‘Jokes’ category — Ned Martin’s Amused

Ned Martin’s Amused

A collection of things that amused me: I believe you can tell a lot about a person from what amuses them, or sometimes, what doesn’t amuse them. So, when I come across something that amuses me, this is where it goes.

Find things which have amused me recently, or browse around the categories below.

Printed on 100% recycled electrons.

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Ned Martin’s Amused Categories

aboriginal accidents advertising aeroplanes africa agony aunt alcohol alligators alphabet america animals animated apple apples april fools art asian audio australia babies balloons bananas banks batman beaches bears beds beer bikes billboards bill gates birds blonde board games boats bones boobs books bras bread brisbane britain browsers bsod bugs bunnies buses business cards calendars camping canada cars cartoons carving cats chairs charts cheating chickens children chocolate chrome clippit cocaine coffee comics communist computer games computers condoms cooking cows crocodiles crocs daleks darth vader dating dear abby democracy dinosaurs disaster doctors dogs dolphins donkeys driving drugs drunk dr who ducks earth earthquake easter education eggs einstein elephants emus english evolution exams explosions facebook families famous people fashion feminine hygiene feminists fire firefox fish fishing flash flies flowcharts fonts food football france frogs fruit funerals games gay geeky george bush germany giraffes girls grammar guns halloween hands harry potter hats heaven history horror movies horses ikea illusion imagery internet internet explorer ios ipad iphone iphone 6 ireland irish it jail jewish jobs joke jokes kangaroos kevin rudd kitchens kittens koalas kookaburras kristen stewart languages laptops libraries lightbulbs linux lions logan lord of the rings love mac magpies marijuana mario marriage math mayans medical men messages meth microsoft milk mobiles money monopoly moose mothers motorbikes movies movie stars music musicians muslim newspapers new zealand ninjas nokia north korea notices nsw obama ocd opera otters paper parenting parking parrots penguins petrol phones photography pie charts pigs pirates pizza police political posters predictions pregnancy protests puns quotations rabbits racing racist racoons rallies redheads redneck reincarnation relationships religious rice risqué roads robots rocks romance safari samsung school science seagulls seals sex sexist sharks ships shirts shoes shopping shops signs sms snakes snow spiders sport spying sql star wars steve jobs stickers superman tattoos teachers technology telstra terrorism the rock toilets tongues tools toys trees trucks tshirts turtles tv underwear university usb vegetables vintage war warnings whales wifi wikileaks windows wine witches women woolworths words work zebras zombies

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Mexico’s National Sport

What is Mexico’s national sport? Cross country.

imagery mexico racist

The Ego Boost Urinal

The Ego Boost Urinal.

imagery

Unicorn, Unitard, Unicycle

Unicorn in a unitard on a unicycle.

imagery unicorns unicycles unitards

Garage Door Covers

Amusing garage door covers

cars imagery

Everything You Wanted To Know About Phobias

Everything you wanted to know about Phobias (but were afraid to ask)

books imagery phobias

Happy 25th Birthday IKEA!

Happy 25th Birthday IKEA! Here’s your cake

cake ikea imagery

Easter Bunnies

Chocolate Easter Bunnies: My butt hurts! What?

animals bunnies chocolate easter food imagery rabbits

Meth Lab Dog

Yellow Lab, Black Lab, Chocolate Lab, Meth Lab!

animals dogs drugs imagery meth

I Just Burned 1500 Calories In About Five Minutes

I just burned 1500 calories in about five minutes. I forgot the pizza was in the oven.

food imagery pizza

Dangers Of Masturbation

The Dangers of Masturbation.

imagery risqué

To Wake Up Gay In The Morning…

To wake up gay in the morning just try this at Bedtime Tonight!

advertising gay imagery ovaltine vintage

Walked Into A Public Bathroom

Walked into a public bathroom. Saw this and heard “hello?”

imagery toilets

Psalm 2009 – 2012

The First Book of Government.

australia political

Doctor Bob Had Sex With One Of His Patients…

Doctor Bob had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long…

animals risqué

You Can’t Beat Stupid…

I wish they would invent something to keep the sun out of my eyes…

hats imagery sport

Ex Wife

The police came to my front door last night holding a picture of my ex-wife…

sexist

Wireless Technology

“It is a bit freaky with this wireless technology”

animals imagery

Free IPhone To IPad Upgrade

Free iPhone to iPad Upgrade

imagery ipad iphone

Message From Your IT Deptartment

Message from your IT Deptartment…

computers geeky

Cats And Dogs

As seen in a dog’s diary…

animals cats dogs

Now Airtight

Now airtight… to prevent aging!

babies imagery

Aboriginal Spongebob Spotted In Cairns

Aboriginal Spongebob spotted in Cairns.

aboriginal australia racist

Dear Abby, My Husband Is A Liar And A Cheat…

My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything…

agony aunt cheating clinton dear abby dear abby political relationships

If Your Phone Gets Wet, Try Placing It In A Bag Of Rice

If your phone gets wet, try placing it in a bag of rice. At night, the rice will attract Asians who will fix your electronics for you.

asian imagery iphone racist rice

Policeman’s Ball

A young woman was pulled over for speeding. A NSW Police Officer walked to her car window flipping open his ticket book. She said “I bet you are going to try and sell me a ticket to the Policeman’s Ball.” He said, “NSW Police don’t have balls.” There was a moment of silence. Then he closed his book, tipped his hat, and got back in his patrol car and left!

australia imagery nsw police

Fire Extinguisher Fire

Fire Extinguisher Fire: What do you do now?

fire fire extinguishers imagery

Man & Elephant

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Louisiana State University…

animals elephants imagery kenya zoos

Pygmy Dinosaur Hunter

The Pygmy Dinosaur Hunter…

animals joke

The 2012 Melbourne Earthquake

The 2012 Melbourne Earthquake: We will rebuild.

australia chairs disaster earthquake imagery melbourne

Stupid Child Efficiency Mop

Stupid Child Efficiency Mop. Wipe high-efficiently.

children cleaning imagery mops

Speed Reader

Wow you read that fast! You must be a speed reader!

computers geeky imagery

Attention Deficit Disorder

Ask me about my attention deficit disorder or pie or my cat. A dog. I have a bike. Do you like TV? I saw a rock. Hi.

imagery shirts tshirts

Whenever I Have To Force Shutdown

Whenever I have to force shutdown.

computers geeky imagery

Free Tattoo Removal

Free (and perhaps painful) tattoo removal.

imagery tattoos

LOL For Lunch

Ordering linguini for lunch always boosts morale.

food geeky imagery

Keyboards

Amusing Keyboards

computers geeky imagery

Police Station Toilet Stolen

Police Station Toilet Stolen… Cops have nothing to go on.

imagery

Non-stick Frypan

A stuck non-stick frypan…

cooking frypans imagery

Titanic Ice Bucket Challenge

Titanic ALS Ice Bucket Challenge: “I accept your ice water challenge”.

imagery movies

Finding Information In Hospital

A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph’s Hospital…

doctors hospitals

Dog Decides Better Driver

My wife believes she is a better driver. I let our dog decide.

animals dogs driving imagery sexist

Intellectual Jokes

Believing this statement will make you happier.

geeky jokes

Four Perfectly Round Circles

Four Perfectly Round Circles.

illusion imagery

The Highest Form Of Flattery

Plateaus: The highest form of flattery

imagery puns

Shortest Horror Story: Monday

Shortest horror story: Monday.

imagery mondays

Unusual EBay Feedback

A+++! Would read this amusing page again…

geeky

Letter To A Mother / School Report

It is with great happiness that I’m telling you that I eloped with my new boyfriend…

children parenting school

Dog Tongue

A dog with a very long tongue.

animals animated dogs imagery tongues

Aboriginal Jobs

At the end of a tiny, deserted bar is a huge Aboriginal bloke…

aboriginal australia gay racist

Steady Hand – A Game Of Skill

A game of skill, requiring a steady hand and keen eye – make sure you play at least the first two levels…

flash imagery

And Then I Said

And Then I Said… The Differences Between Boys & Girls.

dating imagery relationships sexist

The Exact Spot My Zipper Broke

The exact spot my zipper broke.

imagery risqué

Tough Tattoos

Tough Tattoos: You Don’t Have to Like Me.

facebook imagery tattoos

Cables Exist In 4-dimensional Space

Proof USB cables exist in 4-dimensional space.

cables cables geeky imagery usb

An Ontarian Wanted To Become A Newfie…

An Ontarian wanted to become a Newfie…

canada racist

Emo Bunny

Emo bunny: No one ever understands him

animals bunnies imagery rabbits

Biology, Multiplication And Division

Biology – the only science where multiplication and division mean the same thing…

biology imagery math

Investment Opportunity

Investment Opportunity. Thought you might want to consider getting on board early.

afghanistan racist

Paraprosdokians

Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.

english grammar

If Chinese People Tattooed Lame English Words On Themselves…

If Chinese people tattooed lame English words on themselves…

chinese imagery racist tattoos women

Men Have Feelings Too!

Men have feelings too! For example, we feel hungry.

imagery men sexist

The Divorce Rate Among My Socks Is Astonishing.

The divorce rate among my socks is astonishing.

imagery socks

Thanks God

God and the Rubiks Cube…

australia games imagery religious

On A Roll

Don’t try to stop me… ‘cause I am on a roll.

animals cats imagery

Drowning, LOL!

If you see someone drowning… LOL!

geeky imagery

The Street Is Closed

Oh no—we’re trapped in here. The street is closed.

comics imagery

Always Love A Woman For Her Personality

Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose.

imagery sexist

Update Available

An update is available for your computer…

computers geeky imagery linux mac windows

Draw Bridge

A man drawing a bridge at a “draw bridge” sign.

drawings imagery signs

Politically Correct Primer

A politically correct primer.

political

Human Hotfix

Hotfix Patch for Humans released.

geeky

Look, Sir. Droids!

These are not the droids you are looking for.

droids imagery star wars

All Others Will Be Toad

Private customer parking only. All others will be toad.

animals broomsticks cars frogs imagery parking princesses witches

What Do We Want? A Cure For Tourettes!

What do we want? A cure for tourettes! When do we want it? …

imagery shirts tourettes tshirts

Honked At A Prius

Honked at a Prius, scared the crap out of it.

cars imagery

What Women Want

Who are we? Women! What do we want? We don’t know! When do we want it? NOW!

imagery rallies sexist women

Used Cows

Used Cows for Sale.

animals imagery

Happy Pussy

A collection of amusing cat pictures.

cats

Cat Legs

There really isn’t much else to say about this.

animals imagery

No Science In This Microwave

Food only. Absolutely no science in this microwave.

food imagery microwaves science

Math Instruction

At Heathrow Airport today…

political school

That’s What She Said

That’s what she said.

english grammar

Socialize

Men socialize by insulting each other…

sexist

The Australian Constitution: For Iraq

They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq…

australia iraq political

CIA Assassin

The CIA had an opening for an assassin…

sexist

Australian Banks

Australian Bank Logos.

australia banks imagery

How Many Feminists Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb?

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Don’t be silly, feminists can’t change anything!

feminists imagery lightbulbs sexist women

Hard To Pay Fine

Touching wires causes instant death…

imagery

Hide Yo Kids!

Hide yo kids! Hide yo wife!

animals dogs imagery

Where Was I Before I Was So Rudely Interrupted?

[Kevin Rudd] Where was I before I was so rudely interrupted?

australia imagery julia gillard kevin rudd political

Lance Armstrong Fiction Books

All non-fiction Lance Armstrong books including “Lance Armstrong: Images of a Champion”, “The Lance Armstrong Peprformance Program” and “Lance Armstrong: World’s Greatest Champion” will soon be moved to the fiction section.

books imagery lance armstrong libraries

Technically Correct

…but still wrong.

imagery

Man Flu

The difference between men & women when they are sick.

cold flu illness imagery man flu sexist

Evening Classes For Men

Instructive evening classes for men…

sexist

A Dog Dies: Can I Have Chocolate?

