Kim Kardashian, Phones, Sms, Taylor Swift, TwitterYo I’m Happy For You And Imma Let You Finish But…
[Twitter] Taylor Swift: @KimKardashian @kanyewest Yo I’m happy for you and imma let you finish but Beyonce had one of the best labours of all time.
Alligators, America, Animals, Australia, Bears, Birds, Crocodiles, Europe, Imagery, Moose, Puma, Rabbits, Sharks, Snakes, SpidersMost Dangerous Animals
How people in the colonies are still alive is beyond me…
Imagery, TurtlesA Wee Turtle
A wee turtle…
Imagery, SexistRealistic Remotes
Some more useful remote controls we would like to see.
Imagery, UniversityUniversity Website
Things on the front page of a university website.
Imagery, Risqué, SupermanSuper Boner
Super-boner: A super problem.
Imagery, PhonesJester App
Sorry–you've been replaced by an app…
Australia, Banks, ImageryAustralian Banks
Australian Bank Logos.
Animals, Imagery, Nuclear Power, SpidersSpider Farm
This seems like a disaster waiting to happen…
Capitalism, Imagery, PoliticalSuffering From Capitalism
Feeling sad and depressed? Are you anxious? Worried about the future? Feeling isolated and alone? You might be suffering from Capitalism.
Advertising, ImageryColgate Dental Floss Advertising Campaign
Colgate have created an ingenious campaign to promote their dental floss.
Cartoons, Fire, Imagery, StairsIn Case Of Fire, Take Stairs
In case of fire, take stairs.
April Fools, Imagery, Pizza, Salad, WorkThis Is How Workplace Violence Starts
This is how workplace violence starts…
Boats, Burials, Cemetries, Funerals, Imagery, SexistBoat Funeral
A funeral procession pulled into a cemetery. Several carloads of family members followed a black truck towing a boat with a coffin in it…
Acid, Animals, Cats, Cocaine, Coffee, Drugs, Heroin, Imagery, Marijuana, Mushrooms, Shrooms, WeedDrug Cats
An illustrated cat-guide to drugs…
Cars, Imagery, PoliceMisleading The Public
$100 for speeding and $250 for misleading the public…
Imagery, Keith Urban, MusiciansKeith Urban Accepted As Genuine Humanoid
Clint Felmingham: Did you know? Keith Urban is accepted by many Americans as a genuine humanoid/musician. Urban, a polymer composite (90% polyethene, 8% alcohol, 2% minor celebrity), was manufactured in Caboolture, Australia in 1987..
Risqué, Sexist, ViagraDealing With Hunger Pangs
A woman asks her partner at breakfast time, “Would you like some bacon and eggs a slice of toast and, maybe, some grapefruit juice and coffee?”
Animals, Imagery, SharksFlying Sharks
Flying sharks… we’re screwed.
Illusion, ImageryConfused Carpentry
A Carpenter’s Nightmare.
Computer Games, Imagery, MarioIt’s A-me, Mario!
Mario emerging from a drainpipe.
America, Australia, Birds, Horror Movies, Imagery, MagpiesAustralian Horror Story
American Horror Story versus Australian Horror Story
ImageryElephant Bone
…just to confuse future archaeologists.
Alcohol, Animated, Fire, Imagery, Racist, Russia, SneezingIn Russia People Sneeze Fire
In Russia people sneeze fire after drinking lots of vodka.
Animals, Imagery, Internet, RabbitsStop Surfing The Internet And Just Go To Bed
Holy crap! Look how late it is! Why do I always do this? Why is it so hard to stop surfing the internet and just go to bed?
Geeky, ImageryIPad Stone
iPad versus a stone.
Babies, ImageryResisting A Rest
If I refuse to nap… is that resisting a rest?
ImageryCaution: Door May Open
Caution: Door May Open.
Cycling, Drugs, SportI Think It Is Just Terrible And Disgusting How Everyone Has Treated Lance Armstrong
I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved, winning seven Tour de France races while on drugs. When I was on drugs, I couldn’t even find my bike.
Bikes, Imagery, NoticesBicycles Chained To These Railings Will Be Removed Without Notice.
Bicycles chained to these railings will be removed without notice. This is a notice, you idiot!
Imagery, RisquéAdult Dog Store
A dog carries an inflatable leg from an Adult Dog Store.
Africa, Animals, Imagery, Lions, SafarisShould I Tell Them I’m Here?
Should I tell them I’m here?
Imagery, Musicians, Rolling Stones, ZombiesZombies!
Zombies! Oh, wait… false alarm, it’s just the Rolling Stones… carry on!
Doorbells, Imagery, Logan, RacistLogan Doorbell
To ring door bell, connect wires.
Imagery**** I Forgot To Turn Off The Oven
**** I forgot to turn off the oven.
Animals, ImageryCat Legs
There really isn’t much else to say about this.
Darth Vader, Imagery, Kristen StewartMore Expressions Than Kristen Stewart
Still more expressions than Kristen Stewart.
Awards, Imagery, Jobs, Roads, WorkThe Winner Of The “Not My Job” Award
The Winner of the “Not My Job” Award goes to…
Animals, Dogs, ImageryFunny Dog
The longer you look, the funnier it gets!
SexistWinter Classes For Men
Winter Classes for Men at the Learning Centre for Adults
Animals, Bears, Guns, ImageryWhat Is The Smallest Calibre You Trust To Protect Yourself?
I remember one time while hiking with my girlfriend in northern Alberta and out of nowhere came this huge brown bear charging us, and was she mad!
America, RacistAmerican State Mottos
American State Mottos…
Animals, Chocolate, Dogs, Heaven, ImageryA Dog Dies: Can I Have Chocolate?
A dog dies and finds out chocolate killed him.
Imagery, Paper, SignsIs It Me You’re Looking For?
Hello? Is it me you’re looking for?
SexistEx Wife
The police came to my front door last night holding a picture of my ex-wife…
Al Qaeda, Bin Laden, Imagery, Political, TerrorismI Usually Get 9/11
I don’t always get rated on my terrorism attacks, but when I do, I usually get 9/11.
100 Guidelines On Becoming An Evil Villain
World domination is everyone’s dream. It’s not a bad job really…
Animals, Imagery, Seals, SharksDo Not Consume If Seal Is Broken!
Do not consume if seal is broken!
Alcohol, Animals, Dogs, Imagery, Skateboards, Smoking, WineBad Dog Is Banned From The Park
I don’t know who this dog is or why he is banned from this park, but he certainly seems like a lot of fun.
Apple, Imagery, Iphone, Iphone 6, PhonesIPhone 6: Bend It Like Beckham
iPhone 6: Bend it like Beckham.
Boobs, SexistTen Things Men Know About Women
Ten things men know about women…
Chinese, Imagery, Racist, Tattoos, WomenIf Chinese People Tattooed Lame English Words On Themselves…
If Chinese people tattooed lame English words on themselves…
Animals, Cats, Dogs, ImageryDear Dog
Dear Dog… a letter from the cat.
Bathrooms, Imagery, SignsYou Look Fine
Instead of a mirror, a sign “you look fine”.
Balloons, Cars, ImageryMissile Balloons
Missile Balloons.
Boats, Imagery, IslandsBoat! Land!
Boat! Land!
Alligators, Animals, Crocodiles, ImageryHow To Tell Alligators And Crocodiles Apart
It’s not that difficult to tell alligators and crocodiles apart…
Dads, Imagery, Jokes, Phones, SmsSometimes I Sit On The Floor And Put My Arms Around My Knees And Lean Forward
Dad: Sometimes I sit on the floor and put my arms around my knees and lean forward. Daughter: Huh? Dad: Cuz that’s how I roll!
Bananas, Fruit, ImageryAppealing Attire
I find this attire… appeeling.
Food, Geeky, ImageryLOL For Lunch
Ordering linguini for lunch always boosts morale.
Imagery, Risqué, Tape Measures, ToolsBreakdown Of A Man’s Tape Measure Usage
Breakdown of a man’s tape measure usage
Boobs, Imagery, Risqué, SexistAmazing Hidden Images
Amazing Hidden Images!
Dating, Imagery, Relationships, SexistAnd Then I Said
And Then I Said… The Differences Between Boys & Girls.
Jewish, RacistBacon Tree
Back in cowboy times, a westbound wagon train was lost and low on food…
Alcohol, Food, Imagery, VodkaVodka Diet: Lose 3 Days In 1 Week
Vodka Diet: Lose 3 Days in 1 Week.
Imagery, Jobs, Pie Charts, Statistics, WorkChance Of Keeping Your Job If You’re Wrong More Than 75% Of The Time
Chance of keeping your job if you’re wrong more than 75% of the time.
Bags, Imagery, ShoppingI’ll Be Bag
A bag titled “I’ll Be Bag”
Emoji, Imagery, Phones, SmsEmoji
Alien blood transfusions are illegal for ghosts, but beach chickens win!
Animals, Imagery, SharksShark! What?
Shark! What?
Accidents, Aeroplanes, Imagery, LuggageClosing Airline Luggage Doors
Closing Airline Luggage Doors.
Imagery, Kitchens, Sexist, WomenFor Too Long The Voice Of Women Has Been Silenced
For too long the voice of women has been silenced. It’s time they had microphones in kitchens.
ImageryProof That Not Knowing Everything Is The Best Way To Go
Proof that not knowing everything is the best way to go.
Advertising, Imagery, Sexist, Shoes, VintageWhere She Belongs
Keep her where she belongs…
Apple, Bill Gates, Computers, Heaven, Imagery, Microsoft, Phones, Religious, Steve Jobs, WindowsSteve Jobs & Bill Gates Discuss Heaven
Steve Jobs & Bill Gates Discuss Heaven: It doesn’t have any wall or fence…
Comics, Education, ImageryUnused Diploma.
I’d like to return this. It’s unused. This is your diploma. Cash is fine.
Apple, Computers, Imagery, Religious, Steve JobsHe’s Gonna Upgrade Your Tablets…
Moses, meet Steve. He’s gonna upgrade your tablets…
Alcohol, ImagerySlimming Drink
You look so much better after a glass or two!
Animals, Cats, Ducks, Imagery, SeagullsCat Duck
The Amazing Cat Duck! Or perhaps Cat Seagull?
WorkHow To Get A Day Off Work
How to get time off in the public service…
Advertising, Gay, Imagery, Ovaltine, VintageTo Wake Up Gay In The Morning…
To wake up gay in the morning just try this at Bedtime Tonight!
Imagery, Ocd, ShirtsI Have CDO. It’s Like OCD But All The Letters Are In Alphabetical Order.
I have CDO. It’s like OCD but all the letters are in alphabetical order. As they should be.
Religious, Risqué, WorkCorporate Lessons
Corporate lessons.
Blonde, Cars, SexistBlondeStar
What to do when you’re locked inside your car, and the keys are outside…
Children, Parenting, SportChild Beating
A seven year old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama…
Flash, ImageryVision Test
Vision Test.
Marriage, SexistSecrets To A Happy Marriage
Secrets to a Happy Marriage…
RisquéThe Hypnotist
It was entertainment night at the senior centre and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill…
America, Guns, RacistWhat Do You Call A Gun Enthusiast?
You may have heard on the news about a Southern California man who was put under 72-hour psychiatric observation when it was found he owned 100 guns and allegedly had 100,000 rounds of ammunition stored in his home…
Animals, Cats, Egyptians, Hieroglyphics, ImageryAncient Egyptians: Posting Cats To Their Walls Since 3150 BC
Ancient Egyptians: Posting cats to their walls since 3150 BC
Horror MoviesIf You Are Lonely, Dim All Lights
If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror movie. After a while it won’t feel like you’re alone anymore.
Advertising, Billboards, ImageryThere Are Two Rules For Success
There are two rules for success: Never reveal everything you know…
Beer, ChartsBeer Troubleshooting Chart
Beer Troubleshooting Chart.
Children, Parenting, Risqué“Hi Honey. This Is Daddy. Is Mummy Near The Phone?”
Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mummy near the phone?
SexistGuts Or Balls?
We’ve all heard about men having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them?
Guns, Imagery, ToastToast Toasts Toast?
If guns don’t kill people, people kill people, does that mean…
Advertising, Apple, Imagery, Iphone, Phones, TechnologyIPhone 10 – The Tallest IPhone Yet
A mock-up of the iPhone 10, after the launch of the “taller” iPhone5.
Irish, Racist, ReligiousAn Irish Daughter Had Not Been To Her Parent's House For Over Five Years...
An Irish daughter had not been to her parent’s house for over five years…
Animals, Beds, Dinosaurs, ImageryT-Rex Making A Bed
When you’re upset just imagine a T-Rex making a bed.
Geeky, ImageryVoice
Scrooge and Donald on IRC.
Sexist, WomenWords Women Use
Words women use, and what they really mean.
Board Games, ImageryMarry Me
Scrabble Edition.
AudioPsychiatric Answering Machine
A Psychiatric Office Answering Machine.
Animals, Dogs, Imagery, Werewolves, WolvesAware Wolf
A werewolf. A wearwolf. A warewolf. Aware wolf.
Imagery, R2-d2, Star Wars, TvThe Most Vulgar Character Of All Time
R2D2: They beeped out every single word he said
Imagery, Mafia, RecruitersRecruiters Are One Step Above The Mafia
Recruiters are one step above the Mafia…
Elderly, Hearing Aids, ImageryExpensive Hearing Aid
A man was telling his neighbour, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.”
Animals, Cats, Imagery, KittensNo Sitz
I be here!
Animals, JokePygmy Dinosaur Hunter
The Pygmy Dinosaur Hunter…
English, Grammar, ImageryComforting A Grammar Nazi
When comforting a grammar nazi, I always say softly, “there, their, they’re”
Aztecs, Imagery, Mayans, OreosMayan, Aztec And Oreos
Mayan, Aztec and Oreos…
Animals, Imagery, Spiders, ZombiesZombie Apocalypse Spider
I laugh at your claims to bravely take on a zombie apocalypse, when most of you can’t stand up to a spider.
ImageryPositive For Coke
You’re fired Jack, the lab results just came back and you tested positive for Coke.
Comics, Guns, Hands, ImageryHands In The Air!
Hands in the air! Now wave them around like you just don’t care!
Cars, ImagerySideways Car
It’s a little confusing…
Alcohol, Goon, Imagery, Logan, Police, RacistLargest Goon Bust In Logan’s History
Logan police in conjunction with the A.F.P. hauled in the largest goon bust in Logan’s history. With an estimated street value of $39.
Animals, Dogs, ImageryFree Puppy
Free puppy…
Hands, Imagery, Risqué, Valentine’s DayValentine Hand
Of course I’ll be your valentine. Let’s stay home and watch some porn.
Roadwork, Shovels, WorkersWe Forgot Our Shovels
A road crew foreman calls into the shop. Foreman: “We have a problem.”
Cars, SexistHow To Change Your Oil
How to Change your Oil: A guide for men & women…
Animals, Cats, ImageryJust Wait Until I’m Fully Charged
Just wait until I’m fully charged…
Geeky, Imagery, Sexist, WomenHazardous Materials Data Sheet – Woman
Hazardous Materials Data Sheet – Woman.
Einstein, Imagery, Phones, TechnologyThe Day Einstein Feared
The day that Einstein feared may have finally arrived.
Money, SexistFemale Financial Planning
Women are so much better at financial planning than men.
America, Guns, Imagery, Police, RacistAnd I Was All Like, Pew Pew Pew!
And I was all like, pew pew pew! Pew pew pew! ‘Merica!
Mayans, PredictionsMayans Predicting The Future
Calm down… If the Mayans were good at predicting the future, there would still be Mayans.
Babies, ImageryWomb Service
Hello, Womb Service? I’d like a double order of hot wings…
Dogs, ImageryMy Dog Bailey Tried To Steal Stuff Out Of My Daughter’s Purse.
My dog Bailey tried to steal stuff out of my daughter’s purse. He got stuck and came over to me for help.
Food, ImageryBreakfast Alive
What happens if you wait too long before eating your breakfast?
PhrasesWhen Someone Yells “STOP”…
When someone yells “STOP”, I never know if it’s in the name of love, it’s Hammertime, or I should collaborate and listen…
GeekyQ209354 - HOWTO
How to RTFM…
Fruit, Grapes, ImageryBeware The Grapes Of Wrath
Beware the Grapes of Wrath.
Education, Imagery, School, TeachersExplain These Bad Grades
1969: A child’s parents blame him for his bad grades. Today: A child’s parents blame his teacher for his bad grades.
Animated, Coffee, ImageryAnimated Coffee
Coffee with emotion.
Animals, Australia, Cats, Horse Racing, Horses, Imagery, Jockeys, Melbourne Cup, SportMelbourne Cup Cat Horse
Melbourne Cup Cat Horse.
America, Canada, RacistU.S. Ship Versus Canadian
U.S. Ship versus Canadian.
Imagery, RacistHas One Night Stand
Has one night stand, but way too many books to fit on it.
