Letter to America — Ned Martin’s Amused

Letter to America

In the light of your failure to elect a sane person as President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all States, Commonwealths and other Territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy.

Your new prime minister The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP, (for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders), will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

Tax collectors from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your cooperation.