‘Ducks’ category — Ned Martin’s Amused

Ned Martin’s Amused

A collection of things that amused me: I believe you can tell a lot about a person from what amuses them, or sometimes, what doesn’t amuse them. So, when I come across something that amuses me, this is where it goes.

Find things which have amused me recently, or browse around the categories below.

Printed on 100% recycled electrons.

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Ned Martin’s Amused Categories

aboriginal accident advertising africa alcohol america animals animated apple art audio australia babies balloons bananas banks batman beaches bears beer bikes billboards birds blonde board games boats bones boobs books bras bread brisbane britain browsers bsod bugs bunnies buses business cards calendars canada cars cartoons carving cats chairs charts chickens children chocolate chrome clippit cocaine coffee comics communist computer games computers condoms cooking cows crocodiles daleks darth vader dating democracy dinosaurs disaster dogs donkeys driving drugs drunk ducks earthquake easter education eggs einstein elephants emus english evolution explosions facebook families famous people fashion feminine hygiene fire firefox fish fishing flash flowcharts fonts food football france frogs fruit games gay geeky george bush giraffes girls grammar guns halloween hands harry potter hats heaven history horses illusion imagery internet internet explorer ios ipad iphone iphone 6 irish it jewish jobs joke jokes kangaroos kevin rudd kitchens kittens koalas kristen stewart languages laptops libraries linux lions logan lord of the rings love mac marijuana marriage math mayans medical men meth microsoft milk mobiles money monopoly mothers motorbikes movies movie stars music musicians muslim new zealand ninjas nokia north korea nsw obama ocd opera otters parenting parking parrots penguins phones photography pie charts pigs pirates pizza police political posters predictions pregnancy protests puns quotations rabbits racist rallies redheads redneck relationships religious rice risqué roads robots rocks romance safari samsung school science seals sex sexist sharks ships shirts shoes shops signs sms snakes snow spiders sport sports spying sql star wars steve jobs stickers superman tattoos teachers technology terrorism the rock toilets tongues tools toys trucks turtles tv underwear university vegetables vintage war whales wifi wikileaks windows wine witches women woolworths words work zebras zombies

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An Ontarian Wanted To Become A Newfie…

An Ontarian wanted to become a Newfie…

canada racist

These Blast Points… Too Accurate For Sand People

Obi-Wan Kenobi in front of burning World Trade Centre towers: “These blast points… too accurate for sand people”.

imagery movies obi-wan kenobi star wars terrorism world trade centre

Dear Justin Bieber Haters

I owe my life to Justin Bieber…

artists justin bieber musicians

The Hey Whale

The Hey Whale. It defies description.

animals imagery whales

Speed Reader

Wow you read that fast! You must be a speed reader!

computers geeky imagery

Apple IOS6 Maps

For the benefit of passengers using Apple iOS6, local area maps are available from the booking office.

apple imagery ios ios6 transport

Thank You To All My Fans

Thank you to all my fans

fans imagery

Not Allowed

When a dog is all out of luck.

animals imagery

Kermit Sees The Doctor

Have a seat Kermit. What I’m about to tell you might come as a big shock…

imagery

Cars And Computers

General Motors doesn’t have a help line for people who don’t know how to drive because people don’t buy cars like they buy computers, but imagine if they did…

cars geeky technology

Escape From The Kitchen

You thought you could escape from the kitchen didn’t you?

imagery sexist

The Circle Of Life

The Circle of Life: Who is afraid of who?

animals cats cockroaches dogs imagery men women

You Have A Nice… Business Card

A business card: “You have a nice… {day, ass, attitude}.

business cards imagery

News Headlines

Amusing news headlines

Aussie Men

Aussie men… struggling with the booze…

australia sexist

Man & Elephant

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Louisiana State University…

animals elephants imagery kenya zoos

Emergency Bridge Repair Team

Duct Tape: Good for anything.

duct tape imagery work

Are Those Yours?

…they’re turning out so big and cute!

boobs imagery risqué sexist

The Australian Constitution: For Iraq

They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq…

australia iraq political

Anarchy In The UK

Would you like some tea?

england imagery uk

Acrobat Reader

An acrobat reader…

acrobats books imagery

American History 101

American History 101

racist

If Chinese People Tattooed Lame English Words On Themselves…

If Chinese people tattooed lame English words on themselves…

chinese imagery racist tattoos women

Do You Ever Get So Angry…

Do you ever get so angry… you throw a VCR at a burning bus?

africa bus imagery

Breathe Right

Darth Vader going for some Breathe Right.

darth vader imagery

Operating System Airlines

Operating System Airlines.

computers geeky

Keep Off The Grass

A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothes, entered…

medical risqué

Keith Urban Accepted As Genuine Humanoid

Clint Felmingham: Did you know? Keith Urban is accepted by many Americans as a genuine humanoid/musician. Urban, a polymer composite (90% polyethene, 8% alcohol, 2% minor celebrity), was manufactured in Caboolture, Australia in 1987..

imagery keith urban musicians

Chance Of Keeping Your Job If You’re Wrong More Than 75% Of The Time

Chance of keeping your job if you’re wrong more than 75% of the time.

imagery jobs pie charts statistics work

Already Exists

skdjaskdhsajdahsdjashds.jpg already exists. Do you want to replace it? You've got to be kidding me.

computers imagery

Attention Deficit Disorder

Ask me about my attention deficit disorder or pie or my cat. A dog. I have a bike. Do you like TV? I saw a rock. Hi.

imagery shirts tshirts

I Wonder What I Would Look Like With A Six Pack?

I wonder what I would look like with a six pack? Ahh, much better!

alcohol beer fitness imagery

Horny Pirate’s Worst Nightmare

What’s a horny pirate’s worst nightmare?

imagery movies pirates

How Babies Are Made

How babies are made (with an air pump).

babies imagery pregnancy

Woof

How do you get a cat to bark like a dog?

animals cats dogs joke

Bush And The Queen

While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen…

political

Funny Dog

The longer you look, the funnier it gets!

animals dogs imagery

An Irish Daughter Had Not Been To Her Parent's House For Over Five Years...

An Irish daughter had not been to her parent’s house for over five years…

irish racist religious

Things Don’t Really Change

Interviewer: What would you consider to be your greatest weakness?

imagery jobs work

Anyways, Best Of Luck Finding Your Fish

Long story short, we’re in love. I know it seems sudden but life is sudden like that, you know? Anyways, best of luck finding your fish.

animals fish imagery love romance sms

Broken Penis

I broke my penis and it exploded all over my pants.

autocorrect imagery iphone sms

This Summarises My Love Life

This summarises my love life. I’m the guy in blue…

imagery love

When I Grow Up… I Want To Be Like Mommy!