Imagery, MilkLying About Skim Milk
There’s only one thing I hate more than lying. Skim milk, which is water that’s lying about being milk.
Racist, RedneckA Redneck Love Poem
Susie Lee done fell in love…
Girls, Imagery, Moon, Photography, Sexist, Space, WomenWent To The Moon, Took 5 Photos. Went To The Bathroom, Took 37 Photos.
Went to the moon, took 5 photos. Went to the bathroom, took 37 photos.
CarsMini Cooper
A guy driving a Mini Cooper pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce…
Accidents, Food, ImageryMilkshake Meets Door
A woman runs into a door carrying two milkshakes.
Driving, Sexist, WomenDamn Women Drivers
This morning on the freeway, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Cadillac doing 110…
RacistOnly In America...
Only in America…
Imagery, SportHandegg
Football versus Handegg: It’s not football…
Animals, Books, Dolphins, Imagery, LibrariesTo Punch A Dolphin In The Mouth
5 very good reasons to punch a dolphin in the mouth.
Advertising, Boobs, Imagery, Sexist, VintageSabrina Projects
Sabrina demonstrates the world’s finest projection equipment…
Advertising, Imagery, Sexist, Sweaters, VintageMen Are Better Than Women!
Indoors, women are useful — even pleasant. On a mountain they are something of a drag. So don’t go hauling them up a cliff…
Books, Imagery, Racist, ShopsWong Fook Hing Book Store
If you cannot find the book that you are looking for, then you’re obviously in the… Wong Fook Hing Book Store!
Children, Imagery, Sexist, ToysTo Avoid Perpetuating Gender Stereotypes
To avoid perpetuating gender stereotypes, I gave my daughter a mix of dolls and toy cars to play with. This is what happened…
Children, Grace, Prayers, ReligiousSix Year Old Praying
A mother invited some people to dinner…
Computer Games, Imagery, SexistCall Of Duty: Women’s Edition
Call of Duty: Women’s Edition.
Computers, ImageryChecking On A Slow Progress Bar
Checking on a slow progress bar.
RacistAmerican History 101
American History 101
Breakfast, ImageryHow Did You Get In My House?
If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple “Thank you” is all I need. Not all this “How did you get in my house?” business.
Geeky, ImageryCaps Lock
A visual representation of the use of caps lock.
Marriage, Religious, Sexist, WivesGood & Obedient Wives
And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world…
Imagery, Marriage, Men, WomenMarriage Secrets Of Highly Successful Couples
Marriage secrets of highly successful couples.
Imagery, LegoWhat Lego Does When We Aren’t Looking
What legos do when we aren’t looking
Beer, Geeky, Imagery, WorkUltimate Camouflage
An office beer fridge…
Bankruptcy, Divorce, Imagery, LiquorBankruptcy, Divorce, Liquor
Bankruptcy, Divorce, Liquor.
Imagery, Sexist, TalkingWomen Use About 30,000 Words A Day
Did you know that women use about 30,000 words a day while men use only 15,000?
Imagery, PhotographyOlympus Fights Back
Olympus Fights Back: Canon versus Olympus
Imagery, Winnie The PoohPooh Everywhere
Watch your step, there’s pooh everywhere!
Risqué, SexistThe Perfect Password
A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, the computer advised him that he would now need to enter a password…
Animals, Boobs, Bras, Cats, ImageryBooby Trap
Nooo! It’s a booby trap!
ImageryTechnically Correct
…but still wrong.
Animals, Imagery, SpidersLet’s All Take A Moment And Be Thankful That Spiders Don’t Fly.
Let’s all take a moment and be thankful that spiders don’t fly!
Helpful Hints
Helpful Hints
Books, Imagery, Sexist“Understanding Women” Now Available In Paperback
The book “Understanding Women” is now available in paperback!
Anatidaephobia, Animals, Ducks, ImageryAnatidaephobia
Anatidaephobia is the fear that somewhere in the world, there is a duck watching you.
Imagery, Psychotherapists, SignsPsycho The Rapist
Psycho the Rapist It’s one word George!
Atoms, Imagery, SignsDo Not Trust Atoms
Do not trust atoms. They make up everything.
Alcohol, Beer, Imagery, WineIn Wine There Is Truth
In Wine there is Truth. In Beer there is Strength. In Water there is Bacteria.
Guitars, Imagery, MusicFree Air Guitars
Christmas Gift Ideas: Free Air Guitars.
Animals, Elephants, Imagery, RisquéElephant Upskirt
Elephant Upskirt.
Famous People, Imagery, Movie StarsReese Witherspoon
Reese Withoutherspoon.
Political, RisquéHillary Clinton Goes To Her Doctor For A Physical…
Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical…
Political, RacistLetter To America
Letter to America
Apple, Imagery, Iphone, PhonesUpgrade Kit For IPhone 4 Owners
Upgrade kit for iPhone 4 owners. Only 99¢.
ImageryBribing Santa
Dear Santa, if you leave a new bike under the tree, I will give you the antidote to the poison I put in the milk.
Imagery, WifiBasic Human Needs
Basic human needs… like Wi-Fi.
ImagerySpring Is Just Around The Corner
Finally… Spring is just around the corner.
ImageryFurniture Training
Furniture training for one of their main purposes in life…
Advertising, April Fools, Ikea, Imagery, Product Recalls, ToolsIKEA Product Recall
IKEA product recall advert on April Fools Day
Beds, Hotels, Imagery, Phones, SheetsAlways Leave Your Hotel Room Like This
Always leave your hotel room like this
Animals, ImageryWhat Animals Dream...
What animals dream.
Imagery, RacistHow To Be Black
How to be Black: An Instructional Book.
Imagery, SexistWoman With PMS
Woman with PMS.
Animals, Imagery, PigsBacon Seed
Bacon seed.
Imagery, RisquéHebrew Cave Paintings
Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols…
Food, ImageryPeanut Delivery
Peanut Delivery…
Geeky, MusicWhat If The Beatles Had Been Computer Freaks?
What if the Beatles had been computer freaks?
Animals, ImagerySeven Sharks
If you own 7 cats then people will think you’re crazy…
Imagery, StoneNothing Is Written In Stone
Nothing is Written in Stone…
Harry Potter, Imagery, SmsMaster Has Presented Dobby With Clothes! Dobby Is Free!
Well I’m grounded. WTF did you do this time? My Mum asked me to do the laundry and threw a sock at me… I ran away screaming “Master has presented Dobby with clothes! Dobby is free!”
English, GrammarBipolar Awesome
English can be weird. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.
Animals, Cats, Imagery, Snow, SnowballsThe Cat & The Snowball
The Cat & the Snowball.
Accidents, Animals, Cats, Imagery, LaddersHumans Don’t Land On Their Feet
Gee you’re right, humans don’t land on their feet.
English, WordsWhat Is A Word Made Up Of 4 Letters Yet Is Also Made Up Of 3
What is a word made up of 4 letters yet is also made up of 3. Although is written with 8 letters, and then with 4. Rarely consists of 6, and never is written with 5.
Einstein, ImageryYou Matter
You are living, you occupy space, you have a mass… you matter.
Imagery, JokeHow Many Alzheimer’s Patients Does It Take?
To get to the other side!
Australia, Iraq, PoliticalThe Australian Constitution: For Iraq
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq…
Cars, ImageryHonked At A Prius
Honked at a Prius, scared the crap out of it.
Cpr, First Aid, Imagery, SchoolCPR Diagram
You’re next!
Imagery, ReligiousBelieve In Reincarnation
Yeah, well, I didn’t believe in reincarnation when I was your age, either.
Bikes, ImagerySquare Bike
Surprisingly good riding down stairs… not so good on the flat.
Food, ImageryWurst Nightmare
Hi. I’m your wurst nightmare.
Beer, Imagery, SexistYou Never Listen To Me…
You never listen to me! You only hear what you want to hear!
Food, Imagery, SexistBut God, She Won’t Even Make Me A Sandwich…
But God, She Won’t Even Make Me a Sandwich…
Alcohol, ImageryAlcohol Research
Bum holding sign “Need Cash for Alcohol Research”.
Chocolate, Geeky, Homes, Honey, Imagery, Milk, PhonesQuite Literally…
I phone, you tube. Hi honey, I’m home. Chocolate milk shake.
Animals, Carrots, Food, Imagery, Rabbits, VegetablesSuccess Is Not Always What You See
Success is not always what you see…
PoliticalLabel Instructions
French Label Instructions
Cables, Cables, Geeky, Imagery, UsbCables Exist In 4-dimensional Space
Proof USB cables exist in 4-dimensional space.
Brooms, Imagery, Parking, Sexist, Witches, WomenWomen Can’t Park
Who said that women can’t park?
Alcohol, Beer, Fitness, ImageryI Wonder What I Would Look Like With A Six Pack?
I wonder what I would look like with a six pack? Ahh, much better!
Animals, Imagery, JokeThe World’s Funniest Joke
The World’s Funniest Joke…
Cars, Computer Games, ImageryLegend Of Zelda
A legend… of Zelda.
Animals, Computer Games, Computers, Imagery, SpidersBravery
…in the face of spiders.
Babies, Imagery, RisquéI Will Deprive You Of Sex
I will deprive you of sex all night with my crying and then suck on your wife’s tits in the morning.
Imagery, Phones, SmsI Am Hungary
I am Hungary…
Jokes, MathMath Joke
Math joke.
Imagery, RisquéThe Exact Spot My Zipper Broke
The exact spot my zipper broke.
ImageryKermit Sees The Doctor
Have a seat Kermit. What I’m about to tell you might come as a big shock…
Animals, Cats, Glasses, ImageryBut These Are For Girls
But these are for girls… Holy Crap! I look fabulous!
GeekyIf Dr Seuss Was A Technical Writer
If Dr Seuss Was A Technical Writer.
Helpline, Imagery, Phones, YogaYoga Emergency Hotline
Yoga Emergency Hotline, how may I help you?
Imagery, Risqué, SexistGrow Some Balls
Why do people say ‘grow some balls’?
PilotsBlind Pilots
You know, Bob, one of these days, they’re going to scream too late, and we’re all gonna die…
Imagery, Numbers, Star WarsWhy Was Five Afraid Of Seven?
Why was Five afraid of Seven? Because Six Seven Eight.
Geeky, JokesIP Jokes
I’d tell you a UDP joke, but you may not get it.
Animals, ImageryUsed Cows
Used Cows for Sale.
Imagery, Jokes, Paper, Puns, SignsTearable Puns
These are tearable puns.
Animals, ImageryHow Dishwashers Really Work
How dishwashers really work…
Facebook, Imagery, TattoosTough Tattoos
Tough Tattoos: You Don’t Have to Like Me.
Bones, Imagery, SkeletonsThe Average Human Body Contains Enough Bones
The average human body contains enough bones to make an entire human skeleton.
America, Imagery, RacistAmerican Measures
American Measures: An Arbitrary Retarded Rollercoaster
ImageryFingers Move
I think you’re spending too much time on the computer. Your fingers move when you talk…
Animals, Harry Potter, Horses, ImageryWingardium Levi-horse-a
Wingardium levi-horse-a!
Dyslexia, Imagery, Sex, Shirts, TshirtsI Have Sex Daily
I have sex daily! I mean dyslexia! Fcuk.
Animals, Chickens, Chicks, ImageryHow To Pick Up Chicks
Instructional guide on how to pick up chicks.
Animals, Golf, Imagery, Sport, TurtlesWorld’s Largest Golf Ball
World’s largest golf ball. Gigantic turtle for scale.
Animals, Animated, Imagery, PenguinsPenguin Falls
Penguin falling on ice.
Batman, Imagery, Superman, WonderwomanIt Is Such A Drag When Someone In The Group Can’t Fly…
It is such a drag when someone in the group can’t fly… forcing everybody else to have to ride up the elevator too…
Risqué, SexistMating Bulls
A man took his wife to the Rodeo and one of the exhibits is that of breeding bulls…
Catholic, Priests, ReligiousThe Priest And The Hairdryer
In Catholic schools students are taught that lying is a sin. Instructors are also advised that using a bit of imagination is OK…
Animals, ImageryWireless Technology
“It is a bit freaky with this wireless technology”
Facebook, Imagery, InternetFuture Man
So you’re saying people will “tweet” what they’re eating for breakfast?
Art, Geeky, ImageryNational Portrait Gallery
National Portrait Gallery. National Landscape Gallery…
Aboriginal, Australia, RacistAboriginal Eggs
Two Aboriginal lads are riding along the Hume Highway on a motorbike…
Geeky, Imagery, Ninjas, Pirates, ZombiesSurvival Tracking Guide
The Pirate, the Ninja, & the Zombie…
Batman, Imagery, WikileaksWikileaks
Bruce Wayne!
Autocorrect, Imagery, Iphone, SmsBroken Penis
I broke my penis and it exploded all over my pants.
Cyclones, Imagery, SupermarketsCyclone Magic Trick
Wanna see a magic trick?
ImageryMarketing
Marketing…
Imagery, Jokes, ScrabbleScrabble Jokes
I accidentally swallowed some scrabble tiles… My next dump could spell disaster.
Computers, Geeky, Imagery, Linux, Mac, WindowsUpdate Available
An update is available for your computer…
ReligiousThe Pope Is Busted
After getting all of Pope John Paul’s luggage loaded into the limo…
Birth Control, Imagery, RisquéEffective Birth Control
The most effective birth control method known to man.
Beer, ImagerySix Die In Horror Smash
Six Die in Horror Smash.
Imagery, Phones, Risqué, SexPhone Sex
Phone Sex. You’re doing it wrong.
Animals, Bananas, Dogs, Food, ImageryBanana Dogs
Banana Dogs.
ImagerySteady Hand – The Results
Steady Hand – The Results (or what happens when you play Steady Hand)
Animals, Imagery, ZebrasI Love You Zebra
Bite marks are love notes written in flesh. I love you zebra.
All Your Base, Geeky, Imagery, InternetAll Your Base...
All your base are belong to us.
Drugs, ImageryToo High
Quick! Grab my hand! I… I can’t! You’re too high! What?
Animals, Flamingos, ImageryGarden Flamingo
Garden Flamingo…
Cars, Computers, GeekyMicrosoft Car
Microsoft and General Motors on the Automobile.
Drawings, Imagery, SignsDraw Bridge
A man drawing a bridge at a “draw bridge” sign.
Animals, Drugs, ImageryFlying Ants
How ants began to fly…
ImageryApostrophe, Catastrophe
Apostrophe, Catastrophe.
Animals, Birds, Imagery, Notices, Parrots, SignsParrot BBQ
Parrot Lost: Parrot BBQ!
Imagery, Paper, Plants, TreesIrony: Drawing Trees On Paper
Irony: Drawing trees on paper.
GeekyHuman Hotfix
Hotfix Patch for Humans released.
ImageryI’m So Sick Of Not Being Understood!
I’m so sick of not being understood! What do you mean?
Jewellery, Jokes, Puns, RingsSomeone Stole My Mood Ring
Someone stole my mood ring.
Imagery, Motorbikes, SportOh Look, A Penny
Oh look, a penny!
Bikinis, Burqa, Imagery, Muslim, Racist, SexistWhat A Cruel Male-dominated Culture
It’s a male dominated culture, no matter how you look at it…
Charts, Computer Games, Imagery, Pacman, Pie ChartsPacman Pie Chart
The Pacman pie chart.
ImagerySound Thug
Sound Thug
Imagery, RisquéDangers Of Masturbation
The Dangers of Masturbation.
Computers, GeekyOperating System Airlines
Operating System Airlines.
Alcohol, Books, Imagery, WineBook Club
My book club only reads wine labels.
Books, Imagery, Lance Armstrong, LibrariesLance Armstrong Fiction Books
All non-fiction Lance Armstrong books including “Lance Armstrong: Images of a Champion”, “The Lance Armstrong Peprformance Program” and “Lance Armstrong: World’s Greatest Champion” will soon be moved to the fiction section.
Animals, Imagery, RacoonsOh… Hi… Umm… Meow?
Oh… hi… Umm… meow?
Animals, Dogs, ImageryAchilles’ Heel
You got a dog?! Yup! His name is Achilles…
Adoption, Babies, ImageryAdopted Baby
Dude, I’m joking, you are not adopted!
ImageryLegoland Will Never Be The Same...
Legoland will never be the same…
Cats, Imagery, MailboxesMailman Jumped 15 Feet
Mailman jumped 15 feet. Dog was right. This is fun.
Earth, ImageryHeld Hands Around The Equator
If the human population held hands around the equator, a significant portion of them would drown.
Imagery, MoviesThere Are Three Kinds Of People: Impatient, Patient, And Rich.
There are three kinds of people: Impatient, patient, and rich.
Geeky, Imagery, InternetSlashdot For Dummies
Slashdot for Dummies – A Reference for the Rest of Us!
