Letter to a Mother / School Report — Ned Martin’s Amused

Letter to a Mother

A mother enters her daughter’s bedroom and sees a letter over the bed. With the worst premonition, she reads it, with trembling hands:

Dear Mum:

It is with great happiness that I’m telling you that I eloped with my new boyfriend. I found real passion and he is so nice, even with all his piercing, which you don’t like, and tattoos and his big motorcycle. But it’s not only that mum, I’m pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods. He wants to have many more children with me and that’s one of my dreams. I’ve learned that marijuana doesn’t hurt anyone and we’ll be growing it for us and his friends, who are providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasy we may want. In the meantime, we’ll pray for the science to find the AIDS cure so that Ahmed gets better, he deserves it. Don’t worry Mum, I’m 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I’ll visit so that you will get to know your grandchildren.

Your daughter,



PS: Mum, it’s not true. I’m at the neighbour’s house. I just wanted to show you that there are worst things in life than the school’s report card that’s in my desk’s drawer... I love you!