I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer…

children families imagery parenting school

An IT Student Is Walking Along With His Bike…

An IT student is walking along with his bike…

bikes geeky it sexist

Stop Surfing The Internet And Just Go To Bed

Holy crap! Look how late it is! Why do I always do this? Why is it so hard to stop surfing the internet and just go to bed?

animals imagery internet rabbits

I Wish These Were Brains

Sexist, but contains breasts…

boobs imagery sexist women

Talking Clock

Why, that’s my Talking Clock…

Star Trek TNG Meets Microsoft

Star Trek TNG Meets Microsoft…

computers geeky it

Communist Traitor

It looks like you’re a Communist traitor…

communist geeky imagery microsoft software

Xbox One Vs. An Ordinary Brick

Xbox One vs. An Ordinary Brick: Price, DRM Free, Requires Internet, Region Locked…

computer games imagery microsoft xbox

Water Enhanced Breasts

Water Enhanced Breasts…

boobs imagery risqué

The Modern Day Romantic

Goodnight my beautiful girl I’m so lucky to have you in my life. I love you so much <3

imagery iphone phones romance sms

Adopted Baby

Dude, I’m joking, you are not adopted!

adoption babies imagery

University Website

Things on the front page of a university website.

imagery university

Horton Hears The Who

Horton Hears the Who

comics imagery

Angry Birds

Angry Birds attend Anger Management.

animals computer games games imagery phones

What Women Want

Who are we? Women! What do we want? We don’t know! When do we want it? NOW!

imagery rallies sexist women

Welcome To The USA

The Government where the money’s made up and the debt doesn’t matter.

america democracy imagery tv

Microsoft Lightbulb Jokes

Microsoft Lightbulb Jokes.

computers geeky

Woman With A Cold

The difference between men & women when they are sick.

illness imagery sexist

Rap Loses To Rock

Rap is like scissors, it always loses to rock.

imagery music rap rock signs

Ladies Beach Volleyball

Just been watching Ladies Beach Volleyball, and there’s already been a wrist injury… but I should be OK by Friday.

facebook imagery sexist sports volleyball

Did You Try Jumping Off The Refrigerator Too?

Did you try jumping off the refrigerator too?

animals cats imagery

Look At This Boob

Look at this boob. This is a nice boob.

animals boobs imagery sloths

Olden Day Slide To Unlock

Slide to unlock: Apple patent #1964022.

apple imagery ios patents

How To Make Money From Facebook

How to make money from facebook: 1) just go to “Account Settings”; 2) Press “Deactivate your account”; 3) Go to work.

facebook imagery money

Keep Your Mouth Shut

If you don’t believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut!

risqué sex

Unicorn, Unitard, Unicycle

Unicorn in a unitard on a unicycle.

imagery unicorns unicycles unitards

Lost Phone

A man sends SMS from a lost phone…

imagery phones sms sms

Always Love A Woman For Her Personality

Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose.

imagery sexist

Drunk Cows

Drunk Cows: Bruce you are drunk.

animals cars cows drunk imagery

Adobe Updates

I don’t always have an update…

adobe geeky imagery updates

To Wake Up Gay In The Morning…

To wake up gay in the morning just try this at Bedtime Tonight!

advertising gay imagery ovaltine vintage

My Dog Bailey Tried To Steal Stuff Out Of My Daughter’s Purse.

My dog Bailey tried to steal stuff out of my daughter’s purse. He got stuck and came over to me for help.

dogs imagery

Dangers Of Masturbation

The Dangers of Masturbation.

imagery risqué

Grammar Matters

Two Google searches: One for “how can u” and one for “how can an individual”

english grammar imagery

Campbell Newman: Public Service: You Can Trust Me

[Campbell Newman laughing] …and then I said to the public service… you can trust me…

campbell newman imagery political queensland

Crocodile Lion

An interesting dinnertime story…

animals crocodiles imagery

Alzheimer’s

“I may have alzheimer’s, but at least I don’t have alzheimer’s”

imagery

We Forgot Our Shovels

A road crew foreman calls into the shop. Foreman: “We have a problem.”

roadwork shovels workers

Star Wars

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…

geeky imagery movies star wars

Math Instruction

At Heathrow Airport today…

political school

In Wine There Is Truth

In Wine there is Truth. In Beer there is Strength. In Water there is Bacteria.

alcohol beer imagery wine

Super Batman

The Super Batman back pack, exclusive from China!

imagery

Meetings

The practical alternative to work.

imagery work

Seize The Day

Seize The Day: Sign up for the Epilepsy Awareness Walk.

epilepsy imagery posters

Complimentary Pretzels

A guy walks into a bar and takes a seat. Before he can order a beer, the bowl of pretzels in front of him says “Hey, you’re a handsome fellow.”

jokes

In Case Of Zombies

In case of zombies… or yard work…

imagery tools work zombies

Merry Christmas & A Happy New Year

Merry Christmas & A Happy New Year.

political

Hands In The Air!

Hands in the air! Now wave them around like you just don’t care!

comics guns hands imagery

BlondeStar

What to do when you’re locked inside your car, and the keys are outside…

blonde cars sexist

Unix Commands

Amusing UNIX commands.

computers geeky

Thanks God

God and the Rubiks Cube…

australia games imagery religious

Skype

Vintage Skype advert.

advertising imagery skype vintage

Someone Out There Cares

I want you to know that someone out there cares. Not me, but someone does.

imagery motivational

Happier With A Hoover

Christmas morning she’ll be happier with a Hoover.

advertising imagery sexist vintage

Dead Snowmen

Gruesomely dead snowmen.

imagery snow

Explain These Bad Grades

1969: A child’s parents blame him for his bad grades. Today: A child’s parents blame his teacher for his bad grades.

education imagery school teachers

Support Bras

Supportive support bras…

bras imagery underwear

The Second Amendment: The Right To Bear Arms

The second amendment gives Americans the right to bear arms. I think many have taken this out of context.

america bear arms constitution democracy imagery second amendment

The Deadly Facts About Water

The Deadly Facts about Water

imagery water

In Russia People Sneeze Fire

In Russia people sneeze fire after drinking lots of vodka.

alcohol animated fire imagery racist russia sneezing

Back-Up

Image of man backing-up with computer.

geeky imagery technology

Pasta Truck

A pasta truck, or a very large pasta.

food imagery pasta trucks

Lying About Skim Milk

There’s only one thing I hate more than lying. Skim milk, which is water that’s lying about being milk.

imagery milk

Toast Toasts Toast?

If guns don’t kill people, people kill people, does that mean…

guns imagery toast

You Can See Me?

Next time a stranger talks to me when I’m alone I will look at them shocked and just whisper quietly, “you can see me?”

invisible

Declaration Of A Software Professional

Declaration of a Software Professional.

geeky it

Difference Between Men And Women

The difference between men and women…

imagery sexist

Vodka Diet: Lose 3 Days In 1 Week

Vodka Diet: Lose 3 Days in 1 Week.

alcohol food imagery vodka

Free Tattoo Removal

Free (and perhaps painful) tattoo removal.

imagery tattoos

Iron Man Competition

Ironman Competition - the way it should be…

imagery sexist

Blonde Betting

A very attractive blonde woman arrived at a Vegas casino…

blonde sexist

Windows: File Missing

Windows cannot find the file. Would you like some wine instead?

alcohol computers geeky imagery microsoft windows

How Did You Get In My House?

If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple “Thank you” is all I need. Not all this “How did you get in my house?” business.

breakfast imagery

Drop Bears – Department Of Dangerous Fauna Management

Dropbears are a very real danger to all Australians. Almost one in ten Australians has been attacked by a Dropbear, and the rate is even higher for foreign visitors. Don’t become another statistic. Always beware low branches and doorframes. Look up. Stay Alive.

animals australia dropbears imagery koalas

I Love The Smell Of Pixel In The Morning

I Love the Smell of Pixel in the Morning…

food imagery

The Ego Boost Urinal

The Ego Boost Urinal.

imagery

Cat Legs

There really isn’t much else to say about this.

animals imagery

Redheads

How do you get a redhead…

redheads sexist

Cooking With Wine

I tried cooking supper with wine tonight. Didn’t go so well. After 5 glasses I forgot why I was even in the kitchen.

alcohol cooking imagery wine

Scary Campfire Stories: Book Style

And then… after they had ripped out half of her pages… they turned her… into a movie!

books imagery

Let’s All Take A Moment And Be Thankful That Spiders Don’t Fly.