Australia, Chillis, Food, Racist, TexasAn Australian Chilli Tester In Texas…
An Australian chilli tester in Texas…
Imagery, RedneckRedneck Ingenuity
Redneck Ingenuity: Shoes for tyres.
Animals, Imagery, Lightbulbs, Mice, Risqué, SexHow Many Mice Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb?
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Animals, Bread, Dogs, Food, ImageryI’m Inbred!
I’m Inbred!
Africa, Animals, Imagery, MoviesThe Lion King: Proof At Last
Pumbaa & Timon…
ReligiousCommon Belief
The belief that there was nothing…
Illusion, ImageryRound Illusion
Unusual round illusion.
Food, ImageryI Love The Smell Of Pixel In The Morning
I Love the Smell of Pixel in the Morning…
Imagery, Jobs, WorkThings Don’t Really Change
Interviewer: What would you consider to be your greatest weakness?
Fire, Fire Extinguishers, ImageryFire Extinguisher Fire
Fire Extinguisher Fire: What do you do now?
Army, WarAmerican Nun
A deserter GI was running down a road escaping from two MPs…
JokesComplimentary Pretzels
A guy walks into a bar and takes a seat. Before he can order a beer, the bowl of pretzels in front of him says “Hey, you’re a handsome fellow.”
Apple, Apples, Computers, Food, Imagery, Laptops, TechnologyMake Your Own Apple Laptop
Make your own Apple laptop the cheap—and healthy—way!
Animals, ImageryNot Allowed
When a dog is all out of luck.
ShoppingGrocery Shopping On An Empty Stomach
Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I’m the proud owner of aisle 4.
Communist, Computer Games, Geeky, ImageryA Case In Communism: The Super Mario Story
A Case in Communism: The Super Mario Story.
Alcohol, Australia, Bob Hawke, Imagery, Oxford, PoliticalBob Hawke’s Yard Of Ale
While at university at Oxford in 1963, Bob Hawke, former Prime Minister of Australia, entered the Guinness Book of Records here at the Turf Tavern after downing a yard of ale (that’s just over 2½ pints!) in just 11 seconds.
Football, Relationships, Sexist, SportThe Loving Husband
A man had two of the best tickets for the opening State of Origin match. As he sits down, another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him…
Beer, Calendars, Imagery, Mayans, Predictions2 Mayan Guys
[2 Mayan Guys] Wanna beer? I’m working on this calendar, but I guess if I don’t finish it won’t be the end of the world.
Cooking, Frypans, ImageryNon-stick Frypan
A stuck non-stick frypan…
RisquéTest Your Subconscious
This revolutionary test will expose the secret desires from your subconscious…
Animals, Imagery, SharksMisunderstood Sharks
Misunderstood Sharks.
Cars, ImageryHome Mechanics
Home Mechanics and their cars.
Boobs, Elevators, Imagery, RisquéThis Morning, I Was Beaten Up By A Busy Woman In An Elevator
This morning, I was beaten up by a busy woman in an elevator. I was staring at her boobs when she said, “would you please press one?”. So I did. I don’t remember much after that.
Animals, Fire, Imagery, SpidersThere Was A Spider, I Panicked
There was a spider, I panicked. But I think it’s gone now.
Comedians, Comedy, Grammar, Hitler, Imagery, JapanOne Thing Led To Another
I hate when you’re reading something and you come across the phrase “one thing led to another”
Blonde, Fruit, Ginger, Hair, Imagery, Strawberries, WomenGinger Versus Strawberry Blonde
This is a strawberry. This is ginger…
Cooking, Imagery, Smoke DetectorsWhat Smoke Detectors Warn You About
What smoke detectors warn you about.
America, Democracy, PoliticalHow To Know When You’ve Met A Democrat
Just in case you have trouble knowing when you’ve met a Democrat…
Imagery, Internet, SwordsSwords Of The Centuries
Swords of the Centuries
Imagery, StovesCool Stoves
Cool Stoves
Daughters, Families, Imagery, MothersMum, What’s It Like To Have The Greatest Daughter In The World?
Mum, what’s it like to have the greatest daughter in the world? I don’t know dear… you’ll have to ask grandma.
ImageryLow Battery Warning
Plug in or find another power source. Or panic now!
Cars, Imagery, MessagesThe 710 Cap
Hun I have a problem in my car…
Credit Cards, Genies, Imagery, Sexist, WomenIrresistible To Women
Make me irresistible to women
Beer, Computers, GeekyIf Beer Was Like Operating Systems...
If Beer was like Operating Systems…
Comics, Dancing, Imagery, Ireland, Irish, Irish DanceThe Book Of Irish Dance: Volume Two
Whilst doing a long overdue clearout at the offices of Ireland’s oldest and most respected school of dance, Mrs O’Hara made a terrible discovery…
Illusion, ImageryMoving Illusion
A psychedelic illusion where a brightly coloured non-moving image appears to be pulsating in and out.
America, English, Imagery, RacistEnglish (Traditional) And English (Simplified)
English (Traditional) and English (Simplified).
Drugs, Homophobia, Imagery, Marijuana, MedicalMedical Marijuana
What disease is your medical marijuana relieving?
Animated, Imagery, MedicalRoot Canal
Amusing animated image of root canal treatment
Imagery, Nietzsche, ReligiousNietzsche Is Dead
God is dead” ~Nietzsche / “Nietzsche is dead” ~God.
The World’s Shortest Books
The World’s Shortest Books
Accidents, Imagery, Logan, Racist, WindowsLogan Repair
Another quality repair job by Logan City Council.
Imagery, SocksThe Divorce Rate Among My Socks Is Astonishing.
The divorce rate among my socks is astonishing.
For Sale, Imagery, Posters, PrintersPrinter For Sale
Printer For Sale. Works Terribly.
Browsers, Chrome, Firefox, Geeky, Imagery, Internet, Internet ExplorerWhat Are We? Browsers!
What are we? Browsers! What do we want? More speed! And when do we want it? Right now!
Animals, Horses, Imagery, Knights, Monty Python, Riding, TvCouldn’t Find My Coconut Shells.
Was gonna ride to work today. Couldn’t find my coconut shells.
Cats, Comics, ImageryPop Out Of Bed
If people were meant to pop out of bed we’d all sleep in toasters.
Babies, Imagery, PregnancyPregnancy Tips
Some useful pregnancy tips…
Engineering, Flowcharts, Geeky, ImageryEngineering Flowchart
Nothing duct tape and WD-40 can’t fix…
Energy Drinks, Geeky, Imagery, Rubiks CubesMonster Energy Drinks & Rubiks Cubes
Monster energy drinks & Rubiks Cubes: Dude. You have a problem. Problem solved!
Daleks, Dr Who, Food, Garlic, Imagery, TvGarlek
Garlek.
Apple, Imagery, Ios, PatentsOlden Day Slide To Unlock
Slide to unlock: Apple patent #1964022.
Cars, Gardens, ImageryMajor Tom’s Ground Control
Major Tom’s Ground Control Lawn and Garden Management.
Drugs, Food, ImageryEminem Drug Bust
Eminem Drug Bust.
Imagery, KnittingWinter Knitting
What are you going to knit this winter?
Animals, Conspiracies, Dogs, Imagery, SheepThat Conspiracy Stuff
I’m telling you – the man and the dog are definitely working together…
Animals, ImageryFalling Cows
A roadsign showing a cow falling off a cliff and onto a car.
Australia, Cricket, Imagery, VideoHow Cricket Looks To Most People
How Cricket Looks to Most People.
Bananas, Cars, Food, ImageryGet In The Banana
No time to explain. Get in the banana!
Imagery, PoliticalWill Be President For Food
Boy sitting next to sign “No Campaigning beyond This Point” holding sign “Will Be President for Food”.
Imagery, WorkMeetings
The practical alternative to work.
Imagery, RisquéPremature Ejaculators Anonymous
Man stating he ‘came too soon’ in front of sign stating ‘premature ejaculators anonymous’.
Artists, Justin Bieber, MusiciansDear Justin Bieber Haters
I owe my life to Justin Bieber…
ImageryMcDonald’s Reaches Africa
McDonald’s reaches Africa.
Computers, Geeky, It, Technology101 Things You Do Not Want...
101 Things You Do Not Want Your System Administrator to say.
Apple, Imagery, Ios, Ios6, TransportApple IOS6 Maps
For the benefit of passengers using Apple iOS6, local area maps are available from the booking office.
Clowns, Imagery, Risqué, Sex, WomenShe Made That Clown Extremely Happy
She made that clown extremely happy.
Apple, Imagery, Iphone, Iphone 6, Nokia, PhonesIPhone 5 Plus Versus Nokia 3310
iPhone 6 Plus versus Nokia 3310: Does it bend?
Animals, Animated, Dogs, Imagery, TonguesDog Tongue
A dog with a very long tongue.
Communist, Geeky, Imagery, Microsoft, SoftwareCommunist Traitor
It looks like you’re a Communist traitor…
Political, ReligiousThe 10 Commandments
The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse or parliament…
Computers, Geeky, ItStar Trek TNG Meets Microsoft
Star Trek TNG Meets Microsoft…
Imagery, SpidersSpider’s Remember
Remember when you threw a shoe at me and I fell somewhere behind the bed? I remember too.
Advertising, Imagery, Sexist, Vintage, VitaminsThe Harder A Wife Works, The Cuter She Looks
So the harder a wife works, the cuter she looks!
Animals, Dogs, Imagery, SpidersSpider Dog
Spider Dog…
Alphabet, Doctors, ImageryThe Medical Alphabet
The Medical Alphabet
English, ImageryLike If You Can Raed Tihs
Like if you can raed tihs whit no porlqebm baecuas yuor jsut taht sarmt.
Sexist, WorkDon’t Copy If You Can’t Paste
Don’t copy if you can’t paste…
Geeky, ImageryDrowning, LOL!
If you see someone drowning… LOL!
Bipolar, Graffiti, Imagery, SignsBipolar Awesome
I hate being bi-polar. It’s awesome.
Bugs Bunny, Cartoons, Daffy Duck, Donald Duck, Goofy, Imagery, Looney Tunes, Mickey Mouse, Porky Pig, Road Runner, Tom And Jerry, Wile E CoyoteJust To Make You Feel Really Old
Just to make you feel really old…
Australia, Imagery, Racist, Tintin, WynnumThe Adventures Of TinTin: TinTin In Wynnum
The Adventures of TinTin: TinTin in Wynnum.
Fans, ImageryThank You To All My Fans
Thank you to all my fans
Animals, Cats, Ducks, Imagery, Robots, Sharks, VacuumsRobot Vacuum Cat Shark Duck Chase
Robot Vacuum Cat Shark Duck Chase.
Animals, Cars, Driving, Imagery, KoalasDon’t Worry I’m Koalafied To Drive
Don’t worry I’m Koalafied to drive.
Cartoons, ImageryFor A Good Time
For a good time, call…
Alarms, Animals, Clocks, Imagery, SpidersAlarm Clock That Releases Spiders
Million dollar idea… alarm clock that releases spiders! Now you’re up!
Bogans, Imagery, Iphone, SpeakersBogan Bass
Bogan Bass: Yet somehow still better than Beats by Dr Dre.
Imagery, Risqué, SexistThe Lift
A man and woman meet outside an elevator door…
Bras, Imagery, UnderwearSupport Bras
Supportive support bras…
Babies, Children, Daycare, Imagery, Logan, RacistLogan Daycare
Logan Daycare: Just for the whole day
Animals, Jokes, Puns, Racing, SnailsI Took The Shell Off My Racing Snail, Thinking It Would Make Him Run Faster.
I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him run faster.
Boobs, Bsod, Computers, Fashion, Geeky, Imagery, Microsoft, Sexist, Shirts, Windows, WomenI Love My BSOD
Perhaps the only blue screen of death geeks would be happy to see.
America, Calendars, Imagery, Mayans, Obama, Political, PredictionsThe Mystery Of The Mayan Calendar Revealed
At last, the mystery of the Mayan calendar revealed.
Bananas, Food, Imagery, SuicideSuicidal Bananas
A collection of suicidal bananas.
Apple, Computers, Imagery, Phones, Religious, Steve JobsI Have An APP For That!
Steve Jobs, 1955 – 2011.
SexistMen Are Happier
Men are Happier: What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Cartoons, Food, ImageryChocolate Pudding
It’s four o’clock in the morning. Why on earth are you making chocolate pudding?
Imagery, RisquéSave Paper
Save paper…
Computers, Geeky, Imagery, Internet Explorer, Mac, WindowsCan Your Mac Do This?
Can your Mac do this? I don’t think so…
Mayans, Movies, Predictions, The Hobbit, TolkienMayans Predicting The Hobbit Movie
Keep calm. The Mayans were simply counting down to The Hobbit movie.
Farmers, Imagery, Men, Swimming, WomenThe Clever Old Man
One evening an old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond…
Animals, Bunnies, Chocolate, Easter, Food, Imagery, RabbitsEaster Bunnies
Chocolate Easter Bunnies: My butt hurts! What?
Animals, Cats, ImageryCat In A Cat Box
A cat in a Cat box.
Imagery, Lord Of The Rings, Sauron, Traffic LightsKneel, Says The Demon Light
Stop says the red light, go says the green. Wait says the yellow light, twinkling in between. Kneel, says the demon light, with its eye of coal. Sauron knows your licence plate, and stares into your soul.
Australia, Football, Imagery, Muslim, Racist, SportWell, I Guess We’ll Beheading Home Now
Well, I guess we’ll beheading home now…
Cars, ImageryThe Park Anywhere Button
Self-explanatory really.
Bsod, Geeky, Microsoft, WindowsBSOD: Blue Screen Of Death
The dreaded blue screen of death…
Ice Cream, ImageryI Scream Cone
I Scream Cone.
Animals, Dogs, ImageryA Dog Named Stay
I bought a dog once. Named him ‘Stay’…
Imagery, School24 Chickens
24 Chickens: The shoe rack at the front door…
Balloons, Hot Air Balloons, ImageryHot Air Balloons
Hot Air Balloons - Boring 99% of the time.
Browsers, Chrome, Firefox, Imagery, Internet Explorer, Opera, SafariBrowsers: Their Differences
The differences between the major web browsers.
Animals, DogsTalking Dog For Sale
A man sees a sign outside a house – “Talking Dog for Sale.”
Imagery, Topgear, TvIs There Anything Worse Than A Lego For Stepping On In The Middle Of The Night?
Is there anything worse than a Lego for stepping on in the middle of the night? A landmine.
America, Congress, Imagery, It Crowd, PoliticalCongress: Have You Tried Turning It Off And On Again?
Congress: have you tried turning it off and on again?
Cosmetics, ImageryPapercut Locator
Papercut Locator.
ImageryButtons
Lots of buttons…
SexistCelibacy
Many aspects of human sexuality are very puzzling…
Imagery, Math, PiWife Of Pi
He’s irrational and he goes on and on…
Animals, Birds, Imagery, Missing Posters, Paper, Pigeons, PostersHave You Seen This Bird?
I met this bird by the tree near the library. We chilled for like, 5 minutes, & then without any warning he just flew away. We really hit it off. So if you see him, please let him know I miss him.
Food, Imagery, TurkeyRoast Turkey With A Doll Head
I was watching TV when I head my Dad in the kitchen laughing to himself. When I got up to see what he was doing, I walked in on this…
Animals, Cars, Donkeys, ImageryA BMW Donkey
A BMW donkey. Not much more to be said really.
Apple, Imagery, Iphone, Iphone 6, PhonesIPhone 6 Repair Kit
iPhone 6 repair kit.
DrugsGranny LSD
Boy asks his Granny, “Have you seen my pills labelled ‘LSD’?”
Beer, SexistA Beer Before It Starts
A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, “Quick, bring me a beer before it starts”…
SexistPunctuation Is Powerful.
Punctuation is powerful.
Animals, Birds, Imagery, Owls, RegretsRegrets
I stay up late every night, and realise it’s a bad idea every morning.
Bananas, Food, George Bush, ImageryThis Banana Tastes Funny
“This banana tastes funny” – George Bush.
Boobs, Imagery, RisquéBoob Staring
Shirt: Please tell your boobs to quit staring at my eyes.
Imagery, NinjasNinja Exit
Ninja Exit Only
ImageryWhat Is A Sonofabitch?
What is a sonofab*tch, exactly?
Dalai Lama, Daleks, Dr Who, Imagery, Reincarnation, TvDalek Lama
Reincarnate! Reincarnate!
News Headlines
Amusing news headlines
Browsers, Firefox, Geeky, Imagery, Internet, WindowsFirefox Has Encountered…
…an unexpected problem with Windows.
English, ImageryYou You Read The First Line Wrong?
What if I told you you read the first line wrong?
Advertising, Guns, Imagery, Revolvers, VintageIsn’t It Time You Gave Yourself A Christmas Gift?
Isn’t it time you gave yourself a Christmas Gift?
Birds, Imagery, WifiHe’s Got Wifi
Three birds sitting on a wire, a fourth sitting in mid air. He's got wifi.