A dog dies and finds out chocolate killed him.

animals chocolate dogs heaven imagery

Get In The Llama

No time to explain! Get in the llama…

animals imagery llamas

Sabrina Projects

Sabrina demonstrates the world’s finest projection equipment…

advertising boobs imagery sexist vintage

Yo I’m Happy For You And Imma Let You Finish But…

[Twitter] Taylor Swift: @KimKardashian @kanyewest Yo I’m happy for you and imma let you finish but Beyonce had one of the best labours of all time.

babies imagery kanye west kim kardashian phones sms taylor swift twitter

Mayan’s Beta Calendar Bug

…to get to the point; why does your calendar end in 2012? Oh, that’s just a temporary problem in the beta version!

betas bugs calendars cartoons imagery mayans

She Might Scratch The Paint

I know what you’re thinking… she might scratch the paint.

boobs cars imagery risqué sexist

Facebook Sex

Taking status updates too far.

facebook imagery risqué

Dream Girl

Girl on beach with six breasts.

boobs imagery risqué sexist

I Think It Is Just Terrible And Disgusting How Everyone Has Treated Lance Armstrong

I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved, winning seven Tour de France races while on drugs. When I was on drugs, I couldn’t even find my bike.

cycling drugs sport

Too Long

Her: Do you want to her a joke about my vagina? Nevermind… you’ll never get it! Her: Do you want to her a joke about my vagina? Nevermind… you’ll never get it!

imagery risqué

Talking Dog For Sale

A man sees a sign outside a house – “Talking Dog for Sale.”

animals dogs

Helpful Hints

Helpful Hints

The Italian Funeral

Pasquale died. His will provided ,000 for an elaborate funeral…

funerals imagery italian racist

The Penis Study

The American Government funded a study to see why the head of a man’s penis was larger than the shaft…

america france ireland irish racist risqué

Anarchy In The UK

Would you like some tea?

england imagery uk

In God’s Kitchen

In God’s Kitchen: What are you cooking?

australia cooking god imagery kitchens

How People From Around The World Open Beer

People from around the world opening beer in their own unique ways.

beer imagery racist

Spot The Baby

Spot the baby. No, the other one.

babies imagery

Misspelt Blog Post

You wouldn't think anyone reads my blog. I haven’t got a comment in weeks. Misspell something…

blogs grammar imagery spelling

Seahorse

I’m a seahorse. Your argument is invalid.

animals horses imagery seahorses

Grocery Shopping On An Empty Stomach

Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I’m the proud owner of aisle 4.

shopping

News Headlines

Amusing news headlines

Network Truths

The Twelve Networking Truths.

geeky it

Punny Animals

Who ever invented the “knock-knock jokes” should get a no-bell prize!

animals beavers birds cats dogs fish frogs horses imagery puns rabbits zebra

Windows

Windows. Still the most used operating system, and undoubtedly the most abused.

bsod clippit computers geeky imagery microsoft windows

Speed Camera

Speed camera revenge…

cars police

The Swordfish

The swordfish has few predators to worry about in the wild, except for the seldom seen penfish which is said to be even mightier.

fish imagery

Obama: “Aww No! Both Of You Hang Up!”

Her: “Ok, you hang up.” Him: “No, you hang up.” Her: “Haha, no you hang up.” Obama: “Aww no! Both of you hang up!”

america imagery nsa obama phones spying

Cannot Find The Damn File

Cannot find the damn file…

geeky internet

Abbott And Costello Go To Washington

Abbott And Costello Go To Washington.

political

How Did You Get In My House?

If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple “Thank you” is all I need. Not all this “How did you get in my house?” business.

breakfast imagery

Don’t Copy If You Can’t Paste

Don’t copy if you can’t paste…

sexist work

Throwing People

A tomato’s fear.

food imagery

Humans Of Sunnybank

In Asia culture, it’s important for wife to trust husband and let him be the leader in the house. That’s why after I am married, I will always leave big decision to him – for example, choosing between buy me a Chanel for birthday or go sleep on sofa for a whole month instead.

asian facebook imagery racist

When Someone Yells “STOP”…

When someone yells “STOP”, I never know if it’s in the name of love, it’s Hammertime, or I should collaborate and listen…

phrases

One Thing Led To Another

I hate when you’re reading something and you come across the phrase “one thing led to another”

comedians comedy grammar hitler imagery japan

Delete Cookies

Delete cookies?!

geeky imagery

Make Some More Mistakes

I’ve learned so much from my mistakes… I’m thinking of making a few more.

imagery mistakes posters

Mad Magazine’s Boy Grows Up

The boy from Mad Magazine morphing into George Bush.

imagery political

Girl’s And Boy’s Diaries

A girl and a boy and their diaries…

sexist

Holiday Workout

Holiday Workout: Three corkscrews.

alcohol holidays imagery wine

Zombie Apocalypse Spider

I laugh at your claims to bravely take on a zombie apocalypse, when most of you can’t stand up to a spider.

animals imagery spiders zombies

Canadian Security

Canadian Security: It may seem rude but for security reasons please do not open the door to strangers.

canada imagery notices

Colgate Dental Floss Advertising Campaign

Colgate have created an ingenious campaign to promote their dental floss.

advertising imagery

Tarzan Sex

When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle, she was attracted to him, and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex…

risqué

Procrastination Issues

I’m taking care of my procrastination issues; just you wait and see.

imagery

Facebook Farm

A dying granny tells her granddaughter, “I want to leave you my farm…

facebook internet

Valentine Hand

Of course I’ll be your valentine. Let’s stay home and watch some porn.

hands imagery risqué valentine’s day

Lost Wormhole

Do not attempt capture because you’ll totally screw with the space/time continuum bro.

imagery posters science

Seven Cats

If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?

animals apples cats imagery math

Annual Meeting Of Time Travellers

Annual Meeting of Time Travellers.

cars imagery time travel

I’ll Be Bag

A bag titled “I’ll Be Bag”

bags imagery shopping

Flower Porn

Even flowers do it…

imagery risqué

Always Wear Underwear

Always wear underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle…

mechanics underwear

Back From The Dead

Woo, it’s me! Back from the dead!

imagery sms

A Mosquito With A Helmet

Mosquitos flying towards a car.

cars imagery mosquitos

Problem Solving Flowchart

A simple, and humorous, flowchart that successfully troubleshoots almost any problem you can think of.

imagery

I Love My BSOD

Perhaps the only blue screen of death geeks would be happy to see.

boobs bsod computers fashion geeky imagery microsoft sexist shirts windows women

IE Retarded

I hope he doesn’t say something retarded…

browsers chrome firefox geeky imagery internet internet explorer opera safari

The Ant And The Grasshopper

The Original Story of the Ant and the Grasshopper.

australia democracy political racist

How Dishwashers Really Work

How dishwashers really work…

animals imagery

In Wine There Is Truth

In Wine there is Truth. In Beer there is Strength. In Water there is Bacteria.

alcohol beer imagery wine

I’m Batman

SMS conversation between Tim and Batman.

batman imagery iphone phones sms

Assistant Branch Manager

The Branch Manager and the Assistant Branch Manager.

animals business dogs imagery

Spring Is Here. I’m So Excited I Wet My Plants!

Spring is here. I’m so excited I wet my plants!

imagery signs spring

Amazing Holes

Amazing Holes from Around the World.

australia democracy imagery political risqué

Spring Is Just Around The Corner

Finally… Spring is just around the corner.

imagery

If You Are Lonely, Dim All Lights

If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror movie. After a while it won’t feel like you’re alone anymore.

horror movies

Monster Energy Drinks & Rubiks Cubes

Monster energy drinks & Rubiks Cubes: Dude. You have a problem. Problem solved!

energy drinks geeky imagery rubiks cubes

Horse Whisperer

A very amusing workplace complaint.

imagery work

Slimming Drink

You look so much better after a glass or two!

alcohol imagery

In Russia People Sneeze Fire

In Russia people sneeze fire after drinking lots of vodka.

alcohol animated fire imagery racist russia sneezing

EUNUCH Programmer's Manual - CONDOM(1)

The EUNUCH Programmer's Manual - CONDOM(1)

geeky risqué

Times Have Changed

An image from an operating manual for the SAGE air defense system

imagery

Sentence Structure: Why Sentence Structure Is Important

Sentence Structure: Why sentence structure is important.

risqué sexist work

I Have A Cannon

You have a Nikon? I have a Cannon.

cameras cannons imagery nikon

I’m Glad You’re Up

I’ve put all of your folded shirts on the floor for you.

animals cats imagery

Psycho The Rapist

Psycho the Rapist It’s one word George!

imagery psychotherapists signs

Dear Dog

Dear Dog… a letter from the cat.

animals cats dogs imagery

90’s Gamer

Everytime I hear people complain about online gaming, I wish they could experience my pain of online gaming in the 90’s…

computer games geeky imagery

Fight Apathy

…or don’t.

imagery

Ninja Exit

Ninja Exit Only

imagery ninjas

I Don’t Believe In Astrology

I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re sceptical.

arthur c clarke astrology quotations

The Seal Of Approval

The Seal of Approval…

animals imagery seals

Marriage Secrets Of Highly Successful Couples

Marriage secrets of highly successful couples.

imagery marriage men women

I Found This Humerus

I found this humerus.

bones imagery

What’s Green, Fuzzy, And If It Fell Out Of A Tree It Would Kill You?

What’s green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?

jokes pool puns sport trees

Woof

How do you get a cat to bark like a dog?

animals cats dogs joke

Kermit Sees The Doctor

Have a seat Kermit. What I’m about to tell you might come as a big shock…

imagery

Believe In Reincarnation

Yeah, well, I didn’t believe in reincarnation when I was your age, either.

imagery religious

Please, Dave… Please Don’t Let Me Be Locked Out From You!

Please, Dave… please don’t let me be locked out from you! For complete feminine hygiene rely on Lysol – a concentrated germ-killer!

advertising feminine hygiene imagery sexist vintage

I Wonder What I Would Look Like With A Six Pack?

I wonder what I would look like with a six pack? Ahh, much better!

alcohol beer fitness imagery

The Hey Whale

The Hey Whale. It defies description.

animals imagery whales

The Average Human Body Contains Enough Bones

The average human body contains enough bones to make an entire human skeleton.

bones imagery skeletons

No Pony For Christmas

No pony for Christmas? No window for driving!

animals cars children girls horses imagery

Already Exists

skdjaskdhsajdahsdjashds.jpg already exists. Do you want to replace it? You've got to be kidding me.

computers imagery

Men Are Happier

Men are Happier: What do you expect from such simple creatures?

sexist

Realistic Remotes

Some more useful remote controls we would like to see.

imagery sexist

But God, She Won’t Even Make Me A Sandwich…

But God, She Won’t Even Make Me a Sandwich…

food imagery sexist

Seal The Deal

What do you say we go behind this rock and seal the deal?

animals imagery seals

The Floor Is Still Wet

I have an interesting case here. An old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped…

crime police shooting

Well, That Escalated Quickly

Well, that escalated quickly.

guns imagery mp3 mp4 mp5

Our Education System

[To an assorted group of animals] Our Education System: For a fair selection everybody has to take the same exam: Please climb that tree.

animals dogs education elephants exams fish imagery monkeys penguins school seals

A Little Hand

I wish you could give me a little hand…

animals dogs imagery

Is It Me You’re Looking For?

Hello? Is it me you’re looking for?

imagery paper signs

My Computer Hard Drive Crashed. NSA Won’t Send Me Their Backup Copy.

My computer hard drive crashed. NSA won’t send me their backup copy.

america imagery political spying

Emoticons

Lots of emoticons…

imagery

The World’s Funniest Joke

The World’s Funniest Joke…

animals imagery joke

And I Was All Like, Pew Pew Pew!

And I was all like, pew pew pew! Pew pew pew! ‘Merica!

america guns imagery police racist

Interesting ATM

Man using a sexually provocative ATM.

imagery risqué sexist

The Clever Old Man

One evening an old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond…

farmers imagery men swimming women

Test Your Subconscious

This revolutionary test will expose the secret desires from your subconscious…

risqué

Can February March? No, But April May.

Can February March? No, but April May.

animals fish imagery

The Hypnotist

It was entertainment night at the senior centre and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill…

risqué

Punography

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me…

jokes punography puns

Will Be President For Food

Boy sitting next to sign “No Campaigning beyond This Point” holding sign “Will Be President for Food”.

imagery political

Seven Sharks

If you own 7 cats then people will think you’re crazy…

animals imagery

Hands In The Air!

Hands in the air! Now wave them around like you just don’t care!

comics guns hands imagery

Female Financial Planning

Women are so much better at financial planning than men.

money sexist

Monopoly Money For Fake Boobs

I think it’s only fair to throw monopoly money at strippers with fake boobs.

imagery money monopoly strippers

Afterburn - Whom Do You See?

Relax and concentrate on the four small dots in the middle of the picture…

illusion imagery

If Penguins Have Knees

3 out of 4 voices in my head want to sleep (the other wants to know if penguins have knees!)

animals penguins sleep

Mystery Books

You have to find them first…

books imagery

American Nun

A deserter GI was running down a road escaping from two MPs…

army war

Police & Protesters Help Fat Man Remove Pants

Police & Protesters help fat man remove pants…

imagery police protests

Disclaimer, Copyright & Contact Information

Feel free to send me anything you think might amuse me.

Welcome To The USA

The Government where the money’s made up and the debt doesn’t matter.

america democracy imagery tv

In Logan

Meanwhile… in Logan…

imagery logan racist risqué

Pages By Date

A list of all the pages, sorted by their last updated or creation dates.

Blackboard

School kid writing Code on blackboard as punishment.

geeky imagery

Something Wrong Officer?

Something wrong officer?

cars imagery

Slashdot For Dummies

Slashdot for Dummies – A Reference for the Rest of Us!

geeky imagery internet

Microsoft Office Suite Pass Key

Does anyone have an extra Microsoft Office suite pass key?

geeky imagery microsoft microsoft office

It Is Such A Drag When Someone In The Group Can’t Fly…

It is such a drag when someone in the group can’t fly… forcing everybody else to have to ride up the elevator too…

batman imagery superman wonderwoman

What Is A Sonofabitch?