Let’s all take a moment and be thankful that spiders don’t fly!

animals imagery spiders

If Your Phone Gets Wet, Try Placing It In A Bag Of Rice

If your phone gets wet, try placing it in a bag of rice. At night, the rice will attract Asians who will fix your electronics for you.

asian imagery iphone racist rice

Steve Jobs & Bill Gates Discuss Heaven

Steve Jobs & Bill Gates Discuss Heaven: It doesn’t have any wall or fence…

apple bill gates computers heaven imagery microsoft phones religious steve jobs windows

Dream Girl

Girl on beach with six breasts.

boobs imagery risqué sexist

Men Have Feelings Too!

Men have feelings too! For example, we feel hungry.

imagery men sexist

Grammar Vandal

When English teachers snap: Sorry Ma’am, but bad grammar is no excuse for vandalism.

english grammar imagery school teachers

Don’t Fall For This

The CIA is trying to steal my…

imagery risqué

Mars Vs. Venus

Mars versus Venus…

sexist

Moving Illusion

A psychedelic illusion where a brightly coloured non-moving image appears to be pulsating in and out.

illusion imagery

So We Got Pugsy A New Chew Toy…

So we got Pugsy a new chew toy…

animals dogs imagery

Alphabet Game

The Alphabet Game is a car game played to amuse travellers on long car rides.

alphabet games imagery

Speed Camera Hack

Car with SQL injection taped to the front.

cars geeky imagery sql

Fridge Magnets

Well, tell me, Randy. Has someone eaten all the refrigerator magnets again?

animals dogs imagery

Caps Lock

A visual representation of the use of caps lock.

geeky imagery

Wireless Technology

“It is a bit freaky with this wireless technology”

animals imagery

Buttons

Lots of buttons…

imagery

Children Painting

Two children, half a room and a TV covered in white paint.

children imagery paint

Cat: The Dog Went Missing

Cat: The dog went missing? Hahaha! Hahaha! I’m sorry human. Hahaha… no seriously, I’m so sad…

animals cats dogs imagery

Pop Out Of Bed

If people were meant to pop out of bed we’d all sleep in toasters.

cats comics imagery

Bogan Bass

Bogan Bass: Yet somehow still better than Beats by Dr Dre.

bogans imagery iphone speakers

What Is A Word Made Up Of 4 Letters Yet Is Also Made Up Of 3

What is a word made up of 4 letters yet is also made up of 3. Although is written with 8 letters, and then with 4. Rarely consists of 6, and never is written with 5.

english words

101 Things You Do Not Want...

101 Things You Do Not Want Your System Administrator to say.

computers geeky it technology

Kiwi Condoms

Australia runs out of condoms…

australia condoms new zealand racist risqué

Phone Tails

That’s right dear, our ancestors had tails.

imagery phones

Just Checking

“Just doing a spot-check to see what you’re doing… Yup, sitting at your computer again!” The expression on this ostrich’s face is excellent.

animals imagery

IKEA Product Recall

IKEA product recall advert on April Fools Day

advertising april fools ikea imagery product recalls tools

L33t H4x0r R0m30 4nd Jul13t

Tales for the L33T - ROMEO+JULIET

animated flash geeky imagery

Have You Seen Pulp Fiction?

Have you seen Pulp Fiction? Yeah, but I didn’t like it.

cars imagery movies pulp fiction the rock

Athens Olympic Soccer Stadium

The Athens Olympic Stadium…

olympics racist sport

Tough Tattoos

Tough Tattoos: You Don’t Have to Like Me.

facebook imagery tattoos

@KimKardashian @kanyewest Yo I’m Happy For You And Imma Let You Finish But Beyonce Had One Of The Best Labours Of All Time.

[Twitter] Taylor Swift: @KimKardashian @kanyewest Yo I’m happy for you and imma let you finish but Beyonce had one of the best labours of all time.

babies imagery kanye west kim kardashian phones sms taylor swift twitter

Nietzsche Is Dead

God is dead” ~Nietzsche / “Nietzsche is dead” ~God.

imagery nietzsche religious

Hair Dryer

Darling, please give me the hair dryer…

imagery sexist

Stress Management

A stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological texts.

stress work

Words Women Use

Words women use, and what they really mean.

sexist women

Angela Merkel Arrives At Passport Control At Paris Airport…

Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control at Paris airport. “Nationality?” asks the immigration officer. “German,” she replies. “Occupation?” “No, just here for a few days.”

france germany imagery racist

Chris Brown & Rihanna Bananas

I can’t believe she didn’t press charges. It got worse when he posted the unpeeled photos of her.

bananas chris brown food imagery rihanna

Dog Queue

Sometimes, even dogs have to queue…

animals dogs imagery

Wrong Button

Fighter jet hits the wrong button.

air force fighter jets imagery jets navy

Seal This Opening

I was told to seal this opening, so here I am.

animals imagery seals

Forgot I Was Sharing My Screen With Her

I was on an online conference call with a cute sounding girl, and googled her name out of curiosity. Forgot I was sharing my screen with her.

girls imagery work

Missed You...

Image of a soldier pointing a gun towards the camera with caption “When you first left, I missed you badly… I WONT THIS TIME”

imagery

It’s A Whale

How do you have any friends…

animals imagery iphone phones

Paraprosdokians

Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.

english grammar

Don’t Copy If You Can’t Paste

Don’t copy if you can’t paste…

sexist work

A Baby’s Laughter Is One Of The Most Beautiful Sounds You’ll Ever Hear

A baby’s laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you’ll ever hear. Unless it’s 3 AM, you’re home alone, and you don’t have a baby.

babies

Row Row Row Your Boat

Row row row your boat. Shut up Carl.

boats imagery rowing war

Roses Are #FF0000

Roses are #FF0000, Violets are #0000FF.

geeky imagery romance

Street Name

Hey, what’s your street name?

imagery phones sms

Whenever I Have To Force Shutdown

Whenever I have to force shutdown.

computers geeky imagery

Zombies!

Zombies! Oh, wait… false alarm, it’s just the Rolling Stones… carry on!

imagery musicians rolling stones zombies

American Measures

American Measures: An Arbitrary Retarded Rollercoaster

america imagery racist

Dealing With Hunger Pangs

A woman asks her partner at breakfast time, “Would you like some bacon and eggs a slice of toast and, maybe, some grapefruit juice and coffee?”

risqué sexist viagra

Premature Ejaculators Anonymous

Man stating he ‘came too soon’ in front of sign stating ‘premature ejaculators anonymous’.

imagery risqué

Pygmy Dinosaur Hunter

The Pygmy Dinosaur Hunter…

animals joke

For Too Long The Voice Of Women Has Been Silenced

For too long the voice of women has been silenced. It’s time they had microphones in kitchens.

imagery kitchens sexist women

Piranhas On An Escalator

If I were you, I’d take the stairs…

imagery movie posters piranhas

Throwing People

A tomato’s fear.

food imagery

Mailman Jumped 15 Feet

Mailman jumped 15 feet. Dog was right. This is fun.

cats imagery mailboxes

Be Bold

Be bold or italic. Never regular.

fonts imagery typography

Cooking Shows

If we watched cooking shows the way guys watch sports.