Computers, Evolution, ImagerySomething Went Terribly Wrong
Something, somewhere went terribly wrong.
Computers, GeekyRandom Number
A simple function to return a random number.
MedicalSeek And Find You…
I shall seek and find you…
Imagery, RisquéJelly Orgy
A jelly orgy.
Darth Vader, ImageryBreathe Right
Darth Vader going for some Breathe Right.
Afghanistan, RacistInvestment Opportunity
Investment Opportunity. Thought you might want to consider getting on board early.
Parties, WatchesNot On My Watch
Lost my watch at a party once…
Babies, Cars, Imagery, StickersBaby On Board
Baby on Board
Imagery, Math, SchoolI’ll Just Be A Stripper.
Screw this: I’ll just be a stripper.
Imagery, Unicorns, Unicycles, UnitardsUnicorn, Unitard, Unicycle
Unicorn in a unitard on a unicycle.
Aliens, ImageryFunniest Alien Fan Art I’ve Seen
Funniest Alien Fan Art I’ve Seen.
Cars, ImageryAbove The Law Like A Boss
Above the law like a boss: removing a wheel clamp.
Imagery, SmsBack From The Dead
Woo, it’s me! Back from the dead!
SexistAustralia And Mateship
Mateship amongst Men & Women: The differences…
Animals, Cats, Dogs, ImageryJust Being A Cat
Dog attacks person. Put dog to sleep. Cat attacks person. LOL, jus’ bein’ a cat.
ImageryBest Way To Freak Out Your Friends
Best way to freak out your friends: Do not open unless you plan to kill it (written on an upside down container)
Accidents, Buses, Cars, Imagery, InsuranceDon’t You Suggest To Me What To Do
If you don’t have GIO Third Party Property Insurance, we suggest you don’t hit this bus.
Africa, Animals, Bikes, ImageryUpsetting The Food Chain
A zebra on a motorbike…
Beaches, Imagery, WomenBitches Be Trippin’
Bitches be trippin’
Animals, Irish, RacistIrish Pets
Two Irish men walk into a pet shop…
Animals, Dogs, Drugs, High, ImageryDog, How High Are You?
Dog, how high are you? Yes.
Animated, Australia, Imagery, Internet, Political, TelstraBuilding The NBN From Telstra Copper
Building the NBN from Telstra Copper
Highway Patrol, Police, Speeding, WorkcoverSweet Justice
Workcover versus the police…
Hammer, ImageryStop! Hammer Time
Stop! Hammer Time!
Foot Smart
See if you can outsmart your foot…
Illusion, ImageryShake Your Head
Shake your head
Imagery, Sexist, Tv, WomenCooking Shows
If we watched cooking shows the way guys watch sports.
Imagery, LoveThis Summarises My Love Life
This summarises my love life. I’m the guy in blue…
Computers, Imagery, InternetNew Mail
10 years ago…
Animals, Animated, Hamsters, ImageryHamster Flying
How to make your hamster fly…
Notice
Notice is hereby given…
Imagery, SignsDon’t Grow Up
Don’t grow up. It’s a trap.
Imagery, Memory, Protests, RalliesBetter Memory
What do we want? Better memory! When do we want it? Want what?
SexistMen Are Like...
Men are like…
ImageryWhy Women Live Longer Than Men
Genetics - Why women live longer than men.
Doctors, HospitalsFinding Information In Hospital
A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph’s Hospital…
Imagery, WorkNothing To Do
In case of nothing to do, break glass and then sweep up broken glass.
Advertising, Gay, Imagery, Showers, VintageBradley Group Showers
Bradley Group Showers.
Comics, ImageryThe Street Is Closed
Oh no—we’re trapped in here. The street is closed.
English, GrammarThat’s What She Said
That’s what she said.
Animals, Cats, ImageryPlease Don’t Let The Cat Out. No Matter What It Tells You!
Please don’t let the cat out. No matter what it tells you!
C Sharp, Developers, Geeky, Imagery, Java, ProgrammersWhy Do Java Developers Wear Glasses?
Why do Java developers wear glasses? Because they don’t C#!
Books, ImageryRead Your Book Case
A bookcase worth reading.
ImageryProcrastination Issues
I’m taking care of my procrastination issues; just you wait and see.
Advertising, Imagery, Motorola, Tv, VintageTelevision Benefits Your Children
How television benefits your children.
Boobs, Imagery, Risqué, SexistDream Girl
Girl on beach with six breasts.
English, GrammarEnglish
Let’s face it - English is a crazy language.
Cars, Imagery, MosquitosA Mosquito With A Helmet
Mosquitos flying towards a car.
Imagery, Newspapers, TechnologyAll This Technology Is Making Us Antisocial
All this technology is making us antisocial: A tram full of people ignoring each other and reading the newspaper.
Animals, Imagery, SlugsFeeling Sluggish
I’ve been feeling a bit sluggish…
Imagery, PhonesJack’s Phone
Why aren’t you answering…?
Animals, Chocolate, Easter, Easter Bunnies, Imagery, RabbitsJust Some Bunny That I Used To Know
Now you’re just some bunny that I used to know.
Accidents, Buses, Imagery, Rivers, Wildlife DocumentariesA Wild Bus Drinking Water
And here we see a wild bus drinking water from a river.
Boats, Books, Fishing, Reading, Sexist, WomenNever Argue With A Woman
Never Argue with a Woman…
Animals, Djs, Fishing, Imagery, MusicDrop The Bass
Can’t go fishing, ‘cause I always drop the bass…
Browsers, Chrome, Firefox, Geeky, Imagery, Internet, Internet ExplorerBrowser Wars
Browser Wars: Chrome versus Firefox… and Internet Explorer…
PoliticalMerry Christmas & A Happy New Year
Merry Christmas & A Happy New Year.
Epilepsy, Imagery, PostersSeize The Day
Seize The Day: Sign up for the Epilepsy Awareness Walk.
Explosions, Guns, ImageryTold Her Not To Brag About Her Barbie Dream House…
Told her not to brag about her barbie dream house…
Animated, Illusion, Imagery, Impossible Triangle, Penrose TrianglePenrose Triangle
Penrose Triangle Animation.
English, GrammarParaprosdokians
Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.
Animated, Fighting, Imagery, WweThrown Out Of The Ring
Thrown out of the Ring.
SexistMen’s Rules
We always hear the rules from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side…
Imagery, RisquéFingering A Minor
Fingering A Minor for hours on my bed.
Angry Birds, Animals, Australia, Birds, Computer Games, ImageryAngry Birds Australia
Angry Birds Australia…
ImageryBird Flu
I’m not worried about this bird flu…
Risqué, SexKeep Your Mouth Shut
If you don’t believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut!
Animals, Australia, Dangerous, ImageryDangerous Australia
It’s no wonder we all live here…
Agony Aunt, Cheating, Clinton, Dear Abby, Dear Abby, Political, RelationshipsDear Abby, My Husband Is A Liar And A Cheat…
My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything…
Animals, Cats, ImageryAbercrombie & Cat
Abercrombie & Cat
Geeky, ImageryBlackboard
School kid writing Code on blackboard as punishment.
GeekyUnusual EBay Feedback
A+++! Would read this amusing page again…
Food, Imagery, RisquéCarrot Love
When carrots get kinky…
Imagery, PhonesPhone Tails
That’s right dear, our ancestors had tails.
GeekySpellcheck Not Needed
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy…
Adobe, Geeky, Imagery, UpdatesAdobe Updates
I don’t always have an update…
Animals, Cats, Imagery, MetallicaMettalicat
Mettalicat: Sleeps with one eye open, gripping his pillow tight.
Animals, Ducklings, Ducks, ImageryBeware Of Cute Duckling Scam
Beware of Cute Duckling Scam…
Evolution, ImageryEvolution: Stop Following Me!
The typical “evolution of man” poster, except the man is facing his “earlier ancestors” saying “Stop following me!”
Animals, Dachshunds, Dogs, Imagery, RacingDachshund Racing
Googled “dachshund racing”. Was not disappointed.
PoliticalPolitically Correct Primer
A politically correct primer.
Animals, Joke, PigsThree Little Piggies
Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night…
English, Grammar, ImageryGrammar Matters
Two Google searches: One for “how can u” and one for “how can an individual”
Imagery, ToiletsPeeing: Expert Mode
Peeing: Expert Mode
SexistMen Vs. Women
Men versus women…
Animals, Dogs, ImageryDog Poo Bin
If your dog does a poo please put it in a litter bin.
Imagery, WifiWireless Networks
Wireless networks could save your life!
PoliticalAbbott And Costello Go To Washington
Abbott And Costello Go To Washington.
Drugs, Imagery, Meth, R2-d2, Robots, Star WarsMeth: Before & After
Meth: Before & After (or R2-D2 versus R2-FU).
History, ImageryThe Most Difficult Thing To Explain To Someone From The 1950s
If someone from the 1950s suddenly appeared today, what would be the most difficult thing to explain to them about life today?
CatsHappy Pussy
A collection of amusing cat pictures.
Computers, ImageryInsert Disk Two
Please insert disk two.
America, Britain, Political, Queen Elizabeth Ii, Queens, Racist, RoyaltyA MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN
A message to the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.
America, Bear Arms, Constitution, Democracy, Imagery, Second AmendmentThe Second Amendment: The Right To Bear Arms
The second amendment gives Americans the right to bear arms. I think many have taken this out of context.
ImageryAwkward Moment
The awkward when you already said “moment” in your head before you read it.
Chess, Feminists, Imagery, Sexist, WomenHow To Play Chess
How to Play Chess: Whites go first. The Queen must protect the King.
Imagery, MathImaginary Friend
Aww, how cute. He has an imaginary friend!
Hunger Games, Imagery, Katniss Everdeen, Kristen Stewart, Movies, Movie Stars, Smiling, TwilightKristen Stewart Smiles
I don’t always smile, but when I do, I don’t.
Imagery, InternetProcrastination
Have a little look at the Internet…
Imagery, RisquéAncient Japanese Proverb
Ancient Japanese Proverb. If you cannot understand Japanese, tilt your head to the right…
Flies, Ipad, NewspapersModern Newspapers
I was visiting my daughter last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper…
Imagery, Phones, SmsStreet Name
Hey, what’s your street name?
Illusion, ImageryWhat Kind Of Sorcery Lets These Two Blocks Be The Same Color?
One is dark, one is light. One is gray, one is white. These are obviously two different blocks with two different colors right? Wrong. The two blocks are the same color.
Cars, Geeky, TechnologyCars And Computers
General Motors doesn’t have a help line for people who don’t know how to drive because people don’t buy cars like they buy computers, but imagine if they did…
Alcohol, Cooking, Imagery, WineCooking With Wine
I tried cooking supper with wine tonight. Didn’t go so well. After 5 glasses I forgot why I was even in the kitchen.
Imagery, PiracyPiracy Is Not Theft
Imagine your car gets stolen, but it’s still there in the morning.
Imagery, Shirts, TshirtsAttention Deficit Disorder
Ask me about my attention deficit disorder or pie or my cat. A dog. I have a bike. Do you like TV? I saw a rock. Hi.
Imagery, RisquéFlower Porn
Even flowers do it…
France, Imagery, North Korea, RacistFrance Surrenders To North Korea
France surrenders to North Korea
Geeky, Imagery, Movies, The MatrixThe Matrix
What is The Matrix?
Animals, Camels, Children, Donkeys, ImageryYour Child Is Being Eaten By A Camel
Your child is being eaten by a camel. Do you… a) Save your child, or b) Take a photo?
Africa, Animals, Cats, Imagery, Lions, TouristsThe Best Photo Caption
A western woman in Africa—presumably a tourist—squats to go to the toilet in the bush, pants down, toilet paper in hand, her backpack in the grass nearby; unaware a lion is sneaking up behind her. Captioned “if she hasn’t… she will soon”.
Illusion, ImageryAfterburn - Whom Do You See?
Relax and concentrate on the four small dots in the middle of the picture…
Imagery…and So It Was.
It’s a Bird! It’s a Plane!
Computers, Sms, WindowsWindows Frozen
Wife texts husband on a cold winter’s morning, “Windows frozen.”
Imagery, Self-help, SexSex Maniac
Dear Dr Ruth, I’m writing to tell you my problem. It seems I have been married to a sex maniac for the past 22 years…
Babies, ImagerySpot The Baby
Spot the baby. No, the other one.
Accidents, Animals, Canada, Imagery, Moose, News, TvCanadian News
Canadian News: Quebec snowmobiler dies after driving under a moose.
Computer Games, ImageryVideo Games Ruined My Life
Video games ruined my life. Good thing I have two more.
Food, Imagery, Microwaves, ScienceNo Science In This Microwave
Food only. Absolutely no science in this microwave.
Imagery, Men, SexistMen Have Feelings Too!
Men have feelings too! For example, we feel hungry.
Board Games, Imagery, SexistWomen’s Monopoly
By a man…
Alcohol, Drunk, ImagerySlur In Cursive
When I drink, I don’t slur my words… I speak in cursive.
Imagery, Risqué, SignsNo Public Motor Boating Permitted
No public motor boating permitted.
Geeky, SexistDear Tech Support
Girlfriend technical support…
Board Games, Games, ImageryGroup Therapy
…is not going to make Q any less of a hated letter.
WorkExecutive Test
The following short quiz consists of four questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a “professional”…
Imagery, New Years, ResolutionsNew Year’s Resolutions – Again
New Year’s Resolutions – Again
Advertising, Australia, Billboards, CarsRAC Roadside Assistance Meltdown
You don’t want to be stuck out here.
Animals, Birds, Crows, Imagery, TrucksCrows Killed By Trucks
Why are so many crows killed by trucks?
Africa, Animals, ImageryRhino Painting
A rhinoceros painting…
Geeky, ItDeclaration Of A Software Professional
Declaration of a Software Professional.
Cartoons, Comics, Imagery, MoviesThe Bat Cave
The location of our Bat Cave is meant to be secret, so stop checking in!
English, GrammarYour There
They’re they are.
ImageryAll Images
All Images
Medical, RisquéBetter Than A Flu Shot
Better than a Flu Shot
Drugs, Imagery, Marijuana, SexistI Tried Pot Once. Now I’m Gay!
I tried pot once. Now I’m gay!
Australia, Cars, Floods, Imagery, MechanicalDunno Mate, Maybe She’s Flooded?
Dunno mate, maybe she’s flooded?
Australia, Gillard, PoliticalPatriotic Retirement Plan
Ms Gillard’s Patriotic Retirement Plan.
Guns, Imagery, Mp3, Mp4, Mp5Well, That Escalated Quickly
Well, that escalated quickly.
Animals, Halloween, Imagery, SquirrelsHalloween Squirrel
A squirrel got its head stuck in a Halloween decoration and terrified a neighbourhood…
Animals, Australia, Dropbears, Imagery, KoalasDrop Bears – Department Of Dangerous Fauna Management
Dropbears are a very real danger to all Australians. Almost one in ten Australians has been attacked by a Dropbear, and the rate is even higher for foreign visitors. Don’t become another statistic. Always beware low branches and doorframes. Look up. Stay Alive.
Australia, Buses, Explosions, Imagery, InalaSorry For Party Rocking
Sorry for Party Rocking: Driver jumps from burning bus, party bus explodes in Inala.
Knock Knock, PolicePolice: Knock Knock
Police: Knock Knock. Me: Who is it? Police: It’s the police.
SexistCIA Assassin
The CIA had an opening for an assassin…
Sexist, WomenWhen A Woman Says “what?”
When a woman says “what?”, it’s not because she didn’t hear you. She’s giving you a chance to change what you said.
Animated, Illusion, ImageryTwo Person Optical Illusion
Optical illusion: Keep your eyes on the cross, and see what happens.
Imagery, MusicI’m Not Just Another Brick In The Wall
We don’t need no education…
Bacon, ImageryTen Pieces Of Bacon
If I had 10 pieces of bacon, and you took 4, what would you have? Yes, that’s right you’d have a black eye and a bruised hand.
Imagery, Posters, ScienceLost Wormhole
Do not attempt capture because you’ll totally screw with the space/time continuum bro.
Alcohol, Computers, Geeky, Imagery, Microsoft, WindowsWindows: File Missing
Windows cannot find the file. Would you like some wine instead?
Diving, Imagery, Sharks, Sign LanguageA Signal They Forgot To Teach You In Your Open Water Class.
Big shark behind you: A signal they forgot to teach you in your open water class.
Cars, ImageryGarage Door Covers
Amusing garage door covers
Cars, Dumbledore, Harry Potter, Imagery, PetrolExpecto Petroleum!
Expecto Petroleum!
Imagery, TattoosFree Tattoo Removal
Free (and perhaps painful) tattoo removal.