What is a sonofab*tch, exactly?

imagery

Hippo Eats Dwarf

A hippopotamus has swallowed a dwarf in a circus accident…

animals circuses dwarfs hippopotamuses imagery

What Is A Word Made Up Of 4 Letters Yet Is Also Made Up Of 3

What is a word made up of 4 letters yet is also made up of 3. Although is written with 8 letters, and then with 4. Rarely consists of 6, and never is written with 5.

english words

Foot Smart

See if you can outsmart your foot…

Cat Bag

It’s a cat bag. Not too sure what else to say about this…

animals cats imagery

Keith Urban Accepted As Genuine Humanoid

Clint Felmingham: Did you know? Keith Urban is accepted by many Americans as a genuine humanoid/musician. Urban, a polymer composite (90% polyethene, 8% alcohol, 2% minor celebrity), was manufactured in Caboolture, Australia in 1987..

imagery keith urban musicians

Self Referencing Homework

What has been your greatest accomplishment so far?

homework imagery school

Video Games Ruined My Life

Video games ruined my life. Good thing I have two more.

computer games imagery

Olympus Fights Back

Olympus Fights Back: Canon versus Olympus

imagery photography

Ancient Japanese Proverb

Ancient Japanese Proverb. If you cannot understand Japanese, tilt your head to the right…

imagery risqué

Mayans Predicting The Future

Calm down… If the Mayans were good at predicting the future, there would still be Mayans.

mayans predictions

Secrets To A Happy Marriage

Secrets to a Happy Marriage…

marriage sexist

Australian Horror Story

American Horror Story versus Australian Horror Story

america australia birds horror movies imagery magpies

Creative Apple MacBook Stickers

A collection of creative Apple MacBook stickers & decals.

apple computers decals imagery laptops mac macbook stickers technology

Comments & Other Similar Social Data

Comments, Facebook Open Graph, & Other Similar Social Data.

Flying – Because Golf Only Takes One Ball

Flying – because softball, baseball, football, basketball, soccer, bowling and golf only take one ball.

flying imagery sport

Chocolate Pudding

It’s four o’clock in the morning. Why on earth are you making chocolate pudding?

cartoons food imagery

Don’t Grow Up

Don’t grow up. It’s a trap.

imagery signs

Entero Somewhere Elso

English: Do Not Enter Here; Spanish: Entero Somewhere Elso.

english etymology imagery languages spanish

L33t H4x0r H4ml37

Tales for the L33T PATR TOO - HAMLET

animated flash geeky imagery

Anatidaephobia

Anatidaephobia is the fear that somewhere in the world, there is a duck watching you.

anatidaephobia animals ducks imagery

BSOD: Blue Screen Of Death

The dreaded blue screen of death…

bsod geeky microsoft windows

Do Not Swallow Coathangers!

Caution: Do Not Swallow Coathangers!

coathangers imagery warnings

The All Blacks Bra

Introducing the New Zealand All Blacks Bra. All the support, but no cup.

bras imagery new zealand racist risqué sport

Only In America...

Only in America…

racist

Microsoft Car

Microsoft and General Motors on the Automobile.

cars computers geeky

Cockroach Cancer

Please, don’t throw your cigarette butts on the floor…

imagery

Sorry For Party Rocking

Sorry for Party Rocking: Driver jumps from burning bus, party bus explodes in Inala.

australia buses explosions imagery inala

How To Make Sure You’re A Normal Person

A quick and easy test to determine if you are a normal person…

Mailman Jumped 15 Feet

Mailman jumped 15 feet. Dog was right. This is fun.

cats imagery mailboxes

A Baby’s Laughter Is One Of The Most Beautiful Sounds You’ll Ever Hear

A baby’s laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you’ll ever hear. Unless it’s 3 AM, you’re home alone, and you don’t have a baby.

babies

Ten Things Men Know About Women

Ten things men know about women…

boobs sexist

Martha Stewart’s New Digs

Martha Stewart’s New Digs

imagery

Unprepared For An Exam

Ever gone into an exam having not studied at all?

imagery school

Granny LSD

Boy asks his Granny, “Have you seen my pills labelled ‘LSD’?”

drugs

Seven Ate Nine

Six, Seven, Ate, Nine…

imagery math

Laurel And Hardy

Laurel and Hardy were repairing their roof. All of a sudden, Hardy lost his balance and went tumbling on the ground…

joke

Hillary Clinton Goes To Her Doctor For A Physical…

Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical…

political risqué

BlondeStar

What to do when you’re locked inside your car, and the keys are outside…

blonde cars sexist

Home Mechanics

Home Mechanics and their cars.

cars imagery

Brand New BMW

The owner of the company where I work pulled up in his brand new BMW this morning…

bmw cars imagery work

Polished My Car Too Much

Polished my car too much, now it’s invisible…

cars imagery

Steady Hand – The Results

Steady Hand – The Results (or what happens when you play Steady Hand)

imagery

Canada Has A Serious Epidemic

Protect yourself and others from the flute.

canada flutes imagery signs

Melt Ice With My Mind

I can melt ice with my mind… just give me a few minutes…

ice imagery mindpower

Womb Service

Hello, Womb Service? I’d like a double order of hot wings…

babies imagery

Resisting A Rest

If I refuse to nap… is that resisting a rest?

babies imagery

Operating System Airlines

Operating System Airlines.

computers geeky

Breathe Right

Darth Vader going for some Breathe Right.

darth vader imagery

Insert Disk Two

Please insert disk two.

computers imagery

Animals That Didn’t Expect Their Humans To Come Home So Early!

Animals that didn’t expect their humans to come home so early!

animals cats dogs imagery

I Think I Might Stay Home Tonight…

I think I might stay home tonight… Liver and Wallet like this.

facebook imagery

24 Chickens

24 Chickens: The shoe rack at the front door…

imagery school

Logan Repair

Another quality repair job by Logan City Council.

accidents imagery logan racist windows

Upgrade Kit For IPhone 4 Owners

Upgrade kit for iPhone 4 owners. Only 99¢.

apple imagery iphone phones

I’m Starting To Think My Husband Masturbates

I’m not absolutely certain yet, but I’m starting to think my husband masturbates

imagery masturbation risqué

You Can See Me?

Next time a stranger talks to me when I’m alone I will look at them shocked and just whisper quietly, “you can see me?”

invisible

Cooking Shows

If we watched cooking shows the way guys watch sports.

imagery sexist tv women

Drunk Octopus Wants To Fight

Drunk Octopus Wants to Fight…

animals imagery octopuses

Trapped Miners

The first photo of the trapped miners…

imagery

Thinking Outside The Square

A sideways television.

imagery tv

A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN

A message to the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.

america britain political queen elizabeth ii queens racist royalty

The Lift

A man and woman meet outside an elevator door…

imagery risqué sexist

Too Much Thyme On My Hands

I’ve got way too much tyme on my hands.

food imagery thyme

Logan Doorbell

To ring door bell, connect wires.

doorbells imagery logan racist

Charlie Sheen For Halloween

No, you can’t be Charlie Sheen for Halloween.

imagery

Amusing Hollywood Squares Answers

Amusing Hollywood Squares Answers.

game shows tv

Apple IOS6 Maps

For the benefit of passengers using Apple iOS6, local area maps are available from the booking office.

apple imagery ios ios6 transport

Notepad Business Card

A business card styled to look like Windows Notepad.

business cards geeky imagery notepad windows

What If The Beatles Had Been Computer Freaks?

What if the Beatles had been computer freaks?

geeky music

High Rabbits

Two rabbits getting high on marijuana.

animals drugs imagery rabbits

Star Wars

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…

geeky imagery movies star wars

Bread Dog

The Amazing Bread Dog.

animals bread dogs food imagery

A Brief History Of Australia

Australia was founded in 1901 by Jimmy “Crocodile” Austral, a deportee of England who was banished for cannibalism, having eaten 32 members of the House of Lords. In accordance with English colonial law, this entitled him to an entire already-inhabited continent.

australia history racist

Pregnancy & Women: Questions

Pregnancy & Women: Frequently Asked Questions

Seek And Find You…

I shall seek and find you…

medical

DBA/SQL Humour

An SQL query walks into a bar, goes up to two tables and asks, “May I join you?”

dba geeky imagery sql

Reverse Mermaid

You are alone on an uninhabited island. Which of these would you choose as your companion?

fish imagery mermaids

IPad Stone

iPad versus a stone.

geeky imagery

Pasta Truck

A pasta truck, or a very large pasta.

food imagery pasta trucks

Drop Bears – Department Of Dangerous Fauna Management

Dropbears are a very real danger to all Australians. Almost one in ten Australians has been attacked by a Dropbear, and the rate is even higher for foreign visitors. Don’t become another statistic. Always beware low branches and doorframes. Look up. Stay Alive.

animals australia dropbears imagery koalas

A Wild Bus Drinking Water

And here we see a wild bus drinking water from a river.

accidents buses imagery rivers wildlife documentaries

Scientific Breakthrough – Governmentium

A major research institution recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named Governmentium.

political

Effective Birth Control

The most effective birth control method known to man.

birth control imagery risqué

Tearable Puns

These are tearable puns.

imagery jokes paper puns signs

Simple Eye Examination Test

A simple eye examination chart.

imagery

Dog Poo Bin

If your dog does a poo please put it in a litter bin.

animals dogs imagery

L33t H4x0r R0m30 4nd Jul13t

Tales for the L33T - ROMEO+JULIET

animated flash geeky imagery

Blacks For Sale

They can still do that?

blacks imagery racist

Just Checking

“Just doing a spot-check to see what you’re doing… Yup, sitting at your computer again!” The expression on this ostrich’s face is excellent.

animals imagery

Legoland Will Never Be The Same...

Legoland will never be the same…

imagery

Missed You...

Image of a soldier pointing a gun towards the camera with caption “When you first left, I missed you badly… I WONT THIS TIME”

imagery

An Atheist, A Jew, And A Christian Walk Into A Bar…

An atheist, a Jew, and a Christian walk into a bar…

christian imagery jewish muslim racist

A Woman’s Wish

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods…

sexist

Geek Meditation Session

In your mind’s browser, clear your cache… now delete your history… now navigate to a blank web page…

geeky imagery meditation

Please Use Finger

Pen is broken - please use finger.

imagery risqué signs

I’m Really Afraid Of Johnny Depp

Research shows that if you’re afraid of spiders, you’re more likely to find one in your bedroom. I’m really afraid of Johnny Depp.

animals imagery johnny depp movie stars spiders

It’s A-me, Mario!

Mario emerging from a drainpipe.

computer games imagery mario

Do Not Swallow Chewing Gum

Warning: Do not swallow chewing gum!

chewing gum imagery warnings

Physical Fitness

This department requires no physical fitness program.

work

Aware Wolf

A werewolf. A wearwolf. A warewolf. Aware wolf.

animals dogs imagery werewolves wolves

Speed Camera Hack

Car with SQL injection taped to the front.

cars geeky imagery sql

Like If You Can Raed Tihs

Like if you can raed tihs whit no porlqebm baecuas yuor jsut taht sarmt.

english imagery

All This Technology Is Making Us Antisocial

All this technology is making us antisocial: A tram full of people ignoring each other and reading the newspaper.

imagery newspapers technology

An IT Student Is Walking Along With His Bike…

An IT student is walking along with his bike…

bikes geeky it sexist

You Never Listen To Me…

You never listen to me! You only hear what you want to hear!

beer imagery sexist

What Kind Of Sorcery Lets These Two Blocks Be The Same Color?

One is dark, one is light. One is gray, one is white. These are obviously two different blocks with two different colors right? Wrong. The two blocks are the same color.

illusion imagery

Dangerous Australia

It’s no wonder we all live here…

animals australia dangerous imagery

How To Play Chess

How to Play Chess: Whites go first. The Queen must protect the King.

chess feminists imagery sexist women

Stress Management

A stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological texts.

stress work

Scrabble Jokes

I accidentally swallowed some scrabble tiles… My next dump could spell disaster.

imagery jokes scrabble

Humans Don’t Land On Their Feet

Gee you’re right, humans don’t land on their feet.

accidents animals cats imagery ladders

Group Therapy

…is not going to make Q any less of a hated letter.

board games games imagery

Mac Weed

A take-off of the Apple Macintosh switch ads.

advertising apple computers geeky imagery mac

Super Batman

The Super Batman back pack, exclusive from China!

imagery

Dormeyer Crying Wives

Wives: Look this ad over carefully. Circle the items you want for Christmas. Show it to your husband. If he does not go to the store immediately, cry a little…

advertising imagery sexist vintage

Horton Hears The Who

Horton Hears the Who

comics imagery

Has One Night Stand

Has one night stand, but way too many books to fit on it.

imagery racist

Achilles’ Heel

You got a dog?! Yup! His name is Achilles…

animals dogs imagery

Lying About Skim Milk

There’s only one thing I hate more than lying. Skim milk, which is water that’s lying about being milk.

imagery milk

Kiwi Pig Sheep

Voted Best Joke of the Year in Australia…

australia new zealand racist

What Rabbits Do

What rabbits do when humans go out…

animals imagery rabbits

Sexy Motorbike

I am not too sure what to say about this…

imagery motorbikes risqué

A Redneck Love Poem

Susie Lee done fell in love…

racist redneck

Wrong Button

Fighter jet hits the wrong button.

air force fighter jets imagery jets navy

I’m From Logan

I killed a man. You? I’m from Logan.

imagery jail logan racist

Cocaine Toothache Drops

Cocaine Toothache Drops: Instantaneous Cure! 15¢.

advertising cocaine drugs imagery toothache vintage

Sex Maniac

Dear Dr Ruth, I’m writing to tell you my problem. It seems I have been married to a sex maniac for the past 22 years…

imagery self-help sex

Toilet Vandalism

We buy things we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people we don’t like…

imagery toilets vandalism

More Expressions Than Kristen Stewart

Still more expressions than Kristen Stewart.

darth vader imagery kristen stewart

Temptation

Temptation, by a soon to be married man.

risqué

Blind Pilots

You know, Bob, one of these days, they’re going to scream too late, and we’re all gonna die…

pilots

How High Are You?