imagery sexist tv women

What A Cruel Male-dominated Culture

It’s a male dominated culture, no matter how you look at it…

bikinis burqa imagery muslim racist sexist

Sexy Motorbike

I am not too sure what to say about this…

imagery motorbikes risqué

Engineering Flowchart

Nothing duct tape and WD-40 can’t fix…

engineering flowcharts geeky imagery

John’s Weather Forecasting Stone

One of the most reliable ways of forecasting…

forecasting imagery

Told Her Not To Brag About Her Barbie Dream House…

Told her not to brag about her barbie dream house…

explosions guns imagery

Apple IPhone 20 & Samsung Galaxy S23 – Sword & Shield

A mock-up of the iPhone 20 and Samsung Galaxy S23, after the launch of the “taller” iPhone5 & the larger Galaxy S3.

advertising apple imagery iphone phones samsung samsung galaxy technology

Group Therapy

…is not going to make Q any less of a hated letter.

board games games imagery

Mexico’s National Sport

What is Mexico’s national sport? Cross country.

imagery mexico racist

Survival Tracking Guide

The Pirate, the Ninja, & the Zombie…

geeky imagery ninjas pirates zombies

What Would Robots From The 1960's…

What would robots from 1960’s and 1970’s TV say today with current software installed?

daleks doctor who geeky robots

A Dog Named Stay

I bought a dog once. Named him ‘Stay’…

animals dogs imagery

Sentence Structure: Why Sentence Structure Is Important

Sentence Structure: Why sentence structure is important.

risqué sexist work

I See What You Did There

I see what you did there… also, over here…

animals dogs imagery

Thumb War

One, two three, four. I declare a thumb war…

imagery risqué

Your Computer Is Broadcasting Your IP...

Your computer is broadcasting your IP over the Internet…

geeky imagery internet

Basic Human Needs

Basic human needs… like Wi-Fi.

imagery wifi

Afterburn - Whom Do You See?

Relax and concentrate on the four small dots in the middle of the picture…

illusion imagery

Bread Dog

The Amazing Bread Dog.

animals bread dogs food imagery

Math Problem

John has 32 candy bars. He eats 28. What does he have now?

joke math

Drowning, LOL!

If you see someone drowning… LOL!

geeky imagery

No Science In This Microwave

Food only. Absolutely no science in this microwave.

food imagery microwaves science

Stop! Hammer Time

Stop! Hammer Time!

hammer imagery

That Conspiracy Stuff

I’m telling you – the man and the dog are definitely working together…

animals conspiracies dogs imagery sheep

Hebrew Cave Paintings

Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols…

imagery risqué

It Is Such A Drag When Someone In The Group Can’t Fly…

It is such a drag when someone in the group can’t fly… forcing everybody else to have to ride up the elevator too…

batman imagery superman wonderwoman

Emo Bunny

Emo bunny: No one ever understands him

animals bunnies imagery rabbits

Don’t Grow Up

Don’t grow up. It’s a trap.

imagery signs

It’s Just One Of Those Days

A baby elephant falls in the mud.

animals elephants imagery

A BMW Donkey

A BMW donkey. Not much more to be said really.

animals cars donkeys imagery

How The Hell Is The Ball Still In Your Hand?

How the hell is the ball still in your hand?

animals dogs imagery

Entero Somewhere Elso

English: Do Not Enter Here; Spanish: Entero Somewhere Elso.

english etymology imagery languages spanish

25 Year Old Escort

But Mr. Berlusconi, you said, “Send a 25 years old escort to my villa!”

cars imagery italy racist risqué

Having More Money Doesn’t Make You Happier

“Having more money doesn’t make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I’m just as happy as when I had 48 million”

quotations schwarzenegger

Walked Into A Public Bathroom

Walked into a public bathroom. Saw this and heard “hello?”

imagery toilets

What Are Your Plans For The Weekend?

What are your plans for the weekend? Studying. [shocked look] Drinking! Drinking!

babies drinking imagery studying the rock

American State Mottos

American State Mottos…

america racist

Exercise - Some Facts

Exercise… some facts.

joke

Fingering A Minor

Fingering A Minor for hours on my bed.

imagery risqué

Slur In Cursive

When I drink, I don’t slur my words… I speak in cursive.

alcohol drunk imagery

IPhone 5 Plus Versus Nokia 3310

iPhone 6 Plus versus Nokia 3310: Does it bend?

apple imagery iphone iphone 6 nokia phones

Seven Ate Nine

Six, Seven, Ate, Nine…

imagery math

Marry Me

Scrabble Edition.

board games imagery

Blacks For Sale

They can still do that?

blacks imagery racist

Mickey Mouse

One day, Mickey Mouse decided that he wanted a divorce…

risqué

Slashdot For Dummies

Slashdot for Dummies – A Reference for the Rest of Us!

geeky imagery internet

The Best Photo Caption

A western woman in Africa—presumably a tourist—squats to go to the toilet in the bush, pants down, toilet paper in hand, her backpack in the grass nearby; unaware a lion is sneaking up behind her. Captioned “if she hasn’t… she will soon”.

africa animals cats imagery lions tourists

Irish Pets

Two Irish men walk into a pet shop…

animals irish racist

Hide Yo Kids!

Hide yo kids! Hide yo wife!

animals dogs imagery

Olympus Fights Back

Olympus Fights Back: Canon versus Olympus

imagery photography

The Bat Cave

The location of our Bat Cave is meant to be secret, so stop checking in!

cartoons comics imagery movies

Aboriginal Jobs

At the end of a tiny, deserted bar is a huge Aboriginal bloke…

aboriginal australia gay racist

Aboriginal Eggs

Two Aboriginal lads are riding along the Hume Highway on a motorbike…

aboriginal australia racist

Phone Sex

Phone Sex. You’re doing it wrong.

imagery phones risqué sex

Fail Towing

Thank You for Using Fail Towing, Inc.

cars imagery

North Korea: I Will Destroy America

North Korea: I will destroy America! Obama: Too late!

america imagery north korea obama racist

Titanic Ice Bucket Challenge

Titanic ALS Ice Bucket Challenge: “I accept your ice water challenge”.

imagery movies

Assistant Branch Manager

The Branch Manager and the Assistant Branch Manager.

animals business dogs imagery

Let’s Go For A Drink…

Goldstar Beer Ads: What goes through the mind of men and women when they’re asked to go for a drink…

alcohol imagery sexist

Laurel And Hardy

Laurel and Hardy were repairing their roof. All of a sudden, Hardy lost his balance and went tumbling on the ground…

joke

Sex Maniac

Dear Dr Ruth, I’m writing to tell you my problem. It seems I have been married to a sex maniac for the past 22 years…

imagery self-help sex

Step Ladder

The Troubles of Being a Step Ladder…

imagery step ladders tools

Get In The Banana

No time to explain. Get in the banana!

bananas cars food imagery

Beer Troubleshooting Chart

Beer Troubleshooting Chart.

beer charts

Spring Is Here. I’m So Excited I Wet My Plants!

Spring is here. I’m so excited I wet my plants!

imagery signs spring

Sideways Car

It’s a little confusing…

cars imagery

Notice

Notice is hereby given…

A Dog Dies: Can I Have Chocolate?

A dog dies and finds out chocolate killed him.

animals chocolate dogs heaven imagery

In God’s Kitchen

In God’s Kitchen: What are you cooking?

australia cooking god imagery kitchens

Rejection Response

The next time you get a rejection letter from a hoped-for employer or publisher, just send them the following…

work

He’s Gonna Upgrade Your Tablets…

Moses, meet Steve. He’s gonna upgrade your tablets…

apple computers imagery religious steve jobs

I Love You Zebra

Bite marks are love notes written in flesh. I love you zebra.

animals imagery zebras

My Pet Rock Ran Away

My Pet Rock Ran Away…

imagery rocks

The Fellowship Of The Ring

The Fellowship of the Ring.