Animals, Birds, Imagery, SeagullsSomebody Come Look At This
Somebody Come Look at This
Homeless, SexistSledgehammer Psychology
A business man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner…
RisquéSanta’s Stressful Christmas
Santa’s Stressful Christmas
Imagery, Police, ProtestsPolice & Protesters Help Fat Man Remove Pants
Police & Protesters help fat man remove pants…
Imagery, Toilets, VandalismToilet Vandalism
We buy things we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people we don’t like…
Imagery, Mobiles, Mouse Traps, Phones, TelstraCustomer Retention
Free Phone Telstra Style.
SexistMars Vs. Venus
Mars versus Venus…
Children, Cleaning, Imagery, MopsStupid Child Efficiency Mop
Stupid Child Efficiency Mop. Wipe high-efficiently.
Animated, ImagerySpiderman
If Spiderman was a gay night-clubber…
Animals, Boats, Fish, Fishing, ImageryGive A Man A Fish And He Has Food For A Day
Give a man a fish and he has food for a day. Teach a man to fish and he has to buy bamboo rods, graphite reels, monofilament lines, neoprene waders, creels, tackleboxes, lures, flies, spinners, worm rigs, slip sinkers, offset hooks, gore-tex hats, 20 pocket vests, fish finders, depth sounders, radar, boats, trailers, global positioning systems, coolers and six-packs.
English, Grammar, Imagery, School, TeachersGrammar Vandal
When English teachers snap: Sorry Ma’am, but bad grammar is no excuse for vandalism.
Cars, ImageryCar Alarms
Car alarms: They piss me off!
Animals, Bananas, Birds, Food, Imagery, ParrotsBanana Parrot Terrorism
A parrot eating bananas.
Australia, Condoms, New Zealand, Racist, RisquéKiwi Condoms
Australia runs out of condoms…
Illusion, ImageryIllogical Lego
Illogical Lego.
Imagery, Toilet PaperToilet Paper
A piece of toilet paper saving another piece…
ImageryHard To Pay Fine
Touching wires causes instant death…
New Zealand, RacistKiwi Air Disaster
New Zealand’s worst air disaster occurred earlier today…
Imagery, SexistCall The Rescue Squad!
I’m sorry dear. I can’t hear you. I’m in the kitchen, making you a sandwich.
Joke, RisquéJam And Butter The Muddy Plasters, The Dirty Bucket Of Pitch!
Jam and butter the muddy plasters, the dirty bucket of pitch!
Evolution, Imagery, SexistThe Evolution Of Man And Woman
The Evolution of Man & Woman…
Animals, Elephants, ImageryIt’s Just One Of Those Days
A baby elephant falls in the mud.
Babies, ImageryNow Airtight
Now airtight… to prevent aging!
Imagery, SexistHow Could You Be So Insensitive?
How Could You Be So Insensitive? This is what it looks like from the other person’s perspective.
RisquéTemptation
Temptation, by a soon to be married man.
Australia, Condoms, New Zealand, Racist, RisquéAustralian Condoms
New Zealand runs out of condoms…
ImageryAlzheimer’s
“I may have alzheimer’s, but at least I don’t have alzheimer’s”
Apple, Imagery, Ios, Ios7, Iphone, Mobiles, PhonesThe New IPhone 5C With IOS 7
The new iPhone 5C with IOS 7.
Geeky, ImageryReach Out
Reach Out!
Cars, Imagery, RacingTimes Were Tough Before The GoPro
Times were tough before the GoPro…
Australia, Games, Imagery, MonopolyAustralian Monopoly
Australian Monopoly: St Marys to Penrith Special Edition.
Advertising, Babies, Beer, Imagery, Mothers, VintageHow Mother And Baby “Picked Up”
Blatz Beer: How Mother and Baby “Picked Up”.
Imagery, Signs, WarningsThrew Caution To The Wind
Looks like someone threw caution to the wind.
Animals, Bunnies, Imagery, RabbitsEmo Bunny
Emo bunny: No one ever understands him
Biology, Imagery, MathBiology, Multiplication And Division
Biology – the only science where multiplication and division mean the same thing…
WorkMergers
Amusing mergers.
Apple, Imagery, Iphone, Iphone 6, PhonesIPhone 6 Comparison
iPhone 6 Plus Comparison.
Animals, Chickens, Eggs, Imagery, SignsBoneless Chicken
Boneless Chicken
Geeky, History, Internet, ItHow The Internet Started: A History Lesson
How the Internet Started: A History Lesson.
Jokes, RisquéWhere Is Amanda’s Husband?
Amanda is 21 years older than her son John. In 6 years from now, Amanda will be 5 times as old as John…
JokesToday Is Sunday
Attention! Today is Sunday. Share this on your Facebook wall. Within seven days you’ll get another Sunday…
Australia, Games, Imagery, ReligiousThanks God
God and the Rubiks Cube…
Money, Quotations, SchwarzeneggerHaving More Money Doesn’t Make You Happier
Having more money doesn’t make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I’m just as happy as when I had 48 million.
Babies, Court, Imagery, Jail, Judges3 Years In Jail For Stealing My Nose
3 years in jail for stealing my nose!
ImagerySense
…this picture makes none.
ImageryMartha Stewart’s New Digs
Martha Stewart’s New Digs
Imagery, Injuries, Sexist, SportMen & Women In Sport
Women: No problem girls… I can go on. Men: Ahhhh! I’m dying.
Jokes, Pool, Puns, Sport, TreesWhat’s Green, Fuzzy, And If It Fell Out Of A Tree It Would Kill You?
What’s green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
Christian, Imagery, Jewish, Muslim, RacistAn Atheist, A Jew, And A Christian Walk Into A Bar…
An atheist, a Jew, and a Christian walk into a bar…
Australia, Bank Notes, Banks, Imagery, Money, PoliticalAustralian Bank Notes
Australian Bank Notes.
English, Grammar, Risqué, School, University, WritingShort Story
A college class was told they had to write a short story in as few words as possible.…
Alcohol, Holidays, Imagery, WineHoliday Workout
Holiday Workout: Three corkscrews.
Imagery, Monday, Punch, WorkThe Monday Punch
The Monday Punch: A man punched in the face.
Joke, MathMath Problem
John has 32 candy bars. He eats 28. What does he have now?
ImageryWill Not Load Fully
This picture will not load fully!
Imagery, Phones, SmsChosen One
I’m the chosen one…
Canada, RacistAn Ontarian Wanted To Become A Newfie…
An Ontarian wanted to become a Newfie…
Animals, Broomsticks, Cars, Frogs, Imagery, Parking, Princesses, WitchesAll Others Will Be Toad
Private customer parking only. All others will be toad.
Imagery, Political, Snowden, Spying, WikileaksEdward Snowden Buys A Plane Ticket From Moscow To Havana…
Snowden buys a plane ticket from Moscow to Havana. Over 30 journalists pay last-minute airfare for a ticket on the same flight. The doors shut, the plane takes off, and [Edward] Snowden is not on the plane. It’s a 16-hour flight.
Children, Parenting, SchoolLetter To A Mother / School Report
It is with great happiness that I’m telling you that I eloped with my new boyfriend…
Fish, ImageryThe Swordfish
The swordfish has few predators to worry about in the wild, except for the seldom seen penfish which is said to be even mightier.
Air Force, Fighter Jets, Imagery, Jets, NavyWrong Button
Fighter jet hits the wrong button.
Imagery, RisquéToo Long
Her: Do you want to her a joke about my vagina? Nevermind… you’ll never get it! Her: Do you want to her a joke about my vagina? Nevermind… you’ll never get it!
Animals, Imagery, KangaroosI Said Be Quiet! Don’t Make Me Come In There!
I said be quiet! Don’t make me come in there!
Animals, Cats, Imagery, RacoonsCat Found
Cat Found. Very aggressive.
Computers, GeekyUnix Commands
Amusing UNIX commands.
How To Make Sure You’re A Normal Person
A quick and easy test to determine if you are a normal person…
Facebook, ImageryBe The First Of Your Friends To Like This Post.
A post with a poster on it, “Be the first of your friends to like this post”.
Imagery, PoliticalMad Magazine’s Boy Grows Up
The boy from Mad Magazine morphing into George Bush.
Boats, Fishing, Imagery, Logan, RacistFishing, Logan Style
Fishing, Logan Style.
Geeky, InternetUsing AOL? Mind If We LOL?
Using AOL? Mind if we LOL?
Geeky, InternetCannot Find The Damn File
Cannot find the damn file…
Hippies, Imagery, ShirtsPassive Agressive Hippie
Passive Agressive Hippie: You want a [peace sign] of me?
Religious, RisquéSisters Of St Francis
Sisters of St. Francis House of Prostitution…
Children, Families, Imagery, Parenting, SchoolWhen I Grow Up… I Want To Be Like Mommy!
I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer…
Animals, Animated, Giraffes, ImageryHidden Giraffe
If you stare at this picture long enough you should be able to see a giraffe…
Animals, Cupcakes, Food, Imagery, LemursA Lemur Who Has Discovered The Wondrousness Of Cupcakes For The Fist Time.
A lemur who has discovered the wondrousness of cupcakes for the fist time.
Animals, Imagery, LlamasGet In The Llama
No time to explain! Get in the llama…
Geeky, JokesIntellectual Jokes
Believing this statement will make you happier.
Animated, Geeky, Imagery, PhotoshopAdobe Photoshop CS6 Has Stopped Working
The realest photography struggle ever…
Computers, Geeky, ItComputer Quotes
Computer quotes.
Imagery, PunsThe Highest Form Of Flattery
Plateaus: The highest form of flattery.
Computers, GeekyMicrosoft Lightbulb Jokes
Microsoft Lightbulb Jokes.
Australia, Imagery, Matches, Pauline Hanson, Political, Redheads, RednecksRednecks
Redneck Matches…
Animals, Cats, ImageryHello Kitty
It’s sickeningly cute. Perhaps literally if its expression is anything to go by…
Batman, Imagery, Iphone, Phones, SmsI’m Batman
SMS conversation between Tim and Batman.
Dates, ImageryMay The 4th Be With You
If today is “May the 4th be with you” does that mean tomorrow is “revenge of the 5th?”
Cars, Imagery, Irish, RacistIrish Car
An advertisement in an Irish Newspaper…
Animals, Imagery, Johnny Depp, Movie Stars, SpidersI’m Really Afraid Of Johnny Depp
Research shows that if you’re afraid of spiders, you’re more likely to find one in your bedroom. I’m really afraid of Johnny Depp.
Mechanics, UnderwearAlways Wear Underwear
Always wear underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle…
Computers, Geeky, ImageryKeyboards
Amusing Keyboards
ImageryThe Ego Boost Urinal
The Ego Boost Urinal.
Animals, Beaches, Imagery, Signs, Stingrays, WarningsShuffle Your Feet For Stingrays
Shuffle your feet for Stingrays: One of the many dangers in Australian waters.
Alligators, Animals, Crocodiles, Imagery, TurtlesTurtle Cavalry
Onward, alligator steed!
Animals, Animated, ImageryLesson Of The Day
You should never do anything wrong, it will catch up with you…
Imagery, Risqué, SignsPlease Use Finger
Pen is broken - please use finger.
Exams, Imagery, Signs, University, UqIn Class Vs. In Your Exam
In class vs. in your exam.
Easter, Eggs, ImageryDye Job
Check out the dye job on her? Tramp!
America, Animals, Australia, Birds, Eagles, Imagery, RacistAmerican Bald Eagle Vs Australian Wedge Tail Eagle
American Bald Eagle vs. Australian Wedge Tail Eagle.
Perfect Existence
Perfect Existence: The Proof
Animals, Bugs, Flies, Imagery, Joke, MitesHey, Bug On My Back…
Hey, bug on my back, are you a mite? I mite be. Stupidest pun I ever heard…
The Fellowship Of The Ring
The Fellowship of the Ring.
Blackjack, Cards, Games, ImageryBlack Jack Black
Black Jack Black eating Cracker Jack playing a black jack while playing BlackJack with Jack Black who is threatening Black Jack Black with a Black Jack.
Drink, Food, ImageryThings To Eat And Drink In Public
Things to eat and drink in public.
Imagery, Step Ladders, ToolsStep Ladder
The Troubles of Being a Step Ladder…
Animals, Imagery, WhalesThe Hey Whale
The Hey Whale. It defies description.
Imagery, Jealousy, Relationships, SmsBaby Are You Jealous?
Baby are you jealous?
Clippit, Imagery, Microsoft, Office, Paperclips, WorkIt Looks Like You Are Wasting Office Supplies. Would You Like Some Help?
Clippit: It looks like you are wasting office supplies. Would you like some help?
Apple, Computers, Decals, Imagery, Laptops, Mac, Macbook, Stickers, TechnologyCreative Apple MacBook Stickers
A collection of creative Apple MacBook stickers & decals.
Australia, Bbq, Cooking, Food, SexistBarbecue Etiquette
Aussie Barbecue Season.
SexistSocialize
Men socialize by insulting each other…
Animals, Bread, Dogs, Food, ImageryBread Dog
The Amazing Bread Dog.
Internet, RisquéCybersex How-Not-To
Cybersex how it should not be…
Aeroplanes, Aircraft, Imagery, WarRequesting Air Support
Requesting Air Support! “Believe in yourself. You can do it!”
Cars, Imagery, MoviesDiesel
Hey, wanna know what I put in my car?
Boobs, Imagery, Risqué, SexistAre Those Yours?
…they’re turning out so big and cute!
Australia, Chairs, Disaster, Earthquake, Imagery, MelbourneThe 2012 Melbourne Earthquake
The 2012 Melbourne Earthquake: We will rebuild.
Imagery, Movie Posters, PiranhasPiranhas On An Escalator
If I were you, I’d take the stairs…
Imagery, RocksOrders From A Rock
[On a rock] Turn me over. You just took orders from a rock.
ImageryBatman Downsized
Batman forced to downsize with increase in petrol prices…
America, Imagery, North Korea, Obama, RacistNorth Korea: I Will Destroy America
North Korea: I will destroy America! Obama: Too late!
Animals, ImageryJust Checking
“Just doing a spot-check to see what you’re doing… Yup, sitting at your computer again!” The expression on this ostrich’s face is excellent.
Adelaide, Australia, Chairs, Disaster, Earthquake, ImageryThe 2011 Adelaide Earthquake
The 2011 Adelaide Earthquake: We will rebuild.
Dba, Geeky, Imagery, SqlDBA/SQL Humour
An SQL query walks into a bar, goes up to two tables and asks, “May I join you?”
ToysThe Horror Of Blimps
Some blimps are better off dead…
Babies, ImageryDraw Fake Eyebrows On Your Baby
Draw fake eyebrows on your baby. Then sit back and enjoy the humour.
Animals, Beavers, Birds, Cats, Dogs, Fish, Frogs, Horses, Imagery, Puns, Rabbits, ZebraPunny Animals
Who ever invented the “knock-knock jokes” should get a no-bell prize!
Forecasting, ImageryJohn’s Weather Forecasting Stone
One of the most reliable ways of forecasting…
Imagery, Logan, Racist, RisquéIn Logan
Meanwhile… in Logan…
Comments & Other Similar Social Data
Comments, Facebook Open Graph, & Other Similar Social Data.
Children, Imagery, ParentingAn Angry Child
If she doesn’t put me down in about two seconds, I will be forced to use my fist!
Medical, RisquéKeep Off The Grass
A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothes, entered…
RacistFerrari Sack Pit Crew
The Ferrari Formula 1 Team fired their entire pit crew yesterday…
Canada, Imagery, Protests, RiotsCanadian Riots
Canadian Riots: Sorry to bother you, but perhaps you should take a break as our mayor?
Animals, ImageryAntique Tables
Made Daily…
Animals, Cats, Imagery, Mayans, PredictionsWorst Apocalypse Ever
[A grumpy cat the day the Mayan calendar ended] “Still Here. Worst Apocalypse Ever.”
Archaeology, Canada, Cars, Imagery, SnowCanadian Archaeology
Canadian Archaeology: Digging a car out from under the snow
Imagery, SignsAlways Give 100%
Whatever you do always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood.
ImageryFight Apathy
…or don’t.
ImageryHoliday House
The Holiday House
Olympics, Racist, SportAthens Olympic Soccer Stadium
The Athens Olympic Stadium…
Australia, PoliticalCostello’s Reward For Being Loyal
Costello’s reward for being loyal…
Imagery, Lord Of The Rings, Lotr, PizzaBrace Yourself. Pizza Is Coming.
Brace Yourself. Pizza is coming.
Emergency, Imagery, Out Of OrderEmergency: Out Of Order
Please do not have an emergency!
Imagery, MoviesNeville
Neville would have done it in four books.
ImagerySuper Batman
The Super Batman back pack, exclusive from China!
Animals, Imagery, Iphone, PhonesIt’s A Whale
How do you have any friends…
Cars, Imagery, Italy, Racist, Risqué25 Year Old Escort
But Mr. Berlusconi, you said, “Send a 25 years old escort to my villa!”
Animals, Dogs, Education, Elephants, Exams, Fish, Imagery, Monkeys, Penguins, School, SealsOur Education System
[To an assorted group of animals] Our Education System: For a fair selection everybody has to take the same exam: Please climb that tree.