How High Are You? No Officer, it’s “Hi, how are you”.

cars drugs imagery police

Survival Tracking Guide

The Pirate, the Ninja, & the Zombie…

geeky imagery ninjas pirates zombies

There Was A Spider, I Panicked

There was a spider, I panicked. But I think it’s gone now.

animals fire imagery spiders

IDK LY TTYL

IDK LY TTYL: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later.

acronyms imagery iphone phones

Batman Downsized

Batman forced to downsize with increase in petrol prices…

imagery

Got To Love Drunk People

>A man, and his wife are awakened at 3 o’clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door…

Toast Toasts Toast?

If guns don’t kill people, people kill people, does that mean…

guns imagery toast

How Did The Hipster Burn His Tongue?

How did the hipster burn his tongue? He sipped on his coffee before it was cool.

coffee hipsters imagery signs

Free Air Guitars

Christmas Gift Ideas: Free Air Guitars.

guitars imagery music

Please Don’t Let The Cat Out. No Matter What It Tells You!

Please don’t let the cat out. No matter what it tells you!

animals cats imagery

Escape Egg

Counting down the days to escape…

eggs imagery

OCD Bricks

The worst thing that can happen to an OCD person…

bricks footpaths imagery ocd

Pooh Everywhere

Watch your step, there’s pooh everywhere!

imagery winnie the pooh

Popular Sayings #38

Dress for the job you want, not the one you have.

comics imagery movies work

The Atheist & The Bear

The Atheist and the Religious Bear

religious

When A Woman Says “what?”

When a woman says “what?”, it’s not because she didn’t hear you. She’s giving you a chance to change what you said.

sexist women

Did You Know There Is A Species Of Antelope Capable Of Jumping Higher Than The Average House?

Did you know there is a species of antelope capable of jumping higher than the average house? This is due to its powerful hind legs and the fact that the average house cannot jump.

animals antelopes imagery

Baby Instructions

Some useful instructions to keep baby alive and well…

babies imagery instructions

Emu War

Result: Emu Victory.

animals australia emus war

Hey, Bug On My Back…

Hey, bug on my back, are you a mite? I mite be. Stupidest pun I ever heard…

animals bugs flies imagery joke mites

Alphabet Game

The Alphabet Game is a car game played to amuse travellers on long car rides.

alphabet games imagery

A Love Story With A Happy Ending

Once upon a time, a bloke asked a girl “Will you marry me?”

sexist

Paper Says Yes

Would you like a little piece of paper that says yes to hang onto during the tough times ahead? (Maybe it will help)

imagery notices paper signs

Just Being A Cat

Dog attacks person. Put dog to sleep. Cat attacks person. LOL, jus’ bein’ a cat.

animals cats dogs imagery

25 Year Old Escort

But Mr. Berlusconi, you said, “Send a 25 years old escort to my villa!”

cars imagery italy racist risqué

World’s Largest Golf Ball

World’s largest golf ball. Gigantic turtle for scale.

animals golf imagery sport turtles

Recruiters Are One Step Above The Mafia

Recruiters are one step above the Mafia…

imagery mafia recruiters

This Banana Tastes Funny

“This banana tastes funny” – George Bush.

bananas food george bush imagery

Adobe Updates

I don’t always have an update…

adobe geeky imagery updates

Water Enhanced Breasts

Water Enhanced Breasts…

boobs imagery risqué

This Summarises My Love Life

This summarises my love life. I’m the guy in blue…

imagery love

Lost Phone

A man sends SMS from a lost phone…

imagery phones sms sms

Amusing Chat

Humour from the world of Internet Chat

geeky internet

Dishes

Dishes: They don’t do themselves.

dishes imagery

Hidden Giraffe

If you stare at this picture long enough you should be able to see a giraffe…

animals animated giraffes imagery

No Public Motor Boating Permitted

No public motor boating permitted.

imagery risqué signs

Steve Jobs & Bill Gates Discuss Heaven

Steve Jobs & Bill Gates Discuss Heaven: It doesn’t have any wall or fence…

apple bill gates computers heaven imagery microsoft phones religious steve jobs windows

Always Give 100%

Whatever you do always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood.

imagery signs

The Dead Rabbit

The Dead Rabbit, aka The Worst Joke Ever…

animals joke

Flying Ants

How ants began to fly…

animals drugs imagery

Ladies Beach Volleyball

Just been watching Ladies Beach Volleyball, and there’s already been a wrist injury… but I should be OK by Friday.

facebook imagery sexist sport volleyball

Horny Pirate’s Worst Nightmare

What’s a horny pirate’s worst nightmare?

imagery movies pirates

Emergency Bridge Repair Team

Duct Tape: Good for anything.

duct tape imagery work

Edward Snowden Buys A Plane Ticket From Moscow To Havana…

Snowden buys a plane ticket from Moscow to Havana. Over 30 journalists pay last-minute airfare for a ticket on the same flight. The doors shut, the plane takes off, and [Edward] Snowden is not on the plane. It’s a 16-hour flight.

imagery political snowden spying wikileaks

Redheads

How do you get a redhead…

redheads sexist

Stolen Generator

So I heard about the stolen generation…

aboriginal australia imagery racist the rock

The Bank Account Gas Ratio

The depressing ratio between your bank account, and your gas tank.

cars imagery petrol

Va-Rice-Ity: My Man Likes Something Unexpected…

My man likes something unexpected now and then. That’s why I serve him rice.

advertising imagery rice risqué sexist vintage

Holding Doors

Holding Doors: A Question of Distance.

canada etiquette imagery

Calm Living

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me today, and we all could probably use more calm in our lives.

alcohol

If Your A Grammar Nazi

If your a grammar nazi and your reading this your gonna have a bad time.

english grammar

What Would Robots From The 1960's…

What would robots from 1960’s and 1970’s TV say today with current software installed?

daleks doctor who geeky robots

How Mother And Baby “Picked Up”

Blatz Beer: How Mother and Baby “Picked Up”.

advertising babies beer imagery mothers vintage

The Day Einstein Feared

The day that Einstein feared may have finally arrived.

einstein imagery phones technology

I’ll Just Be A Stripper.

Screw this: I’ll just be a stripper.

imagery math school

A Cop Just Pulled Me Over And Said “Papers”

A cop just pulled me over and said “Papers”… so I said “Scissors, I win” and drove off…

imagery police

The Poodle And The Leopard

Experience trumps youth.

Alarm Clock That Releases Spiders

Million dollar idea… alarm clock that releases spiders! Now you’re up!

alarms animals clocks imagery spiders

Fire Distinguisher

Fire Distinguisher: Yep, that’s fire…

fire imagery

Geology

Name the three types of rock.

geology imagery school

Vegetative State

Vegetative State.

imagery

I Was Going To Make A Joke About A Bank, But Then I Lost Interest…

I was going to make a joke about a bank, but then I lost interest…

banks imagery

Iron Man Competition

Ironman Competition - the way it should be…

imagery sexist

Get Well Soon

A raccoon lies dead on the road, holding a “get well soon” balloon.

animals imagery raccoons

There Are Three Kinds Of People: Impatient, Patient, And Rich.

There are three kinds of people: Impatient, patient, and rich.

imagery movies

Broken Penis

I broke my penis and it exploded all over my pants.

autocorrect imagery iphone sms

Mayans Predicting The Hobbit Movie

Keep calm. The Mayans were simply counting down to The Hobbit movie.

mayans movies predictions the hobbit tolkien

I'd Rather Break My Arms Than Take Two Trips

I'd rather break my arms than take two trips.

imagery men

English (Traditional) And English (Simplified)

English (Traditional) and English (Simplified).

america english imagery racist

Fifteen Things To Do At The Supermarket…

Fifteen things to do at the supermarket while your spouse is taking their sweet time…

The Best Photo Caption

A western woman in Africa—presumably a tourist—squats to go to the toilet in the bush, pants down, toilet paper in hand, her backpack in the grass nearby; unaware a lion is sneaking up behind her. Captioned “if she hasn’t… she will soon”.

africa animals cats imagery lions tourists

Orders From A Rock

[On a rock] Turn me over. You just took orders from a rock.

imagery rocks

First Time Seeing Fireworks

A baby sees fireworks for the first time.

animated babies fireworks imagery

Things Don’t Really Change

Interviewer: What would you consider to be your greatest weakness?

imagery jobs work

A Teaser

You must stare very closely at the door in this image for around 30 seconds…

animated imagery

Jackass Piglet

Hi, my name’s piglet and this is Jackass.

animals bears cartoons imagery pigs

Damn Women Drivers

This morning on the freeway, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Cadillac doing 110…

driving sexist women

The Girls Are Talking About Tampons

The Blonde: It’s invisible sanitary protection, thank heavens…

advertising feminine hygiene imagery risqué sexist tampons vintage

Caution: Door May Open

Caution: Door May Open.

imagery

Trannysaurus

Trannysaurus: You’re fired.

dinosaurs imagery museums

Bob Hawke’s Yard Of Ale

While at university at Oxford in 1963, Bob Hawke, former Prime Minister of Australia, entered the Guinness Book of Records here at the Turf Tavern after downing a yard of ale (that’s just over 2½ pints!) in just 11 seconds.

alcohol australia bob hawke imagery oxford political

I Love The Smell Of Pixel In The Morning

I Love the Smell of Pixel in the Morning…

food imagery

Little Green Balls Of Death

Little Green Balls of Death

food imagery

How To Be Black

How to be Black: An Instructional Book.

imagery racist

Chris Brown & Rihanna Bananas

I can’t believe she didn’t press charges. It got worse when he posted the unpeeled photos of her.

bananas chris brown food imagery rihanna

Vodka Diet: Lose 3 Days In 1 Week

Vodka Diet: Lose 3 Days in 1 Week.

alcohol food imagery vodka

Blonde Geometry

Attached is problem 3 on a geometry examination…

blonde imagery sexist

Good Things Are Twice As Good In Cellophane

Good things are twice as good in Cellophane!

advertising babies imagery

A Russian Arrives In New York

A Russian arrives in New York City as a new immigrant to the United States…

america racist

MSN Shuts Down

We reminisce about “the good old days” of MSN…

geeky imagery microsoft msn

Medical Marijuana

What disease is your medical marijuana relieving?

drugs homophobia imagery marijuana medical

John’s Weather Forecasting Stone

One of the most reliable ways of forecasting…

forecasting imagery

Printer For Sale

Printer For Sale. Works Terribly.

for sale imagery posters printers

I Will Deprive You Of Sex

I will deprive you of sex all night with my crying and then suck on your wife’s tits in the morning.

babies imagery risqué

Nothing To Do

In case of nothing to do, break glass and then sweep up broken glass.

imagery work

For Too Long The Voice Of Women Has Been Silenced

For too long the voice of women has been silenced. It’s time they had microphones in kitchens.

imagery kitchens sexist women

Buttons

Lots of buttons…

imagery

Sharks Are A Lot Friendlier Without Pointy Teeth

Sharks are a lot friendlier without pointy teeth.

animals imagery sharks

Be The First Of Your Friends To Like This Post.

A post with a poster on it, “Be the first of your friends to like this post”.

facebook imagery

Purina Diet

The Purina Pet Food Diet.

animals dieting dogs

Dear Tech Support

Girlfriend technical support…

geeky sexist

Flying Sharks

Flying sharks… we’re screwed.

animals imagery sharks

Future Man

So you’re saying people will “tweet” what they’re eating for breakfast?

facebook imagery internet

How The Internet Started: A History Lesson

How the Internet Started: A History Lesson.

geeky history internet it

Pregnancy Tips

Some useful pregnancy tips…

babies imagery pregnancy

A Middle-aged Woman Decides To Have A Facelift…

A middle-aged woman decides to have a facelift…

This Year Thousands Of Men Will Die From Stubbornness…

This year thousands of men will die from stubbornness. No we won’t.

advertising imagery men sexist signs

Kiwi Condoms

Australia runs out of condoms…

australia condoms new zealand racist risqué

Round Illusion

Unusual round illusion.

illusion imagery

Winter Classes For Men

Winter Classes for Men at the Learning Centre for Adults

sexist

Blow In Her Face

Blow in her face and she'll follow you anywhere.

advertising cigarettes imagery risqué sexist vintage

But These Are For Girls

But these are for girls… Holy Crap! I look fabulous!

animals cats glasses imagery

Seize The Day

Seize The Day: Sign up for the Epilepsy Awareness Walk.

epilepsy imagery posters

Keep Off The Grass

A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothes, entered…

medical risqué

Secrets To A Long, Happy Marriage

An old woman was sipping on a glass of wine…

alcohol imagery marriage wine

Dog Queue

Sometimes, even dogs have to queue…

animals dogs imagery

Sex Tape

I made a sex tape. Shhh!

imagery risqué sex

Slur In Cursive

When I drink, I don’t slur my words… I speak in cursive.

alcohol drunk imagery

Go Home Bus, You’re Drunk!

Go home bus, you’re drunk!

buses imagery

Hello Kitty

It’s sickeningly cute. Perhaps literally if its expression is anything to go by…

animals cats imagery

Just Wait Until I’m Fully Charged

Just wait until I’m fully charged…

animals cats imagery

The Mayan Calendar

I only had enough room to go up to 2012…

calendars comics imagery mayans

Dachshund Racing

Googled “dachshund racing”. Was not disappointed.

animals dachshunds dogs imagery racing

Are Those Yours?