IP Jokes

I’d tell you a UDP joke, but you may not get it.

geeky jokes

Microsoft Office Suite Pass Key

Does anyone have an extra Microsoft Office suite pass key?

geeky imagery microsoft microsoft office

Where Is Amanda’s Husband?

Amanda is 21 years older than her son John. In 6 years from now, Amanda will be 5 times as old as John…

jokes risqué

How High Are You?

How High Are You? No Officer, it’s “Hi, how are you”.

cars drugs imagery police

You Never Listen To Me…

You never listen to me! You only hear what you want to hear!

beer imagery sexist

Spellcheck Not Needed

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy…

geeky

You You Read The First Line Wrong?

What if I told you you read the first line wrong?

english imagery

Why Women Live Longer Than Men

Genetics - Why women live longer than men.

imagery

Effective Birth Control

The most effective birth control method known to man.

birth control imagery risqué

26 Everyday Occurrences In Australia

When you live on a barely hospitable desert island that was once a continent-sized penal colony, your life tends to be a little more badass than the average person’s.

animals australia crocodiles emus imagery kangaroos koalas kookaburras police sharks spiders woolworths

Cybersex How-Not-To

Cybersex how it should not be…

internet risqué

Get In The Llama

No time to explain! Get in the llama…

animals imagery llamas

Polished My Car Too Much

Polished my car too much, now it’s invisible…

cars imagery

Make Your Own Apple Laptop

Make your own Apple laptop the cheap—and healthy—way!

apple apples computers food imagery laptops technology

Ultimate Camouflage

An office beer fridge…

beer geeky imagery work

Purina Diet

The Purina Pet Food Diet.

animals dieting dogs

Microphone Eyes

Microphone Eyes.

imagery

Dear Abby, I’ve Never Written To You Before…

Dear Abby, I’ve never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision…

cheating imagery motorbikes relationships sexist

Tarzan Sex

When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle, she was attracted to him, and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex…

risqué

Panties

Policewoman: Anything you say will be taken down!

police risqué

Blind Pilots

You know, Bob, one of these days, they’re going to scream too late, and we’re all gonna die…

pilots

The Lone Ranger

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an Indian war party…

animals risqué

Seal The Deal

What do you say we go behind this rock and seal the deal?

animals imagery seals

What If The Beatles Had Been Computer Freaks?

What if the Beatles had been computer freaks?

geeky music

Investment Opportunity

Investment Opportunity. Thought you might want to consider getting on board early.

afghanistan racist

Costello’s Reward For Being Loyal

Costello’s reward for being loyal…

australia political

Times Have Changed

An image from an operating manual for the SAGE air defense system

imagery

An Atheist, A Jew, And A Christian Walk Into A Bar…

An atheist, a Jew, and a Christian walk into a bar…

christian imagery jewish muslim racist

Imaginary Friend

Aww, how cute. He has an imaginary friend!

imagery math

Legoland Will Never Be The Same...

Legoland will never be the same…

imagery

The Seal Of Approval

The Seal of Approval…

animals imagery seals

Sweet Justice

Workcover versus the police…

highway patrol police speeding workcover

Please Use Tongue.

Do not touch bread with hands. Please use tongue.

bread food imagery tongues

The Dead Rabbit

The Dead Rabbit, aka The Worst Joke Ever…

animals joke

How The Internet Started: A History Lesson

How the Internet Started: A History Lesson.

geeky history internet it

Too Long

Her: Do you want to her a joke about my vagina? Nevermind… you’ll never get it! Her: Do you want to her a joke about my vagina? Nevermind… you’ll never get it!

imagery risqué

Alcohol Is A Solution

Not to get technical but according to chemistry alcohol is a solution.

alcohol chemistry

Wurst Nightmare

Hi. I’m your wurst nightmare.

food imagery

Obama: “Aww No! Both Of You Hang Up!”

Her: “Ok, you hang up.” Him: “No, you hang up.” Her: “Haha, no you hang up.” Obama: “Aww no! Both of you hang up!”

america imagery nsa obama phones spying

Misleading The Public

$100 for speeding and $250 for misleading the public…

cars imagery police

Facebook Illusion

Facebook: Providing the illusion you have friends since 2004!

facebook imagery

Master Has Presented Dobby With Clothes! Dobby Is Free!

Well I’m grounded. WTF did you do this time? My Mum asked me to do the laundry and threw a sock at me… I ran away screaming “Master has presented Dobby with clothes! Dobby is free!”

harry potter imagery sms

Dear Tech Support

Girlfriend technical support…

geeky sexist

Delete Cookies

Delete cookies?!

geeky imagery

Dangerous Australia

It’s no wonder we all live here…

animals australia dangerous imagery

The Last Known Picture Taken Of Grandpa

A woman inadvertently points a gun towards a man.

guns imagery

Misspelt Blog Post

You wouldn't think anyone reads my blog. I haven’t got a comment in weeks. Misspell something…

blogs grammar imagery spelling

Men’s Rules

We always hear the rules from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side…

sexist

Crayon Gun

A fantastic gun made from many every-day items.

guns imagery

Policeman’s Ball

A young woman was pulled over for speeding. A NSW Police Officer walked to her car window flipping open his ticket book. She said “I bet you are going to try and sell me a ticket to the Policeman’s Ball.” He said, “NSW Police don’t have balls.” There was a moment of silence. Then he closed his book, tipped his hat, and got back in his patrol car and left!

australia imagery nsw police

Mad Magazine’s Boy Grows Up

The boy from Mad Magazine morphing into George Bush.

imagery political

Zombie Apocalypse Spider

I laugh at your claims to bravely take on a zombie apocalypse, when most of you can’t stand up to a spider.

animals imagery spiders zombies

Mating Bulls

A man took his wife to the Rodeo and one of the exhibits is that of breeding bulls…

risqué sexist

Windows

Windows. Still the most used operating system, and undoubtedly the most abused.

bsod clippit computers geeky imagery microsoft windows

Pregnancy Tips

Some useful pregnancy tips…

babies imagery pregnancy

Usain Bold, Usain Italic

Usain Bolt: Usain Bold, Usain Italic.

fonts imagery sports

Let’s Get You Home Buddy

Two giraffe having problems getting home.

animals giraffes imagery

Pages By Date

A list of all the pages, sorted by their last updated or creation dates.

90’s Gamer

Everytime I hear people complain about online gaming, I wish they could experience my pain of online gaming in the 90’s…

computer games geeky imagery

I Think I Might Stay Home Tonight…

I think I might stay home tonight… Liver and Wallet like this.

facebook imagery

Fight Apathy

…or don’t.

imagery

Idiots

Idiots everywhere…

XBOX Girlfriend

A real girlfriend does not complain when her boyfriend is on his xbox…

computer games geeky imagery sexist

Sense

…this picture makes none.

imagery

Hillary Clinton Goes To Her Doctor For A Physical…

Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical…

political risqué

Proposing With An Onion

Proposing with an onion: Guaranteed to cry.

imagery marriage onions people proposing

What Are We? Browsers!

What are we? Browsers! What do we want? More speed! And when do we want it? Right now!

browsers chrome firefox geeky imagery internet internet explorer

A Signal They Forgot To Teach You In Your Open Water Class.