Animals, Birds, Chickens, Imagery, MarriageMarriage: Before & After (Chicken Style)
Marriage: Before & After (Chicken Style).
Children, Dating, Imagery, Internet, RisquéLittle Kid Lover
I’m signing up for an online dating service. I just need to pick a username. “Little Kid Lover”, that way people will know where my priorities are at.
Animals, Imagery, Languages, Latin, PigsPig Latin
Pig Latin…
Imagery, Joke, Mayans, PredictionsMayan Joke Set-Up
Heh… I’ve just thought of a joke with the longest set-up ever! Cool! I’ll fetch a scribe…
Animals, RisquéThe Lone Ranger
The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an Indian war party…
ImageryCharlie Sheen For Halloween
No, you can’t be Charlie Sheen for Halloween.
Droids, Imagery, Star WarsLook, Sir. Droids!
These are not the droids you are looking for.
Alcohol, Imagery, Irish, RacistIrish Yoga
Irish Yoga.
Agony Aunt, Cheating, Dear Abby, Imagery, Motorbikes, Relationships, SexistDear Abby, I’ve Never Written To You Before…
Dear Abby, I’ve never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision…
Australia, New Zealand, RacistKiwi Pig Sheep
Voted Best Joke of the Year in Australia…
England, Imagery, UkAnarchy In The UK
Would you like some tea?
Imagery, Motorbikes, RisquéSexy Motorbike
I am not too sure what to say about this…
InternetMoronic Email Scam
Nigerian spam…
Books, Imagery, PhobiasEverything You Wanted To Know About Phobias
Everything you wanted to know about Phobias (but were afraid to ask)
Animals, Dogs, ImageryHow The Hell Is The Ball Still In Your Hand?
How the hell is the ball still in your hand?
Books, ImageryMystery Books
You have to find them first…
Coffee, Hipsters, Imagery, SignsHow Did The Hipster Burn His Tongue?
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He sipped on his coffee before it was cool.
Fonts, Imagery, Running, Sport, Usain BoltUsain Bold, Usain Italic
Usain Bolt: Usain Bold, Usain Italic.
Ballerinas, Imagery, WomenFreshly Washed Ballerinas
Freshly washed ballerinas.
Imagery, Jobs, WorkHonesty: Your Greatest Weakness
Interviewer: What would you consider to be your greatest weakness?
Animals, Fish, Girls, ImagerySaved A Fish From Drowning
Here is a heart warming picture of a little girl that saved a fish from drowning.
Imagery, SexistBefore And After...
Before and after marriage…
Imagery, SpicesSeasons Greetings
Seasons Greetings
Browsers, Chrome, Firefox, Geeky, Imagery, Internet, Internet Explorer, Opera, SafariIE Retarded
I hope he doesn’t say something retarded…
Imagery, Real EstateLaminated Room
List of reasons why a room would have to contain a bucket and be almost entirely laminated: 1) Bad reasons.
Animals, Imagery, RacistBlack Bears
Uh oh Howard. Looks like this area has black bears…
Imagery, Ipad, IphoneFree IPhone To IPad Upgrade
Free iPhone to iPad Upgrade
Food, Imagery, PizzaI Just Burned 1500 Calories In About Five Minutes
I just burned 1500 calories in about five minutes. I forgot the pizza was in the oven.
Boobs, Imagery, Sexist, WomenI Wish These Were Brains
Sexist, but contains breasts…
Imagery, ScissorsI Run With Scissors
I run with scissors: It makes me feel dangerous.
America, France, Ireland, Irish, Racist, RisquéThe Penis Study
The American Government funded a study to see why the head of a man’s penis was larger than the shaft…
Bras, Imagery, New Zealand, Racist, Risqué, SportThe All Blacks Bra
Introducing the New Zealand All Blacks Bra. All the support, but no cup.
Facebook, Imagery, NewspapersReal Life Facebook
I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles…
Imagery, Iphone, Nokia, PhonesNokia Versus The IPhone
The strongest phones ever!
ImageryVegetative State
Vegetative State.
Computer Games, Geeky, Imagery, TechnologyCombo Hit: Streetfighter Style
Combo Hit: Streetfighter Style
Animals, Cats, ImageryI’m Glad You’re Up
I’ve put all of your folded shirts on the floor for you.
Camping, Grammar, Imagery, TentsYou Can’t Run Through A Campground
You can’t run through a campground. You can only ran, because it’s past tents.
Blonde, SexistBlonde Betting
A very attractive blonde woman arrived at a Vegas casino…
Animals, Dogs, ImageryHide Yo Kids!
Hide yo kids! Hide yo wife!
The Poodle And The Leopard
Experience trumps youth.
Australia, History, RacistA Brief History Of Australia
Australia was founded in 1901 by Jimmy “Crocodile” Austral, a deportee of England who was banished for cannibalism, having eaten 32 members of the House of Lords. In accordance with English colonial law, this entitled him to an entire already-inhabited continent.
Redneck, TechnologyTechnology For Country Folk
Technology for Country Folk.
JokeLaurel And Hardy
Laurel and Hardy were repairing their roof. All of a sudden, Hardy lost his balance and went tumbling on the ground…
Beer, Imagery, RacistHow People From Around The World Open Beer
People from around the world opening beer in their own unique ways.
Boats, Imagery, Rowing, WarRow Row Row Your Boat
Row row row your boat. Shut up Carl.
Bikes, Geeky, It, SexistAn IT Student Is Walking Along With His Bike…
An IT student is walking along with his bike…
Crime, Police, ShootingThe Floor Is Still Wet
I have an interesting case here. An old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped…
America, Animals, Australia, Britain, Cows, India, Irish, PoliticalYou Have Two Cows
The eponymous cows is used to demonstrate the advantages and flaws of certain economic systems.
Out Of Breath
Dispatcher: Emergency Services, how may I help you?
Facebook, ImageryFacebook Illusion
Facebook: Providing the illusion you have friends since 2004!
Imagery, TvThinking Outside The Square
A sideways television.
Chewing Gum, Imagery, WarningsDo Not Swallow Chewing Gum
Warning: Do not swallow chewing gum!
Australia, Imagery, Kevin Rudd, PoliticalThe Many Hands Of Kevin Rudd
The many hand gestures of Kevin Rudd.
Illusion, ImageryFour Perfectly Round Circles
Four Perfectly Round Circles.
Imagery, Notices, Paper, SignsPaper Says Yes
Would you like a little piece of paper that says yes to hang onto during the tough times ahead? (Maybe it will help)
Comics, ImageryHorton Hears The Who
Horton Hears the Who
Imagery, SexistDifference Between Men And Women
The difference between men and women…
Imagery, Mistakes, PostersMake Some More Mistakes
I’ve learned so much from my mistakes… I’m thinking of making a few more.
Computers, ImageryAlready Exists
skdjaskdhsajdahsdjashds.jpg already exists. Do you want to replace it? You've got to be kidding me.
Australia, Imagery, Nsw, PolicePoliceman’s Ball
A young woman was pulled over for speeding. A NSW Police Officer walked to her car window flipping open his ticket book. She said “I bet you are going to try and sell me a ticket to the Policeman’s Ball.” He said, “NSW Police don’t have balls.” There was a moment of silence. Then he closed his book, tipped his hat, and got back in his patrol car and left!
Babies, Imagery, InstructionsBaby Instructions
Some useful instructions to keep baby alive and well…
Imagery, Israeli, Palestinian, Political, RacistIsraeli Settlers
Of course we want peace–this piece and this piece and this piece and this piece…
Computers, ImageryTimes Change
…but other things don’t.
JokeExercise - Some Facts
Exercise… some facts.
Arthur C Clarke, Astrology, QuotationsI Don’t Believe In Astrology
I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re sceptical.
Geeky, InternetAmusing Chat
Humour from the world of Internet Chat
Animals, Imagery, RisquéHow To Eat Pussy…
How to eat pussy…
Geeky, ItNetwork Truths
The Twelve Networking Truths.
Animals, Dogs, Drugs, Imagery, MethMeth Lab Dog
Yellow Lab, Black Lab, Chocolate Lab, Meth Lab!
ImagerySuperman’s Social Network Nightmare
Superman’s Social Network Nightmare.
Africa, Imagery, RacistEvery 60 Seconds In Africa
Every 60 seconds in Africa… a minute passes.
Australia, Games, Imagery, Logan, Monopoly, RacistLogan Monopoly
Logan Monopoly…
Animals, Dogs, ImageryI Forgot How To Dog
I forgot how to dog
Apple, Computers, Geeky, Linux, Mac, WindowsHow To Fix Any Computer
A comprehensive guide to fixing any computer.
Facebook, InternetFacebook Farm
A dying granny tells her granddaughter, “I want to leave you my farm…
Daleks, Doctor Who, Geeky, RobotsWhat Would Robots From The 1960's…
What would robots from 1960’s and 1970’s TV say today with current software installed?
Imagery, PinterestIf You Like It Then You Shoulda Put A Pin On It
If you like it then you shoulda put a pin on it!
Animals, Dieting, DogsPurina Diet
The Purina Pet Food Diet.
Cars, Computer Games, Geeky, ImageryGamers: The Mentality
Objects in mirror are losing.
Asian, Facebook, Imagery, RacistHumans Of Sunnybank
In Asia culture, it’s important for wife to trust husband and let him be the leader in the house. That’s why after I am married, I will always leave big decision to him – for example, choosing between buy me a Chanel for birthday or go sleep on sofa for a whole month instead.
Guns, ImageryCrayon Gun
A fantastic gun made from many every-day items.
Imagery, Masturbation, RisquéI’m Starting To Think My Husband Masturbates
I’m not absolutely certain yet, but I’m starting to think my husband masturbates
PoliticalOrdering Pizza In The Year 2025
Ordering pizza in the year 2025…
Redheads, SexistRedheads
How do you get a redhead…
Illusion, ImageryCrazy Sphere
A crazy sphere
Imagery, PlanesAerodynamics Simplified
How planes fly.
ImageryMichael Jackson's Dog
A rather mean impression of what Michael Jackson’s dog might look like, if it had similar surgery.
Animals, Cats, Imagery, LionsA Cat With A Lion’s Mane Hat
A cat with a lion’s mane hat.
Blonde, Imagery, SexistBlonde Geometry
Attached is problem 3 on a geometry examination…
Imagery, ShipsA Ship Shipping Ship Shipping Shipping Ships.
A ship shipping ship shipping shipping ships.
Cars, Imagery, StickersF It
F-it
Imagery, SnowDead Snowmen
Gruesomely dead snowmen.
Bananas, Food, Hats, ImageryBanana Hat
Banana hat…
Geeky, ItHow To Please Your IT Department
How to please your IT department.
Stress, WorkStress Management
A stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological texts.
Bottles, Imagery, Messages, UsbModern Day Message In A Bottle
A USB stick in a bottle lying on the beach.
Advertising, Imagery, Skype, VintageSkype
Vintage Skype advert.
Coathangers, Imagery, WarningsDo Not Swallow Coathangers!
Caution: Do Not Swallow Coathangers!
Imagery, SexistWomen: Yes, No, Maybe…
I think I have that women-talk all figured out…
Harry Potter, Imagery, Magic, Risqué, WandsReplace The Word “wand” With “dick” In Any Sentence In Harry Potter
Replace the word “wand” with “dick” in any sentence in Harry Potter…
Imagery, Reincarnation, WoodReincarnation Gone Horribly Wrong
Reincarnation gone horribly wrong
SexistEvening Classes For Men
Instructive evening classes for men…
Arguments, English, Grammar, ImageryArgument Typo
Heh I was almost forced to face the fact that my argument was bad but I see here that you made a typo hahaha tough luck pal.
Animals, Cats, DogsCats And Dogs
As seen in a dog’s diary…
Banks, ImageryI Was Going To Make A Joke About A Bank, But Then I Lost Interest…
I was going to make a joke about a bank, but then I lost interest…
Clothes, Hats, Imagery, TiesYou Hang Around, I’ll Go On Ahead
You hang around, I’ll go on ahead.
Advertising, Feminine Hygiene, Imagery, Sexist, VintagePlease, Dave… Please Don’t Let Me Be Locked Out From You!
Please, Dave… please don’t let me be locked out from you! For complete feminine hygiene rely on Lysol – a concentrated germ-killer!
Australia, New Zealand, RacistAn Aussie Taxidermist In New Zealand…
An Aussie Taxidermist in New Zealand…
Cameras, Cannons, Imagery, NikonI Have A Cannon
You have a Nikon? I have a Cannon.
Cold, Flu, Illness, Imagery, Man Flu, SexistMan Flu
The difference between men & women when they are sick.
Geeky, Imagery, Movies, Star WarsStar Wars
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…
Imagery, TeaMr. Tea
Mr. Tea the teapot.
Geeky, Imagery, InternetYour Computer Is Broadcasting Your IP...
Your computer is broadcasting your IP over the Internet…
Balloons, Birthdays, ImageryBalloons Are So Weird…
Balloons are so weird… “Happy Birthday, here’s a plastic sack of my breath”
Africa, Animals, Cars, Elephants, ImageryYou Know You Are Having A Bad Day When…
You know you are having a bad day when…
Animals, Imagery, RaccoonsGet Well Soon
A raccoon lies dead on the road, holding a “get well soon” balloon.
Diets, Food, Paleolithic DietPaleolithic Diet
Something’s just not right—our air is clean, our water is pure, we all get plenty of exercise, everything we eat is organit and free-range, and yet nobody lives past thirty.
Alcohol, Imagery, SexistLet’s Go For A Drink…
Goldstar Beer Ads: What goes through the mind of men and women when they’re asked to go for a drink…
Accidents, Cars, Imagery, Seatbelts, SexistNew Seatbelt Design: 45% Less Car Accidents!
A man driving a car while a woman sits beside him, with her seatbelt across her mouth, preventing her from commenting.
Bananas, Food, Imagery, SausagesBanana Sausage
Banana sausage…
GeekyHow Many Does It Take...
How many forum posters does it take to change a light bulb?
Advertising, Imagery, Rice, Risqué, Sexist, VintageVa-Rice-Ity: My Man Likes Something Unexpected…
My man likes something unexpected now and then. That’s why I serve him rice.
Alcohol, Imagery, Marriage, WineSecrets To A Long, Happy Marriage
An old woman was sipping on a glass of wine…
Comics, English, ImageryThe Accidental Conversation Loop
My greatest social fear: The Accidental Conversation Loop.
Art, Imagery, Michelangelo, Paintings, Reenactment, Sistine ChapelMichelangelo: The Re-enactment
A re-enactment of Michelangelo’s famous “The Creation of Adam”.
Animals, Computer Games, Games, Imagery, PhonesAngry Birds
Angry Birds attend Anger Management.
Aboriginal, Australia, RacistAboriginal Spongebob Spotted In Cairns
Aboriginal Spongebob spotted in Cairns.
Animals, Penguins, SleepIf Penguins Have Knees
3 out of 4 voices in my head want to sleep (the other wants to know if penguins have knees!)
Accidents, Cars, Imagery, TrucksThe Road To Success
On the road to success, there are no shortcuts…
Australia, PoliticalPsalm 2009 – 2012
The First Book of Government.
Imagery, Tools, Work, ZombiesIn Case Of Zombies
In case of zombies… or yard work…
English, WordsI’m Awkward When People Compliment Me…
I’m awkward when people compliment me… “Nice hair” Me: “Thanks, I grew it myself”
Bananas, Food, Imagery, PhonesBanana Phone
It’s a banana phone…
Computer Games, Education, Games, Imagery, Internet, Minecraft, School, TestsMinecraft: Create A Simple Door
Describe a process that could be used to create a simple door.
Advertising, Apple, Imagery, Iphone, Phones, Samsung, Samsung Galaxy, TechnologyApple IPhone 20 & Samsung Galaxy S23 – Sword & Shield
A mock-up of the iPhone 20 and Samsung Galaxy S23, after the launch of the “taller” iPhone5 & the larger Galaxy S3.
Animals, Australia, Imagery, KoalasEucalyptus Leaves Cause Hallucinations
The **** do you mean eucalyptus leaves cause hallucinations? I gotta tell my unicorn about this.
Australia, Imagery, Nrl, Nsw, Qld, Rugby, SportNSW Playing Economically: 2 Punches Per Gallen.
NSW playing economically. 2 punches per Gallen.
Bread, Food, Imagery, TonguesPlease Use Tongue.
Do not touch bread with hands. Please use tongue.
Imagery, Sexist, WomenFeminine Instincts
If a girl ever pulls out a knife on you during an argument, pull out some bread and mayo. Her feminine instincts will kick in and she’ll make you a sandwich.
Imagery, MedicalHearing Aids
Hearing aids…
Imagery, WorkHorse Whisperer
A very amusing workplace complaint.
Imagery, SchoolUnprepared For An Exam
Ever gone into an exam having not studied at all?