…they’re turning out so big and cute!

boobs imagery risqué sexist

Let’s All Take A Moment And Be Thankful That Spiders Don’t Fly.

Let’s all take a moment and be thankful that spiders don’t fly!

animals imagery spiders

Sweet Justice

Workcover versus the police…

highway patrol police speeding workcover

Told Her Not To Brag About Her Barbie Dream House…

Told her not to brag about her barbie dream house…

explosions guns imagery

Cute Party Trick

Man with finger up nose and out of eye.

imagery

Balloons Are So Weird…

Balloons are so weird… “Happy Birthday, here’s a plastic sack of my breath”

balloons birthdays imagery

Child Beating

A seven year old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama…

children parenting sport

Crayon Gun

A fantastic gun made from many every-day items.

guns imagery

So We Got Pugsy A New Chew Toy…

So we got Pugsy a new chew toy…

animals dogs imagery

Major Tom’s Ground Control

Major Tom’s Ground Control Lawn and Garden Management.

cars gardens imagery

Crows Killed By Trucks

Why are so many crows killed by trucks?

animals birds crows imagery trucks

My Dog Bailey Tried To Steal Stuff Out Of My Daughter’s Purse.

My dog Bailey tried to steal stuff out of my daughter’s purse. He got stuck and came over to me for help.

dogs imagery

Irish Pets

Two Irish men walk into a pet shop…

animals irish racist

Is There Anything Worse Than A Lego For Stepping On In The Middle Of The Night?

Is there anything worse than a Lego for stepping on in the middle of the night? A landmine.

imagery topgear tv

Usain Bold, Usain Italic

Usain Bolt: Usain Bold, Usain Italic.

fonts imagery running sport usain bolt

Make Your Own Apple Laptop

Make your own Apple laptop the cheap—and healthy—way!

apple apples computers food imagery laptops technology

Girlfriends: Harry Potter Versus Twilight

Ginny: When Harry broke up with me for my safety…

imagery movies romance

The Most Difficult Thing To Explain To Someone From The 1950s

If someone from the 1950s suddenly appeared today, what would be the most difficult thing to explain to them about life today?

history imagery

Worst Apocalypse Ever

[A grumpy cat the day the Mayan calendar ended] “Still Here. Worst Apocalypse Ever.”

animals cats imagery mayans predictions

How To Be Green

A boardgame: How to be Green…

imagery

Exercise - Some Facts

Exercise… some facts.

joke

In Case Of Zombies

In case of zombies… or yard work…

imagery tools work zombies

The Fellowship Of The Ring

The Fellowship of the Ring.

There Are Two Rules For Success

There are two rules for success: Never reveal everything you know…

advertising billboards imagery

That Conspiracy Stuff

I’m telling you – the man and the dog are definitely working together…

animals conspiracies dogs imagery sheep

Confused Carpentry

A Carpenter’s Nightmare.

illusion imagery

Regrets

I stay up late every night, and realise it’s a bad idea every morning.

animals birds imagery owls regrets

The Loving Husband

A man had two of the best tickets for the opening State of Origin match. As he sits down, another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him…

football relationships sexist sport

Notice

Notice is hereby given…

Hair Dryer

Darling, please give me the hair dryer…

imagery sexist

Technology For Country Folk

Technology for Country Folk.

redneck technology

I Love You Zebra

Bite marks are love notes written in flesh. I love you zebra.

animals imagery zebras

To Avoid Perpetuating Gender Stereotypes

To avoid perpetuating gender stereotypes, I gave my daughter a mix of dolls and toy cars to play with. This is what happened…

children imagery sexist toys

Women Can’t Park

Who said that women can’t park?

brooms imagery parking sexist witches women

Complimentary Pretzels

A guy walks into a bar and takes a seat. Before he can order a beer, the bowl of pretzels in front of him says “Hey, you’re a handsome fellow.”

jokes

Short Story

A college class was told they had to write a short story in as few words as possible.…

english grammar risqué school university writing

Argument Typo

Heh I was almost forced to face the fact that my argument was bad but I see here that you made a typo hahaha tough luck pal.

arguments english grammar imagery

Drunk Cows

Drunk Cows: Bruce you are drunk.

animals cars cows drunk imagery

Punctuation Is Powerful.

Punctuation is powerful.

sexist

Seal This Opening

I was told to seal this opening, so here I am.

animals imagery seals

Men Are Better Than Women!

Indoors, women are useful — even pleasant. On a mountain they are something of a drag. So don’t go hauling them up a cliff…

advertising imagery sexist sweaters vintage

Costello’s Reward For Being Loyal

Costello’s reward for being loyal…

australia political

Ordering Pizza In The Year 2025

Ordering pizza in the year 2025…

political

Call The Rescue Squad!

I’m sorry dear. I can’t hear you. I’m in the kitchen, making you a sandwich.

imagery sexist

The Road To Success

On the road to success, there are no shortcuts…

accidents cars imagery trucks

National Portrait Gallery

National Portrait Gallery. National Landscape Gallery…

art geeky imagery

Australian Condoms

New Zealand runs out of condoms…

australia condoms new zealand racist risqué

Men & Women In Sport

Women: No problem girls… I can go on. Men: Ahhhh! I’m dying.

imagery injuries sexist sport

Funniest Alien Fan Art I’ve Seen

Funniest Alien Fan Art I’ve Seen.

aliens imagery

Rap Loses To Rock

Rap is like scissors, it always loses to rock.

imagery music rap rock signs

Went To The Moon, Took 5 Photos. Went To The Bathroom, Took 37 Photos.

Went to the moon, took 5 photos. Went to the bathroom, took 37 photos.

girls imagery moon photography sexist space women

Crocodile Lion

An interesting dinnertime story…

animals crocodiles imagery

Passive Agressive Hippie

Passive Agressive Hippie: You want a [peace sign] of me?

hippies imagery shirts

Chosen One

I’m the chosen one…

imagery phones sms

The Bat Cave

The location of our Bat Cave is meant to be secret, so stop checking in!

cartoons comics imagery movies

Before Tweeting

In case of fire: Exit building before tweeting about it.

imagery

Perfect Existence

Perfect Existence: The Proof

Pop Out Of Bed

If people were meant to pop out of bed we’d all sleep in toasters.

cats comics imagery

Spiderman

If Spiderman was a gay night-clubber…

animated imagery

Angry Pumpkin Man

Angry Pumpkin Man: Come at me bro!

halloween imagery pumpkins vegetables

Cat Found

Cat Found. Very aggressive.

animals cats imagery racoons

Where Is Amanda’s Husband?

Amanda is 21 years older than her son John. In 6 years from now, Amanda will be 5 times as old as John…

jokes risqué

Microsoft Lightbulb Jokes

Microsoft Lightbulb Jokes.

computers geeky

Redneck Ingenuity

Redneck Ingenuity: Shoes for tyres.

imagery redneck

The 10 Commandments

The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse or parliament…

political religious

Dead Snowmen

Gruesomely dead snowmen.

imagery snow

I See Dumb People

I see dumb people… They are everywhere!

imagery

Bush And The Queen

While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen…

political

IP Jokes

I’d tell you a UDP joke, but you may not get it.

geeky jokes

Michelangelo: The Re-enactment

A re-enactment of Michelangelo’s famous “The Creation of Adam”.

art imagery michelangelo paintings reenactment sistine chapel

Requesting Air Support

Requesting Air Support! “Believe in yourself. You can do it!”

aeroplanes aircraft imagery war

Jester App

Sorry–you've been replaced by an app…

imagery phones

I Took The Shell Off My Racing Snail, Thinking It Would Make Him Run Faster.

I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him run faster.

animals jokes puns racing snails

Banana Phone

It’s a banana phone…

bananas food imagery phones

Bogan Bass

Bogan Bass: Yet somehow still better than Beats by Dr Dre.

bogans imagery iphone speakers

Ferrari Sack Pit Crew

The Ferrari Formula 1 Team fired their entire pit crew yesterday…

racist

The 2011 Adelaide Earthquake

The 2011 Adelaide Earthquake: We will rebuild.

adelaide australia chairs disaster earthquake imagery

Row Row Row Your Boat

Row row row your boat. Shut up Carl.

boats imagery rowing war

Feeling Sluggish

I’ve been feeling a bit sluggish…

animals imagery slugs

Police: Knock Knock

Police: Knock Knock. Me: Who is it? Police: It’s the police.

knock knock police

Not Allowed

When a dog is all out of luck.

animals imagery

Bacon Tree

Back in cowboy times, a westbound wagon train was lost and low on food…

jewish racist

Times Change

…but other things don’t.

computers imagery

A Dog Named Stay

I bought a dog once. Named him ‘Stay’…

animals dogs imagery

Let’s Get You Home Buddy

Two giraffe having problems getting home.

animals giraffes imagery

Phone Sex

Phone Sex. You’re doing it wrong.

imagery phones risqué sex

Furniture Training

Furniture training for one of their main purposes in life…

imagery

Fail Towing

Thank You for Using Fail Towing, Inc.

cars imagery

How Babies Are Made

How babies are made (with an air pump).

babies imagery pregnancy

Stop Surfing The Internet And Just Go To Bed

Holy crap! Look how late it is! Why do I always do this? Why is it so hard to stop surfing the internet and just go to bed?

animals imagery internet rabbits

New Seatbelt Design: 45% Less Car Accidents!

A man driving a car while a woman sits beside him, with her seatbelt across her mouth, preventing her from commenting.

accidents cars imagery seatbelts sexist

Dear Thigh Fat

Help the needy?

Evolution: Stop Following Me!

The typical “evolution of man” poster, except the man is facing his “earlier ancestors” saying “Stop following me!”

evolution imagery

Communist Traitor

It looks like you’re a Communist traitor…

communist geeky imagery microsoft software

**** I Forgot To Turn Off The Oven

**** I forgot to turn off the oven.

imagery

Marketing

Marketing…

imagery

Happier With A Hoover

Christmas morning she’ll be happier with a Hoover.

advertising imagery sexist vintage

Grow Some Balls

Why do people say ‘grow some balls’?

imagery risqué sexist

Illusions

Warning: May induce epilepsy or cardiac arrest…

animated flash illusion imagery

A Signal They Forgot To Teach You In Your Open Water Class.

Big shark behind you: A signal they forgot to teach you in your open water class.

diving imagery sharks sign language

Give A Man A Fish And He Has Food For A Day

Give a man a fish and he has food for a day. Teach a man to fish and he has to buy bamboo rods, graphite reels, monofilament lines, neoprene waders, creels, tackleboxes, lures, flies, spinners, worm rigs, slip sinkers, offset hooks, gore-tex hats, 20 pocket vests, fish finders, depth sounders, radar, boats, trailers, global positioning systems, coolers and six-packs.

animals boats fish fishing imagery

Math Joke

Math joke.

jokes math

I Wish These Were Brains

Sexist, but contains breasts…

boobs imagery sexist women

Elephant Bone

…just to confuse future archaeologists.

imagery

Read Your Book Case

A bookcase worth reading.

books imagery

I’m So Sick Of Not Being Understood!

I’m so sick of not being understood! What do you mean?

imagery

Buffering

Buffy buffering…

buffering buffy imagery tv

General Hierarchical Management Structure

I’ve never seen a Flow Chart described so clearly.

animals imagery

Tomorrow (noun)

Tomorrow (noun): a mystical land where 99% of all human productivity, motivation and achievement is stored.

grammar imagery tomorrow

Psychiatric Answering Machine

A Psychiatric Office Answering Machine.

audio

The Circle Of Life

The Circle of Life: Who is afraid of who?

animals cats cockroaches dogs imagery men women

Handegg

Football versus Handegg: It’s not football…

imagery sport

XBOX Girlfriend

A real girlfriend does not complain when her boyfriend is on his xbox…

computer games geeky imagery sexist

Bipolar Awesome

English can be weird. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.

english grammar

Talking Clock

Why, that’s my Talking Clock…

Alcohol Research

Bum holding sign “Need Cash for Alcohol Research”.

alcohol imagery

Step Ladder

The Troubles of Being a Step Ladder…

imagery step ladders tools

Procrastination

Have a little look at the Internet…

imagery internet

Athens Olympic Soccer Stadium

The Athens Olympic Stadium…

olympics racist sport

IPhone 5 Plus Versus Nokia 3310

iPhone 6 Plus versus Nokia 3310: Does it bend?

apple imagery iphone iphone 6 nokia phones

A BMW Donkey

A BMW donkey. Not much more to be said really.

animals cars donkeys imagery

Let’s Go For A Drink…

Goldstar Beer Ads: What goes through the mind of men and women when they’re asked to go for a drink…

alcohol imagery sexist

What Are Your Plans For The Weekend?