Big shark behind you: A signal they forgot to teach you in your open water class.

diving imagery sharks sign language

Damn Women Drivers

This morning on the freeway, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Cadillac doing 110…

driving sexist women

The Mayan Calendar

I only had enough room to go up to 2012…

calendars comics imagery mayans

There Are Three Kinds Of People: Impatient, Patient, And Rich.

There are three kinds of people: Impatient, patient, and rich.

imagery movies

You Look Fine

Instead of a mirror, a sign “you look fine”.

bathrooms imagery signs

High Rabbits

Two rabbits getting high on marijuana.

animals drugs imagery rabbits

Cats And Dogs

As seen in a dog’s diary…

animals cats dogs

How People From Around The World Open Beer

People from around the world opening beer in their own unique ways.

beer imagery racist

Square Bike

Surprisingly good riding down stairs… not so good on the flat.

bikes imagery

Trannysaurus

Trannysaurus: You’re fired.

dinosaurs imagery museums

Australian Banks

Australian Bank Logos.

australia banks imagery

Problem Solving Flowchart

A simple, and humorous, flowchart that successfully troubleshoots almost any problem you can think of.

imagery

Technology For Country Folk

Technology for Country Folk.

redneck technology

Meth Lab Dog

Yellow Lab, Black Lab, Chocolate Lab, Meth Lab!

animals dogs drugs imagery meth

How To Be Green

A boardgame: How to be Green…

imagery

Edward Snowden Buys A Plane Ticket From Moscow To Havana…

Snowden buys a plane ticket from Moscow to Havana. Over 30 journalists pay last-minute airfare for a ticket on the same flight. The doors shut, the plane takes off, and [Edward] Snowden is not on the plane. It’s a 16-hour flight.

imagery political snowden spying wikileaks

Human Hotfix

Hotfix Patch for Humans released.

geeky

I’ll Just Be A Stripper.

Screw this: I’ll just be a stripper.

imagery math school

How To Pick Up Chicks

Instructional guide on how to pick up chicks.

animals chickens chicks imagery

Letter To A Mother / School Report

It is with great happiness that I’m telling you that I eloped with my new boyfriend…

children parenting school

Medical Marijuana

What disease is your medical marijuana relieving?

drugs homophobia imagery marijuana medical

Kangaroo Kicks Boy

A kangaroo kicks an unsuspecting boy into a dam while an emu strolls past.

animals animated australia emus imagery kangaroos

I Have CDO. It’s Like OCD But All The Letters Are In Alphabetical Order.

I have CDO. It’s like OCD but all the letters are in alphabetical order. As they should be.

imagery ocd shirts

Technically Correct

…but still wrong.

imagery

You’ll Never Be As Happy As This Turtle

You’ll never be as happy as this turtle.

animals imagery turtles

Michael Jackson's Dog

A rather mean impression of what Michael Jackson’s dog might look like, if it had similar surgery.

imagery

Boiled Lobster

“I hate the way they scream when you boil them!”

animals food imagery

Call The Rescue Squad!

I’m sorry dear. I can’t hear you. I’m in the kitchen, making you a sandwich.

imagery sexist

To Avoid Perpetuating Gender Stereotypes

To avoid perpetuating gender stereotypes, I gave my daughter a mix of dolls and toy cars to play with. This is what happened…

children imagery sexist toys

Chocolate Pudding

It’s four o’clock in the morning. Why on earth are you making chocolate pudding?

cartoons food imagery

Husband Glasses

I’m returning these glasses I bought for my husband. He’s still not seeing things my way.

imagery sexist

Irish Car

An advertisement in an Irish Newspaper…

cars imagery irish racist

Smile

Smile…

imagery

Dormeyer Crying Wives

Wives: Look this ad over carefully. Circle the items you want for Christmas. Show it to your husband. If he does not go to the store immediately, cry a little…

advertising imagery sexist vintage

The Day Einstein Feared

The day that Einstein feared may have finally arrived.

einstein imagery phones technology

Don’t Let Kevin Bacon Die

20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have No Cash, No Hope and No Jobs. Please don’t let Kevin Bacon die.

bob hope imagery johnny cash kevin bacon steve jobs

Emergency: Out Of Order

Please do not have an emergency!

emergency imagery out of order

National Portrait Gallery

National Portrait Gallery. National Landscape Gallery…

art geeky imagery

Socialize

Men socialize by insulting each other…

sexist

Only In America...

Only in America…

racist

Do Not Trust Atoms

Do not trust atoms. They make up everything.

atoms imagery signs

Play Outside

It’s a beautiful day. I really want you to go outside and play.

computer games computers imagery

Secrets To A Long, Happy Marriage

An old woman was sipping on a glass of wine…

alcohol imagery marriage wine

Flower Porn

Even flowers do it…

imagery risqué

Update Available

An update is available for your computer…

computers geeky imagery linux mac windows

Four Perfectly Round Circles

Four Perfectly Round Circles.

illusion imagery

If You Like It Then You Shoulda Put A Pin On It

If you like it then you shoulda put a pin on it!

imagery pinterest

Lesson Of The Day

You should never do anything wrong, it will catch up with you…

animals animated imagery

A Lemur Who Has Discovered The Wondrousness Of Cupcakes For The Fist Time.

A lemur who has discovered the wondrousness of cupcakes for the fist time.

animals cupcakes food imagery lemurs

Spider’s Remember

Remember when you threw a shoe at me and I fell somewhere behind the bed? I remember too.

imagery spiders

This Guy’s An Idiot! Quick, Take A Picture!

This guy’s an idiot! Quick, take a picture!

animals cows horses imagery

Jam And Butter The Muddy Plasters, The Dirty Bucket Of Pitch!

Jam and butter the muddy plasters, the dirty bucket of pitch!

joke risqué

Wireless Networks

Wireless networks could save your life!

imagery wifi

Passive Agressive Hippie

Passive Agressive Hippie: You want a [peace sign] of me?

hippies imagery shirts

The Average Human Body Contains Enough Bones

The average human body contains enough bones to make an entire human skeleton.

bones imagery skeletons

Comforting A Grammar Nazi

When comforting a grammar nazi, I always say softly, “there, their, they’re”

english grammar imagery

Men Are Like...

Men are like…

sexist

Piracy Is Not Theft

Imagine your car gets stolen, but it’s still there in the morning.

imagery piracy

Bob Hawke’s Yard Of Ale

While at university at Oxford in 1963, Bob Hawke, former Prime Minister of Australia, entered the Guinness Book of Records here at the Turf Tavern after downing a yard of ale (that’s just over 2½ pints!) in just 11 seconds.

alcohol australia bob hawke imagery oxford political

Do One Brave Thing Today

Do one brave thing today… then run like hell!

animals bears imagery penguins

The Clever Old Man

One evening an old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond…

farmers imagery men swimming women

Before Tweeting

In case of fire: Exit building before tweeting about it.

imagery

McDonald’s Reaches Africa

McDonald’s reaches Africa.

imagery

Got To Love Drunk People

>A man, and his wife are awakened at 3 o’clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door…

Calm Living

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me today, and we all could probably use more calm in our lives.

alcohol

Car Alarms

Car alarms: They piss me off!

cars imagery

IPhone 10 – The Tallest IPhone Yet

A mock-up of the iPhone 10, after the launch of the “taller” iPhone5.

advertising apple imagery iphone phones technology

Colgate Dental Floss Advertising Campaign

Colgate have created an ingenious campaign to promote their dental floss.