Animals, Circuses, Dwarfs, Hippopotamuses, ImageryHippo Eats Dwarf
A hippopotamus has swallowed a dwarf in a circus accident…
Computer Games, Geeky, ImageryReality
Worst game ever.
Business Cards, ImageryYou Have A Nice… Business Card
A business card: “You have a nice… {day, ass, attitude}.
English, Etymology, Imagery, Languages, SpanishEntero Somewhere Elso
English: Do Not Enter Here; Spanish: Entero Somewhere Elso.
Pages By Date
A list of all the pages, sorted by their last updated or creation dates.
Betas, Bugs, Calendars, Cartoons, Imagery, MayansMayan’s Beta Calendar Bug
…to get to the point; why does your calendar end in 2012? Oh, that’s just a temporary problem in the beta version!
Australia, Cars, Ghosts, Pub, Storm, SupernaturalA True Australian Ghost Story
This story happened a short while ago near Brisbane, and even though it sounds a little Alfred Hitchcock… it’s (supposedly) true.
Duct Tape, Imagery, WorkEmergency Bridge Repair Team
Duct Tape: Good for anything.
Flowcharts, Imagery, SexistHow To Argue With A Woman
A flowchart.
Imagery, WaterThe Deadly Facts About Water
The Deadly Facts about Water
Australia, Brisbane, Computer Games, Explosions, Guns, Imagery, PoliceBrisbane, GTA Style
Queen Street Mall, Brisbane, GTA Style.
Cars, Imagery, Time TravelAnnual Meeting Of Time Travellers
Annual Meeting of Time Travellers.
Campervans, Camping, Cars, ImageryNot A Happy Camper
Not a Happy Camper.
Computers, Geeky, ImageryWhenever I Have To Force Shutdown
Whenever I have to force shutdown.
Flying, Imagery, SportFlying – Because Golf Only Takes One Ball
Flying – because softball, baseball, football, basketball, soccer, bowling and golf only take one ball.
Geeky, InternetGoogle
Try Google. Available in six of the world’s most common languages…
Animals, Australia, Emus, WarEmu War
Result: Emu Victory.
Advertising, Cocaine, Drugs, Imagery, Toothache, VintageCocaine Toothache Drops
Cocaine Toothache Drops: Instantaneous Cure! 15¢.
Bob Hope, Imagery, Johnny Cash, Kevin Bacon, Steve JobsDon’t Let Kevin Bacon Die
20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have No Cash, No Hope and No Jobs. Please don’t let Kevin Bacon die.
A Middle-aged Woman Decides To Have A Facelift…
A middle-aged woman decides to have a facelift…
Animals, ImageryGeneral Hierarchical Management Structure
I’ve never seen a Flow Chart described so clearly.
America, Imagery, Political, SpyingMy Computer Hard Drive Crashed. NSA Won’t Send Me Their Backup Copy.
My computer hard drive crashed. NSA won’t send me their backup copy.
Animals, Imagery, Lord Of The Rings, OttersFilthy Hobitses
Filthy Hobitses
Animals, Giraffes, ImageryLet’s Get You Home Buddy
Two giraffe having problems getting home.
Evolution, Imagery, ZombiesZombie Evolution
The evolution of Zombies
Cars, ImagerySomething Wrong Officer?
Something wrong officer?
Animals, Birds, Imagery, Mirrors, ParrotsTap That
I’d tap that!
Animals, Elephants, Imagery, Kenya, ZoosMan & Elephant
In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Louisiana State University…
Food, Imagery, Pasta, TrucksPasta Truck
A pasta truck, or a very large pasta.
Geeky, InternetDiary Of An AOL Luser
Diary of an AOL Luser.
Imagery, Osama Bin Laden, Sport, Terrorists, Weight LiftingOsama Bin Liftin’
Osama Bin Liftin’
Alcohol, ChemistryAlcohol Is A Solution
Not to get technical but according to chemistry alcohol is a solution.
America, Cia, Cocaine, Coke, Drugs, ImageryCIA: We Put The Coke In America
CIA: we put the coke in America.
Animals, Dogs, ImageryI See What You Did There
I see what you did there… also, over here…
Canada, Etiquette, ImageryHolding Doors
Holding Doors: A Question of Distance.
Asian, Imagery, Iphone, Racist, RiceIf Your Phone Gets Wet, Try Placing It In A Bag Of Rice
If your phone gets wet, try placing it in a bag of rice. At night, the rice will attract Asians who will fix your electronics for you.
Animals, Imagery, RisquéOld Style Birth Control
Old Style Birth Control.
Animals, Cats, Geeky, ImagerySchrödinger’s Cat
Wanted: Dead & Alive…
Animals, Fish, ImageryCan February March? No, But April May.
Can February March? No, but April May.
Apple, Computers, Flash, Geeky, Imagery, MacMacintosh
Mac Hater…
America, Guns, ImageryHow To Sneak Chocolate Into An American Movie Theatre.
How to sneak chocolate into an American movie theatre.
Police, RisquéPanties
Policewoman: Anything you say will be taken down!
Imagery, Risqué, SexistInteresting ATM
Man using a sexually provocative ATM.
Bikes, Imagery, PostsHave You Seen This Post?
Have you seen this post? He didn’t.
Facebook, ImageryI Think I Might Stay Home Tonight…
I think I might stay home tonight… Liver and Wallet like this.
ImageryBefore Tweeting
In case of fire: Exit building before tweeting about it.
Animals, RisquéDoctor Bob Had Sex With One Of His Patients…
Doctor Bob had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long…
Imagery, Risqué, SexSex Tape
I made a sex tape. Shhh!
Aboriginal, Australia, Gay, RacistAboriginal Jobs
At the end of a tiny, deserted bar is a huge Aboriginal bloke…
Aeroplanes, Buses, Cars, Electricity, Firefighters, Imagery, VaccinesRe-Think Vaccines
Next time someone tells you to re-think vaccines, show them this.
Illusion, ImageryThe Angry/Calm Illusion
The Angry/Calm Illusion.
Fonts, Imagery, TypographyBe Bold
Be bold or italic. Never regular.
Animals, Gorillas, Imagery, King Kong, Mobiles, Phones, VodafoneNo Signal
The “Vodafone Effect”.
Children, ParentingWhy Parents Drink
Why parents drink.
Talking Clock
Why, that’s my Talking Clock…
Bananas, Carving, Food, Guns, Imagery, WeaponsBanana Gun
Banana gun…
SexistPerfect Riddle
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met…
Christmas, Christmas Lights, ImageryChristmas Lights: Ditto
Ditto to that…
Imagery, Seniors, WarDrafting Guys Over 60
New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 60!
Animals, Dogs, Imagery, Phones, SmsTexts From My Dog
My dog sends me texts…
Animals, Imagery, OctopusesDrunk Octopus Wants To Fight
Drunk Octopus Wants to Fight…
Imagery, RocksMy Pet Rock Ran Away
My Pet Rock Ran Away…
Animals, Art, Bananas, Carving, Food, Horses, ImageryBanana Carving
Banana Carving.
Australia, Imagery, Kevin Rudd, PoliticalKevin Rudd’s Ego
Kevin Rudd’s Ego.
Actors, Famous People, Imagery, Movie Stars, Robert De NiroRobert De Niro, De Faro
First Robert De Niro, then Robert De Faro.
Animals, Cats, Dogs, JokeWoof
How do you get a cat to bark like a dog?
SchoolThe History Of The World
The History of the World, as written by the next generation…
Imagery, Odin, PoliticalVote Odin
The left wing said they’d abolish poverty; right wing said they’d abolish bureaucracy. Odin said he’d abolish ice giants. Where are the ice giants? Vote Odin!
Animals, Dogs, ImageryFridge Magnets
Well, tell me, Randy. Has someone eaten all the refrigerator magnets again?
Blogs, Grammar, Imagery, SpellingMisspelt Blog Post
You wouldn't think anyone reads my blog. I haven’t got a comment in weeks. Misspell something…
Imagery, Movies, RomanceGirlfriends: Harry Potter Versus Twilight
Ginny: When Harry broke up with me for my safety…
Australia, Democracy, Political, RacistThe Ant And The Grasshopper
The Original Story of the Ant and the Grasshopper.
Imagery, SexistAlways Love A Woman For Her Personality
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose.
Imagery, Rallies, Sexist, WomenWhat Women Want
Who are we? Women! What do we want? We don’t know! When do we want it? NOW!
Geeky, Imagery, Microsoft, MsnMSN Shuts Down
We reminisce about “the good old days” of MSN…
Coolers, Imagery, SexistIf A Man Says He Will Fix It, He Will
If a man says he will fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months.
Fire, ImageryFire Distinguisher
Fire Distinguisher: Yep, that’s fire…
Imagery, Jail, Logan, RacistI’m From Logan
I killed a man. You? I’m from Logan.
Geeky, Imagery, Microsoft, Microsoft OfficeMicrosoft Office Suite Pass Key
Does anyone have an extra Microsoft Office suite pass key?
Comics, Imagery, VeganI Am Going Vegan
I am going vegan
America, Imagery, Obama, PoliticalBarack Obama: What I Actually Do
Barack Obama: What I actually do.
English, VegetablesThe Correct Way To Spell Potato
The correct way to spell potato is “GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU”.
Imagery, Shirts, Tourettes, TshirtsWhat Do We Want? A Cure For Tourettes!
What do we want? A cure for tourettes! When do we want it? …
Acrobats, Books, ImageryAcrobat Reader
An acrobat reader…
Animated, Flash, Geeky, ImageryL33t H4x0r R0m30 4nd Jul13t
Tales for the L33T - ROMEO+JULIET
Animals, Australia, Birds, Dingoes, Dolphins, Fish, Galahs, Imagery, Kangaroos, Koalas, Kookaburras, Parrots, Penguins, Snakes, Toads, TurtlesAccurate Animal Names: Australian Edition
Accurate Animal Names: Australian Edition
Imagery, SexistHusband Glasses
I’m returning these glasses I bought for my husband. He’s still not seeing things my way.
Geeky, Imagery, Internet, Pie ChartsTime Breakdown Of Modern Web Design
The breakdown of modern web design.
ImagerySimple Eye Examination Test
A simple eye examination chart.
Animals, Animated, Bananas, Cats, ImageryCat & Banana
The cat and the banana.
Idiots
Idiots everywhere…
Imagery, MathSeven Ate Nine
Six, Seven, Ate, Nine…
Imagery, MondaysShortest Horror Story: Monday
Shortest horror story: Monday.
Animals, Imagery, RabbitsWhat Rabbits Do
What rabbits do when humans go out…
BabiesA Baby’s Laughter Is One Of The Most Beautiful Sounds You’ll Ever Hear
A baby’s laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you’ll ever hear. Unless it’s 3 AM, you’re home alone, and you don’t have a baby.
Food, Imagery, ThymeToo Much Thyme On My Hands
I’ve got way too much tyme on my hands.
Imagery, ShopsBall-type Deodorant
Her: Is it the ball-type deodorant you want sir? Him: Oh no miss – it’s for under my arms!
Animals, Dogs, ImageryDog Queue
Sometimes, even dogs have to queue…
English, Grammar, QuotationsAmusing Quotes & One-Liners
Amusing Quotes & One-Liners.
Pregnancy & Women: Questions
Pregnancy & Women: Frequently Asked Questions
Brisbane, Imagery, Logan, Racist, WoodridgeSimba & Woodridge
But what about that shadowy place?
Computer Games, ImageryVideo Games Don’t Make Us Violent – Lag Does!
Video games don’t make us violent – lag does!
Geeky, ImageryDied
…from not forwarding that text message to 10 people.
Geeky, ImageryOhm
…ohm.
Imagery, Iphone, Phones, Romance, SmsThe Modern Day Romantic
Goodnight my beautiful girl I’m so lucky to have you in my life. I love you so much <3
Accidents, Cars, Imagery, TargetMissed Target
Missed Target: So close…
Animals, Cats, ImageryOn A Roll
Don’t try to stop me… ‘cause I am on a roll.
Bones, ImageryI Found This Humerus
I found this humerus.
Animals, Imagery, SealsSeal This Opening
I was told to seal this opening, so here I am.
Animals, Cats, Godzilla, Imagery, KittensGodzilla Kitten
Terrifyingly cute…
Risqué, WorkThe Boss’s Quandary
The Boss’s Quandary…
Blonde, SexistA Young Brunette Goes To The Doctor...
A young brunette goes to the doctor…
Imagery, Signs, SpringSpring Is Here. I’m So Excited I Wet My Plants!
Spring is here. I’m so excited I wet my plants!
Angels, Imagery, Red Bull, SculpturesRed Bull Gives You Wings
Red Bull Gives You Wings.
Cars, Imagery, Logan, My Family Stickers, Racist, StickersLogan My Family Stickers
Logan My Family Stickers.
Germany, LoveTell Someone You Love Them Today
Tell someone you love them today, because life is short. But shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying and confusing.
Imagery, Movies, Obi-wan Kenobi, Star Wars, Terrorism, World Trade CentreThese Blast Points… Too Accurate For Sand People
Obi-Wan Kenobi in front of burning World Trade Centre towers: “These blast points… too accurate for sand people”.
Imagery, Movies, PiratesHorny Pirate’s Worst Nightmare
What’s a horny pirate’s worst nightmare?
Animals, Eggs, Giraffes, ImageryGiraffe Egg
Giraffe Egg.
Animals, Cats, Imagery, WorkI Used To Smile… Until I Worked Retail.
I used to smile… until I worked retail.
RisquéMonica
Monica walks into her dry cleaning store…
Acronyms, Imagery, Iphone, PhonesIDK LY TTYL
IDK LY TTYL: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later.
Animals, Bears, Imagery, PenguinsDo One Brave Thing Today
Do one brave thing today… then run like hell!
Game Shows, TvAmusing Hollywood Squares Answers
Amusing Hollywood Squares Answers.
America, Imagery, Nsa, Obama, Phones, SpyingObama: “Aww No! Both Of You Hang Up!”
Her: “Ok, you hang up.” Him: “No, you hang up.” Her: “Haha, no you hang up.” Obama: “Aww no! Both of you hang up!”
Birds, Imagery, RavensWhere Have You Been All Weekend?
Where have you been all weekend? Out Raven.
Animals, Dogs, Imagery, RisquéBitches & Hose
Having so much fun…
Animals, Imagery, TurtlesYou’ll Never Be As Happy As This Turtle
You’ll never be as happy as this turtle.
Animated, Babies, Fireworks, ImageryFirst Time Seeing Fireworks
A baby sees fireworks for the first time.
Cars, Imagery, Movies, Pulp Fiction, The RockHave You Seen Pulp Fiction?
Have you seen Pulp Fiction? Yeah, but I didn’t like it.
Feminists, Imagery, Lightbulbs, Sexist, WomenHow Many Feminists Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb?
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Don’t be silly, feminists can’t change anything!
AustraliaText Of A Letter From A Kid From Eromanga To Mum And Dad.
Text of a letter from a kid from Eromanga to Mum and Dad.
Advertising, Clothing, Fashion, Imagery, SexistWhy Men Die Before Women
Why men die before women.
Alice In Wonderland, Imagery, Movies, SexistUltimate Chick Flick
Ultimate chick flick: Two women fighting over a pair of shoes
Bmw, Cars, Imagery, WorkBrand New BMW
The owner of the company where I work pulled up in his brand new BMW this morning…
Fifteen Things To Do At The Supermarket…
Fifteen things to do at the supermarket while your spouse is taking their sweet time…
Animated, Flash, Geeky, ImageryL33t H4x0r H4ml37
Tales for the L33T PATR TOO - HAMLET
Cars, ImageryPolished My Car Too Much
Polished my car too much, now it’s invisible…
Computer Games, Computers, ImageryPlay Outside
It’s a beautiful day. I really want you to go outside and play.
Imagery, Political, Politicians, Prostitutes, RisquéHonest Politician
Hi! I’m 32. I’m a politician and I’m honest. Hi. I’m 29, I’m a prostitute and I’m a virgin.
Grammar, Imagery, TomorrowTomorrow (noun)
Tomorrow (noun): a mystical land where 99% of all human productivity, motivation and achievement is stored.
Computer Games, Imagery, SexistThe Way Girls Play Computer Games
The way girls play computer games.
Animals, Bikes, Frogs, Imagery, Kermit The FrogWrong Way
Wrong Way
Elderly, MemoryElderly Memories
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen…
Animated, ImageryA Teaser
You must stare very closely at the door in this image for around 30 seconds…
Canada, Imagery, NoticesCanadian Security
Canadian Security: It may seem rude but for security reasons please do not open the door to strangers.
Advertising, Imagery, Men, Sexist, SignsThis Year Thousands Of Men Will Die From Stubbornness…
This year thousands of men will die from stubbornness. No we won’t.
Cling-wrap, Imagery, WorkCling-wrap Fun
Cling-wrap fun.