What are your plans for the weekend? Studying. [shocked look] Drinking! Drinking!

babies drinking imagery studying the rock

Santa’s Stressful Christmas

Santa’s Stressful Christmas

risqué

Beware The Grapes Of Wrath

Beware the Grapes of Wrath.

fruit grapes imagery

Grammar Matters

Two Google searches: One for “how can u” and one for “how can an individual”

english grammar imagery

Funny Dog

The longer you look, the funnier it gets!

animals dogs imagery

The Winner Of The “Not My Job” Award

The Winner of the “Not My Job” Award goes to…

awards imagery jobs roads work

You Have A Nice… Business Card

A business card: “You have a nice… {day, ass, attitude}.

business cards imagery

English

Let’s face it - English is a crazy language.

english grammar

Carrot Love

When carrots get kinky…

food imagery risqué

A Physicist Sees A Young Man About To Jump Off The Empire State Building

A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building…

buildings jokes physicists puns

Modern Day Message In A Bottle

A USB stick in a bottle lying on the beach.

bottles imagery messages usb

I See What You Did There

I see what you did there… also, over here…

animals dogs imagery

Apostrophe, Catastrophe

Apostrophe, Catastrophe.

imagery

Quite Literally…

I phone, you tube. Hi honey, I’m home. Chocolate milk shake.

chocolate geeky homes honey imagery milk phones

Fingers Move

I think you’re spending too much time on the computer. Your fingers move when you talk…

imagery

Caps Lock

A visual representation of the use of caps lock.

geeky imagery

Replace The Word “wand” With “dick” In Any Sentence In Harry Potter

Replace the word “wand” with “dick” in any sentence in Harry Potter…

harry potter imagery magic risqué wands

What Is The Smallest Calibre You Trust To Protect Yourself?

I remember one time while hiking with my girlfriend in northern Alberta and out of nowhere came this huge brown bear charging us, and was she mad!

animals bears guns imagery

Milkshake Meets Door

A woman runs into a door carrying two milkshakes.

accidents food imagery

Saved A Fish From Drowning

Here is a heart warming picture of a little girl that saved a fish from drowning.

animals fish girls imagery

You Can’t Run Through A Campground

You can’t run through a campground. You can only ran, because it’s past tents.

camping grammar imagery tents

I Run With Scissors

I run with scissors: It makes me feel dangerous.

imagery scissors

Guts Or Balls?

We’ve all heard about men having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them?

sexist

Not On My Watch

Lost my watch at a party once…

parties watches

Battery Fully Charged. Unplug Charger.

In what is perhaps one of the more stupid “features” on my Samsung Galaxy Note, when it reaches full charge, it lights up its screen and pops up and audible alert saying “Battery fully charged. Unplug charger.” As I charge my phone at night, it is effectively an extremely annoying unwanted wake-up call.

android galaxy note imagery phones samsung technology

Black Jack Black

Black Jack Black eating Cracker Jack playing a black jack while playing BlackJack with Jack Black who is threatening Black Jack Black with a Black Jack.

blackjack cards games imagery

Get In The Banana

No time to explain. Get in the banana!

bananas cars food imagery

Zombie Evolution

The evolution of Zombies

evolution imagery zombies

How Many Does It Take...

How many forum posters does it take to change a light bulb?

geeky

This Morning, I Was Beaten Up By A Busy Woman In An Elevator

This morning, I was beaten up by a busy woman in an elevator. I was staring at her boobs when she said, “would you please press one?”. So I did. I don’t remember much after that.

boobs elevators imagery risqué

Piranhas On An Escalator

If I were you, I’d take the stairs…

imagery movie posters piranhas

Vote Odin

The left wing said they’d abolish poverty; right wing said they’d abolish bureaucracy. Odin said he’d abolish ice giants. Where are the ice giants? Vote Odin!

imagery odin political

Patriotic Retirement Plan

Ms Gillard’s Patriotic Retirement Plan.

australia gillard political

Stop! Hammer Time

Stop! Hammer Time!

hammer imagery

Acrobat Reader

An acrobat reader…

acrobats books imagery

Ultimate Camouflage

An office beer fridge…

beer geeky imagery work

Proposing With An Onion

Proposing with an onion: Guaranteed to cry.

imagery marriage onions people proposing

Dear Justin Bieber Haters

I owe my life to Justin Bieber…

artists justin bieber musicians

If A Man Says He Will Fix It, He Will

If a man says he will fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months.

coolers imagery sexist

This Guy’s An Idiot! Quick, Take A Picture!

This guy’s an idiot! Quick, take a picture!

animals cows horses imagery

Women: Yes, No, Maybe…

I think I have that women-talk all figured out…

imagery sexist

We Forgot Our Shovels

A road crew foreman calls into the shop. Foreman: “We have a problem.”

roadwork shovels workers

Above The Law Like A Boss

Above the law like a boss: removing a wheel clamp.

cars imagery

Out Of Breath

Dispatcher: Emergency Services, how may I help you?

May The 4th Be With You

If today is “May the 4th be with you” does that mean tomorrow is “revenge of the 5th?”

dates imagery

Better Than A Flu Shot

Better than a Flu Shot

medical risqué

Every 60 Seconds In Africa

Every 60 seconds in Africa… a minute passes.

africa imagery racist

Sense

…this picture makes none.

imagery

What Are We? Browsers!

What are we? Browsers! What do we want? More speed! And when do we want it? Right now!

browsers chrome firefox geeky imagery internet internet explorer

Neville

Neville would have done it in four books.

imagery movies

Cybersex How-Not-To

Cybersex how it should not be…

internet risqué

Mario: Happy

Quit your day job and do what makes you happy.

computer games geeky imagery work

Men Vs. Women

Men versus women…

sexist

Proof That Not Knowing Everything Is The Best Way To Go

Proof that not knowing everything is the best way to go.

imagery

Suicidal Bananas

A collection of suicidal bananas.

bananas food imagery suicide

A Ship Shipping Ship Shipping Shipping Ships.

A ship shipping ship shipping shipping ships.

imagery ships

Breakfast Alive

What happens if you wait too long before eating your breakfast?

food imagery

I’m Awkward When People Compliment Me…

I’m awkward when people compliment me… “Nice hair” Me: “Thanks, I grew it myself”

english words

The Modern Day Romantic

Goodnight my beautiful girl I’m so lucky to have you in my life. I love you so much <3

imagery iphone phones romance sms

Real Life Facebook

I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles…

facebook imagery newspapers

It’s Just One Of Those Days

A baby elephant falls in the mud.

animals elephants imagery

Have You Seen This Bird?

I met this bird by the tree near the library. We chilled for like, 5 minutes, & then without any warning he just flew away. We really hit it off. So if you see him, please let him know I miss him.

animals birds imagery missing posters paper pigeons posters

Diary Of An AOL Luser

Diary of an AOL Luser.

geeky internet

Q209354 - HOWTO

How to RTFM…

geeky

The Horror Of Blimps

Some blimps are better off dead…

toys

Nothing Is Written In Stone

Nothing is Written in Stone…

imagery stone

Spider Farm

This seems like a disaster waiting to happen…

animals imagery nuclear power spiders

Winter Knitting

What are you going to knit this winter?

imagery knitting

Peanut Delivery

Peanut Delivery…

food imagery

Lesson Of The Day

You should never do anything wrong, it will catch up with you…

animals animated imagery

The Correct Way To Spell Potato

The correct way to spell potato is “GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU”.

english vegetables

Your Computer Is Broadcasting Your IP...

Your computer is broadcasting your IP over the Internet…

geeky imagery internet

American State Mottos

American State Mottos…

america racist

Common Belief

The belief that there was nothing…

religious

Sisters Of St Francis

Sisters of St. Francis House of Prostitution…

religious risqué

Imaginary Friend

Aww, how cute. He has an imaginary friend!

imagery math

Sledgehammer Psychology

A business man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner…

homeless sexist

Hamster Flying

How to make your hamster fly…

animals animated hamsters imagery

Slide To Unlock

A woman wearing a shirt: Slide to Unlock.

apple boobs fashion imagery ios risqué shirts

Black Bears

Uh oh Howard. Looks like this area has black bears…

animals imagery racist

Meetings

The practical alternative to work.

imagery work

Windows Frozen

Wife texts husband on a cold winter’s morning, “Windows frozen.”

computers sms windows

Piracy Is Not Theft

Imagine your car gets stolen, but it’s still there in the morning.

imagery piracy

Can Your Mac Do This?

Can your Mac do this? I don’t think so…

computers geeky imagery internet explorer mac windows

Toilet Paper

A piece of toilet paper saving another piece…

imagery toilet paper

Canadian News

Canadian News: Quebec snowmobiler dies after driving under a moose.

accidents animals canada imagery moose news tv

How To Change Your Oil

How to Change your Oil: A guide for men & women…

cars sexist

Monica

Monica walks into her dry cleaning store…

risqué

Facebook Illusion

Facebook: Providing the illusion you have friends since 2004!

facebook imagery

Too High

Quick! Grab my hand! I… I can’t! You’re too high! What?

drugs imagery

Fingering A Minor

Fingering A Minor for hours on my bed.

imagery risqué

Super Boner

Super-boner: A super problem.

imagery risqué superman

Emoji

Alien blood transfusions are illegal for ghosts, but beach chickens win!

emoji imagery phones sms

I Have CDO. It’s Like OCD But All The Letters Are In Alphabetical Order.

I have CDO. It’s like OCD but all the letters are in alphabetical order. As they should be.

imagery ocd shirts

The Accidental Conversation Loop

My greatest social fear: The Accidental Conversation Loop.

comics english imagery

Kiwi Air Disaster

New Zealand’s worst air disaster occurred earlier today…

new zealand racist

I. Like. It. How. When. You. Read. This. The. Little. Voice. In. Your. Head. Takes. Pauses.

I. Like. It. How. When. You. Read. This. The. Little. Voice. In. Your. Head. Takes. Pauses.

grammar

Idiots

Idiots everywhere…

Adopted Baby

Dude, I’m joking, you are not adopted!

adoption babies imagery

How To Get A Day Off Work

How to get time off in the public service…

work

Fridge Magnets

Well, tell me, Randy. Has someone eaten all the refrigerator magnets again?

animals dogs imagery

A Beer Before It Starts

A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, “Quick, bring me a beer before it starts”…

beer sexist

…and So It Was.

It’s a Bird! It’s a Plane!

imagery

The Boss’s Quandary

The Boss’s Quandary…

risqué work

Hazardous Materials Data Sheet – Woman

Hazardous Materials Data Sheet – Woman.

geeky imagery sexist women

Emergency: Out Of Order

Please do not have an emergency!

emergency imagery out of order

Do One Brave Thing Today

Do one brave thing today… then run like hell!

animals bears imagery penguins

You Hang Around, I’ll Go On Ahead

You hang around, I’ll go on ahead.

clothes hats imagery ties

Grammar Vandal

When English teachers snap: Sorry Ma’am, but bad grammar is no excuse for vandalism.

english grammar imagery school teachers

They See Us Rollin’

They See Us Rollin’… We Aren’t…

illusion imagery

Thumb War

One, two three, four. I declare a thumb war…

imagery risqué

Men’s Rules

We always hear the rules from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side…

sexist

IKEA Product Recall

IKEA product recall advert on April Fools Day

advertising april fools ikea imagery product recalls tools

Spider’s Remember

Remember when you threw a shoe at me and I fell somewhere behind the bed? I remember too.

imagery spiders

Cat Facts

Thanks for signing up for Cat Facts!

animals cats imagery sms

Bipolar Awesome

I hate being bi-polar. It’s awesome.

bipolar graffiti imagery signs

Don’t Fall For This

The CIA is trying to steal my…

imagery risqué

Do Not Trust Atoms

Do not trust atoms. They make up everything.

atoms imagery signs

Mettalicat

Mettalicat: Sleeps with one eye open, gripping his pillow tight.

animals cats imagery metallica

Book Club

My book club only reads wine labels.

alcohol books imagery wine

Bicycles Chained To These Railings Will Be Removed Without Notice.

Bicycles chained to these railings will be removed without notice. This is a notice, you idiot!

bikes imagery notices

Comforting A Grammar Nazi

When comforting a grammar nazi, I always say softly, “there, their, they’re”

english grammar imagery

I Have Sex Daily

I have sex daily! I mean dyslexia! Fcuk.

dyslexia imagery sex shirts tshirts

Look At This Boob

Look at this boob. This is a nice boob.

animals boobs imagery sloths

Before And After...

Before and after marriage…

imagery sexist

The Perfect Password

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, the computer advised him that he would now need to enter a password…

risqué sexist

Blonde Betting

A very attractive blonde woman arrived at a Vegas casino…

blonde sexist

McDonald’s Reaches Africa

McDonald’s reaches Africa.

imagery

Things To Eat And Drink In Public

Things to eat and drink in public.

drink food imagery

Xbox One Vs. An Ordinary Brick

Xbox One vs. An Ordinary Brick: Price, DRM Free, Requires Internet, Region Locked…

computer games imagery microsoft xbox

You Matter

You are living, you occupy space, you have a mass… you matter.

einstein imagery

Booby Trap

Nooo! It’s a booby trap!

animals boobs bras cats imagery

Video Games Don’t Make Us Violent – Lag Does!

Video games don’t make us violent – lag does!

computer games imagery

The Second Amendment: The Right To Bear Arms

The second amendment gives Americans the right to bear arms. I think many have taken this out of context.

america bear arms constitution democracy imagery second amendment

Mr. Tea

Mr. Tea the teapot.

imagery tea

How To Fix Any Computer

A comprehensive guide to fixing any computer.

apple computers geeky linux mac windows

If You’re Not Doing Anything Wrong, You Shouldn’t Have Anything To Hide

The government says “If you’re not doing anything wrong, you shouldn’t have anything to hide.” If that is true, shouldn’t the government declassify everything?

dinosaurs imagery political spying

University Website

Things on the front page of a university website.

imagery university

Boiled Lobster

“I hate the way they scream when you boil them!”

animals food imagery

Husband Glasses

I’m returning these glasses I bought for my husband. He’s still not seeing things my way.

imagery sexist

Drop The Bass

Can’t go fishing, ‘cause I always drop the bass…

animals djs fishing imagery music

What Do You Call A Gun Enthusiast?