advertising imagery

Evening Classes For Men

Instructive evening classes for men…

sexist

Windows Frozen

Wife texts husband on a cold winter’s morning, “Windows frozen.”

computers sms windows

Lost Wormhole

Do not attempt capture because you’ll totally screw with the space/time continuum bro.

imagery posters science

The Park Anywhere Button

Self-explanatory really.

cars imagery

He’s Got Wifi

Three birds sitting on a wire, a fourth sitting in mid air. He's got wifi.

birds imagery wifi

Something Went Terribly Wrong

Something, somewhere went terribly wrong.

computers evolution imagery

Michelangelo: The Re-enactment

A re-enactment of Michelangelo’s famous “The Creation of Adam”.

art imagery michelangelo paintings reenactment sistine chapel

Trapped Miners

The first photo of the trapped miners…

imagery

A Middle-aged Woman Decides To Have A Facelift…

A middle-aged woman decides to have a facelift…

The 10 Commandments

The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse or parliament…

political religious

Tomorrow (noun)

Tomorrow (noun): a mystical land where 99% of all human productivity, motivation and achievement is stored.

grammar imagery tomorrow

Women: Yes, No, Maybe…

I think I have that women-talk all figured out…

imagery sexist

Police Station Toilet Stolen

Police Station Toilet Stolen… Cops have nothing to go on.

imagery

Blonde Geometry

Attached is problem 3 on a geometry examination…

blonde imagery sexist

Creative Apple MacBook Stickers

A collection of creative Apple MacBook stickers & decals.

apple computers decals imagery laptops mac macbook stickers technology

How Mother And Baby “Picked Up”

Blatz Beer: How Mother and Baby “Picked Up”.

advertising babies beer imagery mothers vintage

Positive For Coke

You’re fired Jack, the lab results just came back and you tested positive for Coke.

imagery

Mettalicat

Mettalicat: Sleeps with one eye open, gripping his pillow tight.

animals cats imagery metallica

Can February March? No, But April May.

Can February March? No, but April May.

animals fish imagery

A Young Brunette Goes To The Doctor...

A young brunette goes to the doctor…

blonde sexist

Caution: Door May Open

Caution: Door May Open.

imagery

Blow In Her Face

Blow in her face and she'll follow you anywhere.

advertising cigarettes imagery risqué sexist vintage

Simba & Woodridge

But what about that shadowy place?

brisbane imagery logan racist woodridge

American Nun

A deserter GI was running down a road escaping from two MPs…

army war

Three Little Piggies

Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night…

animals joke pigs

Kneel, Says The Demon Light

Stop says the red light, go says the green. Wait says the yellow light, twinkling in between. Kneel, says the demon light, with its eye of coal. Sauron knows your licence plate, and stares into your soul.

imagery lord of the rings sauron traffic lights

Insert Disk Two

Please insert disk two.

computers imagery

All Others Will Be Toad

Private customer parking only. All others will be toad.

animals broomsticks cars frogs imagery parking princesses witches

IDK LY TTYL

IDK LY TTYL: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later.

acronyms imagery iphone phones

MSN Shuts Down

We reminisce about “the good old days” of MSN…

geeky imagery microsoft msn

Has One Night Stand

Has one night stand, but way too many books to fit on it.

imagery racist

The Accidental Conversation Loop

My greatest social fear: The Accidental Conversation Loop.

comics english imagery

Low Battery Warning

Plug in or find another power source. Or panic now!

imagery

Mario: Happy

Quit your day job and do what makes you happy.

computer games geeky imagery work

The Poodle And The Leopard

Experience trumps youth.

Ultimate Chick Flick

Ultimate chick flick: Two women fighting over a pair of shoes

alice in wonderland imagery movies sexist

Handegg

Football versus Handegg: It’s not football…

imagery sport

Draw Bridge

A man drawing a bridge at a “draw bridge” sign.

drawings imagery signs

What Kind Of Sorcery Lets These Two Blocks Be The Same Color?

One is dark, one is light. One is gray, one is white. These are obviously two different blocks with two different colors right? Wrong. The two blocks are the same color.

illusion imagery

Aboriginal Spongebob Spotted In Cairns

Aboriginal Spongebob spotted in Cairns.

aboriginal australia racist

DBA/SQL Humour

An SQL query walks into a bar, goes up to two tables and asks, “May I join you?”

dba geeky imagery sql

Balloons Are So Weird…

Balloons are so weird… “Happy Birthday, here’s a plastic sack of my breath”

balloons birthdays imagery

The Divorce Rate Among My Socks Is Astonishing.

The divorce rate among my socks is astonishing.

imagery socks

Child Beating

A seven year old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama…

children parenting sport

If You’re Not Doing Anything Wrong, You Shouldn’t Have Anything To Hide

The government says “If you’re not doing anything wrong, you shouldn’t have anything to hide.” If that is true, shouldn’t the government declassify everything?

dinosaurs imagery political spying

Popular Sayings #38

Dress for the job you want, not the one you have.

comics imagery movies work

If Beer Was Like Operating Systems...

If Beer was like Operating Systems…

beer computers geeky

Escape Egg

Counting down the days to escape…

eggs imagery

Home Mechanics

Home Mechanics and their cars.

cars imagery

Amazing Holes

Amazing Holes from Around the World.

australia democracy imagery political risqué

The Lift

A man and woman meet outside an elevator door…

imagery risqué sexist

Awkward Moment

The awkward when you already said “moment” in your head before you read it.

imagery

Google

Try Google. Available in six of the world’s most common languages…

geeky internet

Men Are Better Than Women!

Indoors, women are useful — even pleasant. On a mountain they are something of a drag. So don’t go hauling them up a cliff…

advertising imagery sexist sweaters vintage

Twelve Or Thirteen?

Wait until the group changes position. Is it twelve or thirteen?

illusion imagery

Foot Smart

See if you can outsmart your foot…

When Someone Yells “STOP”…

When someone yells “STOP”, I never know if it’s in the name of love, it’s Hammertime, or I should collaborate and listen…

phrases

There Was A Spider, I Panicked

There was a spider, I panicked. But I think it’s gone now.

animals fire imagery spiders

Redneck Ingenuity

Redneck Ingenuity: Shoes for tyres.

imagery redneck

Easter Bunnies

Chocolate Easter Bunnies: My butt hurts! What?

animals bunnies chocolate easter food imagery rabbits

Adult Dog Store

A dog carries an inflatable leg from an Adult Dog Store.

imagery risqué

Died

…from not forwarding that text message to 10 people.

geeky imagery

Geek Meditation Session

In your mind’s browser, clear your cache… now delete your history… now navigate to a blank web page…

geeky imagery meditation

A Little Hand

I wish you could give me a little hand…

animals dogs imagery

Jester App

Sorry–you've been replaced by an app…

imagery phones

Winter Knitting

What are you going to knit this winter?

imagery knitting

Out Of Breath

Dispatcher: Emergency Services, how may I help you?

Be The First Of Your Friends To Like This Post.