Image, Qut, UniversityQUT: University For The Real World
Will we find intelligent life?
Animals, JokeThe Dead Rabbit
The Dead Rabbit, aka The Worst Joke Ever…
Accidents, Cars, ImagerySorry: A Bus Accident
Sorry: A Bus Accident
ImageryPolice Station Toilet Stolen
Police Station Toilet Stolen… Cops have nothing to go on.
Eggs, ImageryEscape Egg
Counting down the days to escape…
ImageryCute Party Trick
Man with finger up nose and out of eye.
Beaches, Imagery, Irish, SunbathingIrish Girl Sunbathing
An Irish girl sunbathes…
Grammar, SpellingYou Read That Wrong
That awkward moment when you read that wrong…
Android, Galaxy Note, Imagery, Phones, Samsung, TechnologyBattery Fully Charged. Unplug Charger.
In what is perhaps one of the more stupid “features” on my Samsung Galaxy Note, when it reaches full charge, it lights up its screen and pops up and audible alert saying “Battery fully charged. Unplug charger.” As I charge my phone at night, it is effectively an extremely annoying unwanted wake-up call.
Dishes, ImageryDishes
Dishes: They don’t do themselves.
Geeky, Imagery, MeditationGeek Meditation Session
In your mind’s browser, clear your cache… now delete your history… now navigate to a blank web page…
Imagery, Mexico, RacistMexico’s National Sport
What is Mexico’s national sport? Cross country.
George Bush, Imagery, Iran, Political, Weapons Of Mass Destruction, WmdI Can’t Believe The “WMD” Trick Is Working Again With Iran
I can’t believe the “WMD” trick is working again with Iran. Suckers…
Gandalf, Harry Potter, Imagery, Lord Of The Rings, Patrick Stewart, Star Trek, Star WarsHow To Offend Four Groups Of Geeks With One Picture
How to offend four groups of geeks with one picture.
Computer Games, Geeky, Imagery, SexistXBOX Girlfriend
A real girlfriend does not complain when her boyfriend is on his xbox…
Accidents, Helmets, Imagery, Jamaica, Motorbikes, Risqué, SexistWhat’s The Main Reason For Motorbike Accidents In Jamaica?
What’s the main reason for motorbike accidents in Jamaica?
Dinosaurs, Imagery, MuseumsTrannysaurus
Trannysaurus: You’re fired.
Geeky, RisquéEUNUCH Programmer's Manual - CONDOM(1)
The EUNUCH Programmer's Manual - CONDOM(1)
Facebook, Imagery, MoneyHow To Make Money From Facebook
How to make money from facebook: 1) just go to “Account Settings”; 2) Press “Deactivate your account”; 3) Go to work.
Imagery, Kim Jong-un, North Korea, SnickersKim, Eat A Snickers
Kim Jong-un: I’m going to nuke everyone. Kim, eat a Snickers. Kim: Why? Because you turn into a war mongler when you’re hungry. Better? Kim: Better.
Australia, SexistAussie Men
Aussie men… struggling with the booze…
Animals, Cats, ImageryDid You Try Jumping Off The Refrigerator Too?
Did you try jumping off the refrigerator too?
Animals, Imagery, SealsThe Seal Of Approval
The Seal of Approval…
Comics, Imagery, Movies, WorkPopular Sayings #38
Dress for the job you want, not the one you have.
Imagery, SexistEscape From The Kitchen
You thought you could escape from the kitchen didn’t you?
English, GrammarIf Your A Grammar Nazi
If your a grammar nazi and your reading this your gonna have a bad time.
Computer Games, Geeky, Imagery, WorkMario: Happy
Quit your day job and do what makes you happy.
Corporate, Geeky, ImageryPatent Infringement
Eating Fruit…
Ice, Imagery, MindpowerMelt Ice With My Mind
I can melt ice with my mind… just give me a few minutes…
Animals, Antelopes, ImageryDid You Know There Is A Species Of Antelope Capable Of Jumping Higher Than The Average House?
Did you know there is a species of antelope capable of jumping higher than the average house? This is due to its powerful hind legs and the fact that the average house cannot jump.
Animals, Geeky, Imagery, Math, SnakesSnakes On A Plane
Snakes on a plane.
Animated, Flash, Illusion, ImageryIllusions
Warning: May induce epilepsy or cardiac arrest…
Chat, Imagery, InternetChat Rooms
Chat Rooms – you never really know.
ImageryStatistics That Matter: The Pie Chart
A new take on the traditional pie… chart.
Beer, Imagery, Logan, Prams, Racist, Victoria BitterLogan Priorities
Logan Priorities.
Illusion, ImageryHinton’s “Lilac Chaser”
The Dotty Illusion…
Advertising, Imagery, Sexist, VintageDormeyer Crying Wives
Wives: Look this ad over carefully. Circle the items you want for Christmas. Show it to your husband. If he does not go to the store immediately, cry a little…
America, Imagery, Mexico, RacistBorderline Offensive
You can make jokes about anything, just not Mexicans…
Animals, Australia, Crocodiles, Emus, Imagery, Kangaroos, Koalas, Kookaburras, Police, Sharks, Spiders, Woolworths26 Everyday Occurrences In Australia
When you live on a barely hospitable desert island that was once a continent-sized penal colony, your life tends to be a little more badass than the average person’s.
Animals, Imagery, LlamaA Shaved Llama
A shaved Llama
RisquéTarzan Sex
When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle, she was attracted to him, and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex…
Bananas, Food, Imagery, ZucchinisGreen Banana
Green banana…
Animals, Bears, Cartoons, Imagery, PigsJackass Piglet
Hi, my name’s piglet and this is Jackass.
Guns, ImageryThe Last Known Picture Taken Of Grandpa
A woman inadvertently points a gun towards a man.
ImageryTimes Have Changed
An image from an operating manual for the SAGE air defense system
Computer Games, Geeky, Imagery90’s Gamer
Everytime I hear people complain about online gaming, I wish they could experience my pain of online gaming in the 90’s…
America, Capitalist, ImageryIn Capitalist America…
Bank robs you!
Animals, Cats, Dogs, ImageryAnimals That Didn’t Expect Their Humans To Come Home So Early!
Animals that didn’t expect their humans to come home so early!
France, Germany, Imagery, RacistAngela Merkel Arrives At Passport Control At Paris Airport…
Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control at Paris airport. “Nationality?” asks the immigration officer. “German,” she replies. “Occupation?” “No, just here for a few days.”
Animals, Australia, Cockatoos, Flies, Imagery, Kangaroos, Kookaburras, Magpies, Possums, Snakes, Spiders, SunburnTypically Australian Problems
Some typically Australian problems that other people don’t face.
Geology, Imagery, SchoolGeology
Name the three types of rock.
America, Animated, Imagery, Obama, PoliticalThanks, Obama
Thanks, Obama.
Imagery, Michael Jackson, Performers, SingersMichael Jackson Is Dead
You Can Come Out Now…
ImageryCockroach Cancer
Please, don’t throw your cigarette butts on the floor…
Political, SchoolMath Instruction
At Heathrow Airport today…
WorkRejection Response
The next time you get a rejection letter from a hoped-for employer or publisher, just send them the following…
Fortune Cookies, ImageryYou Are Not Illiterate.
You are not illiterate.
Imagery, RisquéDon’t Fall For This
The CIA is trying to steal my…
Imagery, Music, Rap, Rock, SignsRap Loses To Rock
Rap is like scissors, it always loses to rock.
Children, Imagery, PaintChildren Painting
Two children, half a room and a TV covered in white paint.
Cars, Drugs, Imagery, PoliceHow High Are You?
How High Are You? No Officer, it’s “Hi, how are you”.
Hats, Imagery, SportYou Can’t Beat Stupid…
I wish they would invent something to keep the sun out of my eyes…
Apple, Imagery, Ipad, Portal, Technology, ValveValve’s “Portal”, As An IPad Decoration.
Valve’s “Portal”, as an iPad decoration.
Food, ImageryThrowing People
A tomato’s fear.
Animals, Dogs, ImagerySo We Got Pugsy A New Chew Toy…
So we got Pugsy a new chew toy…
Imagery, Phones, Sms, SmsLost Phone
A man sends SMS from a lost phone…
Advertising, Feminine Hygiene, Imagery, Risqué, Sexist, Tampons, VintageThe Girls Are Talking About Tampons
The Blonde: It’s invisible sanitary protection, thank heavens…
Animals, Dogs, ImageryA Little Hand
I wish you could give me a little hand…
Funerals, Imagery, Italian, RacistThe Italian Funeral
Pasquale died. His will provided ,000 for an elaborate funeral…
ImageryMissed You...
Image of a soldier pointing a gun towards the camera with caption “When you first left, I missed you badly… I WONT THIS TIME”
Imagery, SexistHair Dryer
Darling, please give me the hair dryer…
Campbell Newman, Imagery, Political, QueenslandCampbell Newman: Public Service: You Can Trust Me
[Campbell Newman laughing] …and then I said to the public service… you can trust me…
Facebook, Imagery, RisquéFacebook Sex
Taking status updates too far.
SexistA Woman’s Wish
A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods…
Animated, ImageryWait!
Wait…
Crocs, Imagery, Shoes, WeddingsWedding Crocs
Wedding Crocs.
Business Cards, Geeky, Imagery, Notepad, WindowsNotepad Business Card
A business card styled to look like Windows Notepad.
Illusion, ImageryThey See Us Rollin’
They See Us Rollin’… We Aren’t…
Animals, Imagery, SealsSeal The Deal
What do you say we go behind this rock and seal the deal?
Geeky, Imagery, TechnologyBack-Up
Image of man backing-up with computer.
Australia, Cooking, God, Imagery, KitchensIn God’s Kitchen
In God’s Kitchen: What are you cooking?
AlcoholCalm Living
I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me today, and we all could probably use more calm in our lives.
Advertising, Boats, Imagery, Oceans, Oxi-clean, ShipsThe Power Of Oxi-Clean
The Power of Oxi-Clean.
Boobs, Cars, Imagery, Risqué, SexistShe Might Scratch The Paint
I know what you’re thinking… she might scratch the paint.
Animals, Imagery, WhalesPaper, Scissors, Whale!
Scissors cut paper again! I hate this game…
America, RacistA Russian Arrives In New York
A Russian arrives in New York City as a new immigrant to the United States…
Imagery, PoliceA Cop Just Pulled Me Over And Said “Papers”
A cop just pulled me over and said “Papers”… so I said “Scissors, I win” and drove off…
ImageryTrapped Miners
The first photo of the trapped miners…
Fish, Imagery, MermaidsReverse Mermaid
You are alone on an uninhabited island. Which of these would you choose as your companion?
Cake, Ikea, ImageryHappy 25th Birthday IKEA!
Happy 25th Birthday IKEA! Here’s your cake
Buildings, Jokes, Physicists, PunsA Physicist Sees A Young Man About To Jump Off The Empire State Building
A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building…
Risqué, Sexist, WorkSentence Structure: Why Sentence Structure Is Important
Sentence Structure: Why sentence structure is important.
Halloween, Imagery, Pumpkins, VegetablesAngry Pumpkin Man
Angry Pumpkin Man: Come at me bro!
SexistGirl’s And Boy’s Diaries
A girl and a boy and their diaries…
Earth, Imagery, Risqué, Solar SystemDon’t Masturbate
Don’t Masturbate!
Imagery, SexistIron Man Competition
Ironman Competition - the way it should be…
Aboriginal, Australia, Imagery, Racist, The RockStolen Generator
So I heard about the stolen generation…
Homework, Imagery, SchoolSelf Referencing Homework
What has been your greatest accomplishment so far?
America, Democracy, Imagery, TvWelcome To The USA
The Government where the money’s made up and the debt doesn’t matter.
Accidents, Cars, ImageryPass With Care
Pass with care…
Advertising, Food, Fountain, Imagery, Tomato Sauce, WoolworthsBuy Two & Receive A Free Fountain Face!
Buy two and receive a Free Fountain Face!
Flash, ImagerySteady Hand – A Game Of Skill
A game of skill, requiring a steady hand and keen eye – make sure you play at least the first two levels…
ImageryI See Dumb People
I see dumb people… They are everywhere!
Australia, Democracy, Imagery, Political, RisquéAmazing Holes
Amazing Holes from Around the World.
Facebook, Imagery, Sexist, Sport, VolleyballLadies Beach Volleyball
Just been watching Ladies Beach Volleyball, and there’s already been a wrist injury… but I should be OK by Friday.
Books, ImageryScary Campfire Stories: Book Style
And then… after they had ripped out half of her pages… they turned her… into a movie!
Animals, Imagery, OttersOtter Nonsense
I’ve had it up to here with your otter nonsense…
Animals, Crocodiles, ImageryCrocodile Lion
An interesting dinnertime story…
Imagery, ToiletsWalked Into A Public Bathroom
Walked into a public bathroom. Saw this and heard “hello?”
Blacks, Imagery, RacistBlacks For Sale
They can still do that?
Cars, Geeky, Imagery, SqlSpeed Camera Hack
Car with SQL injection taped to the front.
Advertising, Babies, ImageryGood Things Are Twice As Good In Cellophane
Good things are twice as good in Cellophane!
Australia, Imagery, Logan, RacistAll Trades Logan
All Trades Logan.
Got To Love Drunk People
>A man, and his wife are awakened at 3 o’clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door…
Batman, Imagery, WomenNana Nana Nana Batman!
Nana Nana Nana Batman!
Imagery, RisquéPull Out & Save
Save up to $600!
Computer Games, Imagery, Microsoft, XboxXbox One Vs. An Ordinary Brick
Xbox One vs. An Ordinary Brick: Price, DRM Free, Requires Internet, Region Locked…
Advertising, Apple, Computers, Geeky, Imagery, MacMac Weed
A take-off of the Apple Macintosh switch ads.
Facebook, Geeky, Imagery, InternetGoogle+ Versus Facebook
Google Plus versus Facebook
Imagery, MotivationalSomeone Out There Cares
I want you to know that someone out there cares. Not me, but someone does.
Animals, Cows, Horses, ImageryThis Guy’s An Idiot! Quick, Take A Picture!
This guy’s an idiot! Quick, take a picture!
Animals, Dogs, Imagery, SnakesLong Dogs
A man walking two long dogs meets a man walking two normal dogs…
Advertising, Imagery, Sexist, VintageHappier With A Hoover
Christmas morning she’ll be happier with a Hoover.
Animals, Cars, Cows, Drunk, ImageryDrunk Cows
Drunk Cows: Bruce you are drunk.
InvisibleYou Can See Me?
Next time a stranger talks to me when I’m alone I will look at them shocked and just whisper quietly, “you can see me?”
ImageryMicrophone Eyes
Microphone Eyes.
Animals, Animated, Australia, Emus, Imagery, KangaroosKangaroo Kicks Boy
A kangaroo kicks an unsuspecting boy into a dam while an emu strolls past.
PoliticalBush And The Queen
While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen…
Buses, ImageryGo Home Bus, You’re Drunk!
Go home bus, you’re drunk!
ImageryHow To Be Green
A boardgame: How to be Green…
WorkPhysical Fitness
This department requires no physical fitness program.
Animals, Cats, ImageryCat Bag
It’s a cat bag. Not too sure what else to say about this…
Africa, Bus, ImageryDo You Ever Get So Angry…
Do you ever get so angry… you throw a VCR at a burning bus?
Babies, Drinking, Imagery, Studying, The RockWhat Are Your Plans For The Weekend?
What are your plans for the weekend? Studying. [shocked look] Drinking! Drinking!
Bricks, Footpaths, Imagery, OcdOCD Bricks
The worst thing that can happen to an OCD person…
Geeky, Imagery, RomanceRoses Are #FF0000
Roses are #FF0000, Violets are #0000FF.
Buffering, Buffy, Imagery, TvBuffy Buffering
Buffy buffering…
Cars, ImageryFail Towing
Thank You for Using Fail Towing, Inc.
Geeky, Imagery, Scientific, UniversityHow People In Science See Each Other
How People in Science See Each Other.
Bsod, Clippit, Computers, Geeky, Imagery, Microsoft, WindowsWindows
Windows. Still the most used operating system, and undoubtedly the most abused.
Animals, Cats, Cockroaches, Dogs, Imagery, Men, WomenThe Circle Of Life
The Circle of Life: Who is afraid of who?
Coffee, Religious, SexistMorning Coffee
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning…
Imagery, Money, Monopoly, StrippersMonopoly Money For Fake Boobs
I think it’s only fair to throw monopoly money at strippers with fake boobs.
Alphabet, Games, ImageryAlphabet Game
The Alphabet Game is a car game played to amuse travellers on long car rides.
Africa, Apple, Imagery, Ipad, StarvingThinner Than Ever
Thinner than ever.
Australia, Imagery, Julia Gillard, Kevin Rudd, PoliticalWhere Was I Before I Was So Rudely Interrupted?
[Kevin Rudd] Where was I before I was so rudely interrupted?