You may have heard on the news about a Southern California man who was put under 72-hour psychiatric observation when it was found he owned 100 guns and allegedly had 100,000 rounds of ammunition stored in his home…

america guns racist

Cook – That’s What Wives Are For!

The Chef does everything but cook – that’s what wives are for!

advertising cooking imagery sexist vintage

Zombies!

Zombies! Oh, wait… false alarm, it’s just the Rolling Stones… carry on!

imagery musicians rolling stones zombies

Logan Daycare

Logan Daycare: Just for the whole day

babies children daycare imagery logan racist

Why Do Java Developers Wear Glasses?

Why do Java developers wear glasses? Because they don’t C#!

c sharp developers geeky imagery java programmers

How The Hell Is The Ball Still In Your Hand?

How the hell is the ball still in your hand?

animals dogs imagery

A Lemur Who Has Discovered The Wondrousness Of Cupcakes For The Fist Time.

A lemur who has discovered the wondrousness of cupcakes for the fist time.

animals cupcakes food imagery lemurs

Unused Diploma.

I’d like to return this. It’s unused. This is your diploma. Cash is fine.

comics education imagery

The Angry/Calm Illusion

The Angry/Calm Illusion.

illusion imagery

Play Outside

It’s a beautiful day. I really want you to go outside and play.

computer games computers imagery

It’s A Whale

How do you have any friends…

animals imagery iphone phones

Adult Dog Store

A dog carries an inflatable leg from an Adult Dog Store.

imagery risqué

Random Number

A simple function to return a random number.

computers geeky

These Blast Points… Too Accurate For Sand People

Obi-Wan Kenobi in front of burning World Trade Centre towers: “These blast points… too accurate for sand people”.

imagery movies obi-wan kenobi star wars terrorism world trade centre

Unix Commands

Amusing UNIX commands.

computers geeky

Australian Monopoly

Australian Monopoly: St Marys to Penrith Special Edition.

australia games imagery monopoly

If Beer Was Like Operating Systems...

If Beer was like Operating Systems…

beer computers geeky

Re-Think Vaccines

Next time someone tells you to re-think vaccines, show them this.

aeroplanes buses cars electricity firefighters imagery vaccines

Three Little Piggies

Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night…

animals joke pigs

If Dr Seuss Was A Technical Writer

If Dr Seuss Was A Technical Writer.

geeky

You You Read The First Line Wrong?

What if I told you you read the first line wrong?

english imagery

I Said Be Quiet! Don’t Make Me Come In There!

I said be quiet! Don’t make me come in there!

animals imagery kangaroos

Star Trek TNG Meets Microsoft

Star Trek TNG Meets Microsoft…

computers geeky it

The Last Known Picture Taken Of Grandpa

A woman inadvertently points a gun towards a man.

guns imagery

Times Were Tough Before The GoPro

Times were tough before the GoPro…

cars imagery racing

Boat Funeral

A funeral procession pulled into a cemetery. Several carloads of family members followed a black truck towing a boat with a coffin in it…

boats burials cemetries funerals imagery sexist

Two Person Optical Illusion

Optical illusion: Keep your eyes on the cross, and see what happens.

animated illusion imagery

Low Battery Warning

Plug in or find another power source. Or panic now!

imagery

Alcohol Is A Solution

Not to get technical but according to chemistry alcohol is a solution.

alcohol chemistry

Missed Target

Missed Target: So close…

accidents cars imagery target

The Lone Ranger

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an Indian war party…

animals risqué

Wong Fook Hing Book Store

If you cannot find the book that you are looking for, then you’re obviously in the… Wong Fook Hing Book Store!

books imagery racist shops

Dear Abby, I’ve Never Written To You Before…

Dear Abby, I’ve never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision…

agony aunt cheating dear abby imagery motorbikes relationships sexist

Appealing Attire

I find this attire… appeeling.

bananas fruit imagery

You’ll Never Be As Happy As This Turtle

You’ll never be as happy as this turtle.

animals imagery turtles

Road Rage

Two cars were waiting at a stoplight. The light turned green, but the man didn’t notice it…

cars religious

Kneel, Says The Demon Light

Stop says the red light, go says the green. Wait says the yellow light, twinkling in between. Kneel, says the demon light, with its eye of coal. Sauron knows your licence plate, and stares into your soul.

imagery lord of the rings sauron traffic lights

If You Like It Then You Shoulda Put A Pin On It

If you like it then you shoulda put a pin on it!

imagery pinterest

Text Of A Letter From A Kid From Eromanga To Mum And Dad.

Text of a letter from a kid from Eromanga to Mum and Dad.

australia

2 Mayan Guys

[2 Mayan Guys] Wanna beer? I’m working on this calendar, but I guess if I don’t finish it won’t be the end of the world.

beer calendars imagery mayans predictions

The Monday Punch

The Monday Punch: A man punched in the face.

imagery monday punch work

The Deadly Facts About Water

The Deadly Facts about Water

imagery water

How To Make Money From Facebook

How to make money from facebook: 1) just go to “Account Settings”; 2) Press “Deactivate your account”; 3) Go to work.

facebook imagery money

Honest Politician

Hi! I’m 32. I’m a politician and I’m honest. Hi. I’m 29, I’m a prostitute and I’m a virgin.

imagery political politicians prostitutes risqué

My Pet Rock Ran Away

My Pet Rock Ran Away…

imagery rocks

An Angry Child

If she doesn’t put me down in about two seconds, I will be forced to use my fist!

children imagery parenting

Google

Try Google. Available in six of the world’s most common languages…

geeky internet

Cars And Computers

General Motors doesn’t have a help line for people who don’t know how to drive because people don’t buy cars like they buy computers, but imagine if they did…

cars geeky technology

Mating Bulls

A man took his wife to the Rodeo and one of the exhibits is that of breeding bulls…

risqué sexist

Hebrew Cave Paintings

Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols…

imagery risqué

Best Way To Freak Out Your Friends

Best way to freak out your friends: Do not open unless you plan to kill it (written on an upside down container)

imagery

Skype

Vintage Skype advert.

advertising imagery skype vintage

Mickey Mouse

One day, Mickey Mouse decided that he wanted a divorce…

risqué

Campbell Newman: Public Service: You Can Trust Me

[Campbell Newman laughing] …and then I said to the public service… you can trust me…

campbell newman imagery political queensland

How To Know When You’ve Met A Democrat

Just in case you have trouble knowing when you’ve met a Democrat…

america democracy political

Dealing With Hunger Pangs

A woman asks her partner at breakfast time, “Would you like some bacon and eggs a slice of toast and, maybe, some grapefruit juice and coffee?”

risqué sexist viagra

Canadian Archaeology

Canadian Archaeology: Digging a car out from under the snow

archaeology canada cars imagery snow

Held Hands Around The Equator

If the human population held hands around the equator, a significant portion of them would drown.

earth imagery

Misleading The Public

$100 for speeding and $250 for misleading the public…

cars imagery police

You Look Fine

Instead of a mirror, a sign “you look fine”.

bathrooms imagery signs

Someone Out There Cares

I want you to know that someone out there cares. Not me, but someone does.

imagery motivational

How Could You Be So Insensitive?

How Could You Be So Insensitive? This is what it looks like from the other person’s perspective.

imagery sexist

Roast Turkey With A Doll Head

I was watching TV when I head my Dad in the kitchen laughing to himself. When I got up to see what he was doing, I walked in on this…

food imagery turkey

Using AOL? Mind If We LOL?

Using AOL? Mind if we LOL?

geeky internet

Morning Coffee

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning…

coffee religious sexist

All Your Base...

All your base are belong to us.

all your base geeky imagery internet

North Korea: I Will Destroy America

North Korea: I will destroy America! Obama: Too late!

america imagery north korea obama racist

Michael Jackson's Dog

A rather mean impression of what Michael Jackson’s dog might look like, if it had similar surgery.

imagery

Israeli Settlers

Of course we want peace–this piece and this piece and this piece and this piece…

imagery israeli palestinian political racist

Mini Cooper

A guy driving a Mini Cooper pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce…

cars

Angry Birds

Angry Birds attend Anger Management.

animals computer games games imagery phones

Aussie Men

Aussie men… struggling with the booze…

australia sexist

I Used To Smile… Until I Worked Retail.

I used to smile… until I worked retail.

animals cats imagery work

Ten Pieces Of Bacon

If I had 10 pieces of bacon, and you took 4, what would you have? Yes, that’s right you’d have a black eye and a bruised hand.

bacon imagery

100 Guidelines On Becoming An Evil Villain

World domination is everyone’s dream. It’s not a bad job really…

Suffering From Capitalism

Feeling sad and depressed? Are you anxious? Worried about the future? Feeling isolated and alone? You might be suffering from Capitalism.

capitalism imagery political

Chance Of Keeping Your Job If You’re Wrong More Than 75% Of The Time

Chance of keeping your job if you’re wrong more than 75% of the time.

imagery jobs pie charts statistics work

Anyways, Best Of Luck Finding Your Fish

Long story short, we’re in love. I know it seems sudden but life is sudden like that, you know? Anyways, best of luck finding your fish.

animals fish imagery love romance sms

How To Sneak Chocolate Into An American Movie Theatre.

How to sneak chocolate into an American movie theatre.

america guns imagery

Rejection Response

The next time you get a rejection letter from a hoped-for employer or publisher, just send them the following…

work

The World’s Shortest Books

The World’s Shortest Books

26 Everyday Occurrences In Australia

When you live on a barely hospitable desert island that was once a continent-sized penal colony, your life tends to be a little more badass than the average person’s.

animals australia crocodiles emus imagery kangaroos koalas kookaburras police sharks spiders woolworths

IPhone 10 – The Tallest IPhone Yet

A mock-up of the iPhone 10, after the launch of the “taller” iPhone5.

advertising apple imagery iphone phones technology

Wurst Nightmare

Hi. I’m your wurst nightmare.

food imagery

Largest Goon Bust In Logan’s History

Logan police in conjunction with the A.F.P. hauled in the largest goon bust in Logan’s history. With an estimated street value of $39.

alcohol goon imagery logan police racist

Support Bras

Supportive support bras…

bras imagery underwear

Kim, Eat A Snickers

Kim Jong-un: I’m going to nuke everyone. Kim, eat a Snickers. Kim: Why? Because you turn into a war mongler when you’re hungry. Better? Kim: Better.

imagery kim jong-un north korea snickers

Browser Wars

Browser Wars: Chrome versus Firefox… and Internet Explorer…

browsers chrome firefox geeky imagery internet internet explorer

American History 101

American History 101

racist

Canadian Riots

Canadian Riots: Sorry to bother you, but perhaps you should take a break as our mayor?

canada imagery protests riots

Children Painting

Two children, half a room and a TV covered in white paint.

children imagery paint

Driver Is Fully Naked

Driver carries less than $50 cash and is fully naked.

cars imagery trucks

Beer Troubleshooting Chart

Beer Troubleshooting Chart.

beer charts

The Book Of Irish Dance: Volume Two

Whilst doing a long overdue clearout at the offices of Ireland’s oldest and most respected school of dance, Mrs O’Hara made a terrible discovery…

comics dancing imagery ireland irish irish dance

The 710 Cap

Hun I have a problem in my car…

cars imagery messages

Car Alarms

Car alarms: They piss me off!

cars imagery

Alzheimer’s

“I may have alzheimer’s, but at least I don’t have alzheimer’s”

imagery

Cat: The Dog Went Missing

Cat: The dog went missing? Hahaha! Hahaha! I’m sorry human. Hahaha… no seriously, I’m so sad…

animals cats dogs imagery

You Have Two Cows

The eponymous cows is used to demonstrate the advantages and flaws of certain economic systems.

america animals australia britain cows india irish political

How To Tell Alligators And Crocodiles Apart

It’s not that difficult to tell alligators and crocodiles apart…

alligators animals crocodiles imagery

The Park Anywhere Button

Self-explanatory really.

cars imagery

What A Cruel Male-dominated Culture

It’s a male dominated culture, no matter how you look at it…

bikinis burqa imagery muslim racist sexist

Sideways Car

It’s a little confusing…

cars imagery

Declaration Of A Software Professional

Declaration of a Software Professional.

geeky it

It Looks Like You Are Wasting Office Supplies. Would You Like Some Help?

Clippit: It looks like you are wasting office supplies. Would you like some help?

clippit imagery microsoft office paperclips work

An Irish Daughter Had Not Been To Her Parent's House For Over Five Years...

An Irish daughter had not been to her parent’s house for over five years…

irish racist religious

Kangaroo Kicks Boy

A kangaroo kicks an unsuspecting boy into a dam while an emu strolls past.

animals animated australia emus imagery kangaroos

Explain These Bad Grades

1969: A child’s parents blame him for his bad grades. Today: A child’s parents blame his teacher for his bad grades.

education imagery school teachers

Cooking With Wine

I tried cooking supper with wine tonight. Didn’t go so well. After 5 glasses I forgot why I was even in the kitchen.

alcohol cooking imagery wine

Meth: Before & After

Meth: Before & After (or R2-D2 versus R2-FU).

drugs imagery meth r2-d2 robots star wars

Marry Me

Scrabble Edition.

board games imagery

Draw Fake Eyebrows On Your Baby

Draw fake eyebrows on your baby. Then sit back and enjoy the humour.

babies imagery

Honesty: Your Greatest Weakness

Interviewer: What would you consider to be your greatest weakness?

imagery jobs work

Holiday House

The Holiday House

imagery

Mayan Joke Set-Up

Heh… I’ve just thought of a joke with the longest set-up ever! Cool! I’ll fetch a scribe…

imagery joke mayans predictions

Don’t You Suggest To Me What To Do

If you don’t have GIO Third Party Property Insurance, we suggest you don’t hit this bus.

accidents buses cars imagery insurance

Irish Car

An advertisement in an Irish Newspaper…

cars imagery irish racist

The History Of The World

The History of the World, as written by the next generation…

school

Checking On A Slow Progress Bar

Checking on a slow progress bar.

computers imagery

Minecraft: Create A Simple Door

Describe a process that could be used to create a simple door.

computer games education games imagery internet minecraft school tests

A Young Brunette Goes To The Doctor...

A young brunette goes to the doctor…

blonde sexist

Basic Human Needs

Basic human needs… like Wi-Fi.

imagery wifi

Wireless Networks

Wireless networks could save your life!

imagery wifi

Hot Air Balloons

Hot Air Balloons - Boring 99% of the time.

balloons hot air balloons imagery

Windows: File Missing

Windows cannot find the file. Would you like some wine instead?

alcohol computers geeky imagery microsoft windows

How To Pick Up Chicks

Instructional guide on how to pick up chicks.

animals chickens chicks imagery

Your There

They’re they are.

english grammar

I Usually Get 9/11

I don’t always get rated on my terrorism attacks, but when I do, I usually get 9/11.

al qaeda bin laden imagery political terrorism

A True Australian Ghost Story

This story happened a short while ago near Brisbane, and even though it sounds a little Alfred Hitchcock… it’s (supposedly) true.

australia cars ghosts pub storm supernatural

Why Women Live Longer Than Men

Genetics - Why women live longer than men.

imagery

Feminine Instincts

If a girl ever pulls out a knife on you during an argument, pull out some bread and mayo. Her feminine instincts will kick in and she’ll make you a sandwich.

imagery sexist women

Shuffle Your Feet For Stingrays

Shuffle your feet for Stingrays: One of the many dangers in Australian waters.

animals beaches imagery signs stingrays warnings

Simba & Woodridge

But what about that shadowy place?

brisbane imagery logan racist woodridge

Square Bike

Surprisingly good riding down stairs… not so good on the flat.

bikes imagery

Better Memory

What do we want? Better memory! When do we want it? Want what?

imagery memory protests rallies

Label Instructions

French Label Instructions

political

Microphone Eyes

Microphone Eyes.

imagery

Your Child Is Being Eaten By A Camel

Your child is being eaten by a camel. Do you… a) Save your child, or b) Take a photo?

animals camels children donkeys imagery

Be Bold

Be bold or italic. Never regular.

fonts imagery typography

Twelve Or Thirteen?

Wait until the group changes position. Is it twelve or thirteen?

illusion imagery

Six Die In Horror Smash

Six Die in Horror Smash.

beer imagery

Olden Day Slide To Unlock

Slide to unlock: Apple patent #1964022.

apple imagery ios patents

Smile

Smile…

imagery

Telstra Customer Service

An insight into the Telstra Customer Service Experience.

audio

Merry Christmas & A Happy New Year

Merry Christmas & A Happy New Year.

political

Phone Tails

That’s right dear, our ancestors had tails.

imagery phones

Panties

Policewoman: Anything you say will be taken down!

police risqué

Something Went Terribly Wrong

Something, somewhere went terribly wrong.

computers evolution imagery

Master Has Presented Dobby With Clothes! Dobby Is Free!

Well I’m grounded. WTF did you do this time? My Mum asked me to do the laundry and threw a sock at me… I ran away screaming “Master has presented Dobby with clothes! Dobby is free!”

harry potter imagery sms

Positive For Coke

You’re fired Jack, the lab results just came back and you tested positive for Coke.

imagery

Mergers

Amusing mergers.

work

Australia And Mateship

Mateship amongst Men & Women: The differences…

sexist

Boob Staring

Shirt: Please tell your boobs to quit staring at my eyes.

boobs imagery risqué

Why Was Five Afraid Of Seven?

Why was Five afraid of Seven? Because Six Seven Eight.

imagery numbers star wars

Today Is Sunday

Attention! Today is Sunday. Share this on your Facebook wall. Within seven days you’ll get another Sunday…

jokes

When I Grow Up… I Want To Be Like Mommy!

I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer…

children families imagery parenting school

Aboriginal Eggs

Two Aboriginal lads are riding along the Hume Highway on a motorbike…

aboriginal australia racist

Street Name

Hey, what’s your street name?

imagery phones sms

Women Use About 30,000 Words A Day

Did you know that women use about 30,000 words a day while men use only 15,000?

imagery sexist talking

Have You Seen This Post?

Have you seen this post? He didn’t.

bikes imagery posts

How To Please Your IT Department

How to please your IT department.

geeky it

For A Good Time

For a good time, call…

cartoons imagery

Awkward Moment

The awkward when you already said “moment” in your head before you read it.

imagery

Ball-type Deodorant

Her: Is it the ball-type deodorant you want sir? Him: Oh no miss – it’s for under my arms!

imagery shops

Thank You To All My Fans

Thank you to all my fans

fans imagery

Nietzsche Is Dead

God is dead” ~Nietzsche / “Nietzsche is dead” ~God.

imagery nietzsche religious

Will Not Load Fully

This picture will not load fully!

imagery

Falling Cows

A roadsign showing a cow falling off a cliff and onto a car.

animals imagery

Paleolithic Diet

Something’s just not right—our air is clean, our water is pure, we all get plenty of exercise, everything we eat is organit and free-range, and yet nobody lives past thirty.

diets food paleolithic diet

101 Things You Do Not Want...

101 Things You Do Not Want Your System Administrator to say.

computers geeky it technology

Wife Of Pi

He’s irrational and he goes on and on…

imagery math pi

Paper, Scissors, Whale!

Scissors cut paper again! I hate this game…

animals imagery whales

Diesel

Hey, wanna know what I put in my car?

cars imagery movies

Mum, What’s It Like To Have The Greatest Daughter In The World?

Mum, what’s it like to have the greatest daughter in the world? I don’t know dear… you’ll have to ask grandma.

daughters families imagery mothers

Angela Merkel Arrives At Passport Control At Paris Airport…

Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control at Paris airport. “Nationality?” asks the immigration officer. “German,” she replies. “Occupation?” “No, just here for a few days.”

france germany imagery racist

Rhino Painting

A rhinoceros painting…

africa animals imagery

Good & Obedient Wives

And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world…

marriage religious sexist wives

Giraffe Spider

A giraffe spots a spider…

animals giraffes imagery spiders

He’s Got Wifi

Three birds sitting on a wire, a fourth sitting in mid air. He's got wifi.

birds imagery wifi

Root Canal

Amusing animated image of root canal treatment

animated imagery medical

T-Rex Making A Bed

When you’re upset just imagine a T-Rex making a bed.

animals beds dinosaurs imagery

Having More Money Doesn’t Make You Happier

Having more money doesn’t make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I’m just as happy as when I had 48 million.

money quotations schwarzenegger

Laminated Room

List of reasons why a room would have to contain a bucket and be almost entirely laminated: 1) Bad reasons.

imagery real estate

Threw Caution To The Wind

Looks like someone threw caution to the wind.

imagery signs warnings

A Cow Getting A Back Scratch

A cow getting a back scratch.

animals cows imagery

Did You Try Jumping Off The Refrigerator Too?

Did you try jumping off the refrigerator too?

animals cats imagery

Scary Campfire Stories: Book Style

And then… after they had ripped out half of her pages… they turned her… into a movie!

books imagery

Have You Seen Pulp Fiction?

Have you seen Pulp Fiction? Yeah, but I didn’t like it.

cars imagery movies pulp fiction the rock

Halloween Squirrel

A squirrel got its head stuck in a Halloween decoration and terrified a neighbourhood…

animals halloween imagery squirrels

Couldn’t Find My Coconut Shells.

Was gonna ride to work today. Couldn’t find my coconut shells.

animals horses imagery knights monty python riding tv

Died

…from not forwarding that text message to 10 people.

geeky imagery

Back-Up

Image of man backing-up with computer.

geeky imagery technology

Celibacy

Many aspects of human sexuality are very puzzling…

sexist

Do You Ever Get So Angry…

Do you ever get so angry… you throw a VCR at a burning bus?

africa bus imagery

The Pope Is Busted

After getting all of Pope John Paul’s luggage loaded into the limo…

religious

American Measures

American Measures: An Arbitrary Retarded Rollercoaster

america imagery racist

Statistics That Matter: The Pie Chart

A new take on the traditional pie… chart.

imagery

He’s Gonna Upgrade Your Tablets…

Moses, meet Steve. He’s gonna upgrade your tablets…

apple computers imagery religious steve jobs

Math Problem

John has 32 candy bars. He eats 28. What does he have now?

joke math

Roses Are #FF0000

Roses are #FF0000, Violets are #0000FF.

geeky imagery romance

Apple IPhone 20 & Samsung Galaxy S23 – Sword & Shield

A mock-up of the iPhone 20 and Samsung Galaxy S23, after the launch of the “taller” iPhone5 & the larger Galaxy S3.

advertising apple imagery iphone phones samsung samsung galaxy technology

Moving Illusion

A psychedelic illusion where a brightly coloured non-moving image appears to be pulsating in and out.

illusion imagery

Mars Vs. Venus

Mars versus Venus…

sexist

Chat Rooms

Chat Rooms – you never really know.

chat imagery internet

Jack’s Phone

Why aren’t you answering…?

imagery phones

Premature Ejaculators Anonymous

Man stating he ‘came too soon’ in front of sign stating ‘premature ejaculators anonymous’.

imagery risqué

Drafting Guys Over 60

New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 60!

imagery seniors war

Little Kid Lover

I’m signing up for an online dating service. I just need to pick a username. “Little Kid Lover”, that way people will know where my priorities are at.

children dating imagery internet risqué

Cat Duck

The Amazing Cat Duck! Or perhaps Cat Seagull?

animals cats ducks imagery seagulls

Perfect Riddle

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met…

sexist

Spellcheck Not Needed

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy…

geeky

Ultimate Chick Flick

Ultimate chick flick: Two women fighting over a pair of shoes

alice in wonderland imagery movies sexist

Keep Your Mouth Shut

If you don’t believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut!

risqué sex

“Understanding Women” Now Available In Paperback

The book “Understanding Women” is now available in paperback!

books imagery sexist

Voice

Scrooge and Donald on IRC.

geeky imagery

Sometimes I Sit On The Floor And Put My Arms Around My Knees And Lean Forward

Dad: Sometimes I sit on the floor and put my arms around my knees and lean forward. Daughter: Huh? Dad: Cuz that’s how I roll!

dads imagery jokes phones sms

Otter Nonsense

I’ve had it up to here with your otter nonsense…

animals imagery otters

Long Dogs

A man walking two long dogs meets a man walking two normal dogs…

animals dogs imagery snakes

Tell Someone You Love Them Today

Tell someone you love them today, because life is short. But shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying and confusing.

germany love

Where Have You Been All Weekend?

Where have you been all weekend? Out Raven.

birds imagery ravens

Don’t Let Kevin Bacon Die

20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have No Cash, No Hope and No Jobs. Please don’t let Kevin Bacon die.

bob hope imagery johnny cash kevin bacon steve jobs

Australian Kiss

Australian Kiss: same as a French Kiss… but down under.

australia france imagery racist risqué

Please Use Tongue.

Do not touch bread with hands. Please use tongue.

bread food imagery tongues

Jam And Butter The Muddy Plasters, The Dirty Bucket Of Pitch!

Jam and butter the muddy plasters, the dirty bucket of pitch!

joke risqué

Escape From The Kitchen

You thought you could escape from the kitchen didn’t you?

imagery sexist

Bad Dog Is Banned From The Park

I don’t know who this dog is or why he is banned from this park, but he certainly seems like a lot of fun.

alcohol animals dogs imagery skateboards smoking wine

To Punch A Dolphin In The Mouth

5 very good reasons to punch a dolphin in the mouth.

animals books dolphins imagery libraries

Men Are Like...

Men are like…

sexist

Words Women Use

Words women use, and what they really mean.

sexist women

Executive Test

The following short quiz consists of four questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a “professional”…

work

Difference Between Men And Women

The difference between men and women…

imagery sexist

Dye Job

Check out the dye job on her? Tramp!

easter eggs imagery

Bribing Santa

Dear Santa, if you leave a new bike under the tree, I will give you the antidote to the poison I put in the milk.

imagery

Superman’s Social Network Nightmare

Superman’s Social Network Nightmare.

imagery

Forgot I Was Sharing My Screen With Her

I was on an online conference call with a cute sounding girl, and googled her name out of curiosity. Forgot I was sharing my screen with her.

girls imagery work

Bird Flu

I’m not worried about this bird flu…

imagery

Engineering Flowchart

Nothing duct tape and WD-40 can’t fix…

engineering flowcharts geeky imagery

Yoga Emergency Hotline

Yoga Emergency Hotline, how may I help you?

helpline imagery phones yoga