A post with a poster on it, “Be the first of your friends to like this post”.

facebook imagery

Patriotic Retirement Plan

Ms Gillard’s Patriotic Retirement Plan.

australia gillard political

Girl’s And Boy’s Diaries

A girl and a boy and their diaries…

sexist

Fire Extinguisher Fire

Fire Extinguisher Fire: What do you do now?

fire fire extinguishers imagery

Emoji

Alien blood transfusions are illegal for ghosts, but beach chickens win!

emoji imagery phones sms

On A Roll

Don’t try to stop me… ‘cause I am on a roll.

animals cats imagery

The Perfect Password

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, the computer advised him that he would now need to enter a password…

risqué sexist

She Might Scratch The Paint

I know what you’re thinking… she might scratch the paint.

boobs cars imagery risqué sexist

Steady Hand – The Results

Steady Hand – The Results (or what happens when you play Steady Hand)

imagery

LOL For Lunch

Ordering linguini for lunch always boosts morale.

food geeky imagery

I Run With Scissors

I run with scissors: It makes me feel dangerous.

imagery scissors

In Logan

Meanwhile… in Logan…

imagery logan racist risqué

Super Boner

Super-boner: A super problem.

imagery risqué superman

Today Is Sunday

Attention! Today is Sunday. Share this on your Facebook wall. Within seven days you’ll get another Sunday…

jokes

The World’s Shortest Books

The World’s Shortest Books

Cute Party Trick

Man with finger up nose and out of eye.

imagery

Granny LSD

Boy asks his Granny, “Have you seen my pills labelled ‘LSD’?”

drugs

Voice

Scrooge and Donald on IRC.

geeky imagery

The 2012 Melbourne Earthquake

The 2012 Melbourne Earthquake: We will rebuild.

australia chairs disaster earthquake imagery melbourne

Morning Coffee

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning…

coffee religious sexist

Seahorse

I’m a seahorse. Your argument is invalid.

animals horses imagery seahorses

It Looks Like You Are Wasting Office Supplies. Would You Like Some Help?

Clippit: It looks like you are wasting office supplies. Would you like some help?

clippit imagery microsoft office paperclips work

For A Good Time

For a good time, call…

cartoons imagery

Sometimes I Sit On The Floor And Put My Arms Around My Knees And Lean Forward

Dad: Sometimes I sit on the floor and put my arms around my knees and lean forward. Daughter: Huh? Dad: Cuz that’s how I roll!

dads imagery jokes phones sms

The Girls Are Talking About Tampons

The Blonde: It’s invisible sanitary protection, thank heavens…

advertising feminine hygiene imagery risqué sexist tampons vintage

Paper, Scissors, Whale!

Scissors cut paper again! I hate this game…

animals imagery whales

Feminine Instincts

If a girl ever pulls out a knife on you during an argument, pull out some bread and mayo. Her feminine instincts will kick in and she’ll make you a sandwich.

imagery sexist women

Hot Air Balloons

Hot Air Balloons - Boring 99% of the time.

balloons hot air balloons imagery

A Love Story With A Happy Ending

Once upon a time, a bloke asked a girl “Will you marry me?”

sexist

Using AOL? Mind If We LOL?

Using AOL? Mind if we LOL?

geeky internet

Men Are Happier

Men are Happier: What do you expect from such simple creatures?

sexist

Hello Kitty

It’s sickeningly cute. Perhaps literally if its expression is anything to go by…

animals cats imagery

You Hang Around, I’ll Go On Ahead

You hang around, I’ll go on ahead.

clothes hats imagery ties

Flying Ants

How ants began to fly…

animals drugs imagery

I'd Rather Break My Arms Than Take Two Trips

I'd rather break my arms than take two trips.

imagery men

I’ll Be Bag

A bag titled “I’ll Be Bag”

bags imagery shopping

Batman Downsized

Batman forced to downsize with increase in petrol prices…

imagery

I Love My BSOD

Perhaps the only blue screen of death geeks would be happy to see.

boobs bsod computers fashion geeky imagery microsoft sexist shirts windows women

Ordering Pizza In The Year 2025

Ordering pizza in the year 2025…

political

Slide To Unlock

A woman wearing a shirt: Slide to Unlock.

apple boobs fashion imagery ios risqué shirts

Perfect Riddle

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met…

sexist

Grow Some Balls

Why do people say ‘grow some balls’?

imagery risqué sexist

Martha Stewart’s New Digs

Martha Stewart’s New Digs

imagery

It’s A-me, Mario!

Mario emerging from a drainpipe.

computer games imagery mario

Back From The Dead

Woo, it’s me! Back from the dead!

imagery sms

The Atheist & The Bear

The Atheist and the Religious Bear

religious

Notepad Business Card

A business card styled to look like Windows Notepad.

business cards geeky imagery notepad windows

A True Australian Ghost Story

This story happened a short while ago near Brisbane, and even though it sounds a little Alfred Hitchcock… it’s (supposedly) true.

australia cars ghosts pub storm supernatural

Psalm 2009 – 2012

The First Book of Government.

australia political

Charlie Sheen For Halloween

No, you can’t be Charlie Sheen for Halloween.

imagery

Why Do Java Developers Wear Glasses?

Why do Java developers wear glasses? Because they don’t C#!

c sharp developers geeky imagery java programmers

How To Get A Day Off Work

How to get time off in the public service…

work

General Hierarchical Management Structure

I’ve never seen a Flow Chart described so clearly.

animals imagery

What Do You Call A Gun Enthusiast?

You may have heard on the news about a Southern California man who was put under 72-hour psychiatric observation when it was found he owned 100 guns and allegedly had 100,000 rounds of ammunition stored in his home…

america guns racist

Breakfast Alive

What happens if you wait too long before eating your breakfast?

food imagery

Chat Rooms

Chat Rooms – you never really know.

chat imagery internet

2 Mayan Guys

[2 Mayan Guys] Wanna beer? I’m working on this calendar, but I guess if I don’t finish it won’t be the end of the world.

beer calendars imagery mayans predictions

New Seatbelt Design: 45% Less Car Accidents!

A man driving a car while a woman sits beside him, with her seatbelt across her mouth, preventing her from commenting.

accident cars imagery seatbelts sexist

100 Guidelines On Becoming An Evil Villain

World domination is everyone’s dream. It’s not a bad job really…

The History Of The World

The History of the World, as written by the next generation…

school

Garage Door Covers

Amusing garage door covers

cars imagery

Draw Fake Eyebrows On Your Baby

Draw fake eyebrows on your baby. Then sit back and enjoy the humour.

babies imagery

Neville

Neville would have done it in four books.

imagery movies

Major Tom’s Ground Control

Major Tom’s Ground Control Lawn and Garden Management.

cars gardens imagery

Cocaine Toothache Drops

Cocaine Toothache Drops: Instantaneous Cure! 15¢.

advertising cocaine drugs imagery toothache vintage

Microsoft Car

Microsoft and General Motors on the Automobile.

cars computers geeky

Womb Service

Hello, Womb Service? I’d like a double order of hot wings…

babies imagery

I Found This Humerus

I found this humerus.

bones imagery

EUNUCH Programmer's Manual - CONDOM(1)

The EUNUCH Programmer's Manual - CONDOM(1)

geeky risqué

Q209354 - HOWTO

How to RTFM…

geeky

The Monday Punch

The Monday Punch: A man punched in the face.

imagery monday punch work

No Pony For Christmas

No pony for Christmas? No window for driving!

animals cars children girls horses imagery

Before And After...

Before and after marriage…

imagery sexist

Short Story

A college class was told they had to write a short story in as few words as possible.…

english grammar risqué school university writing

Intellectual Jokes

Believing this statement will make you happier.

geeky jokes

Mystery Books

You have to find them first…

books imagery

You Matter

You are living, you occupy space, you have a mass… you matter.

einstein imagery

Root Canal

Amusing animated image of root canal treatment

animated imagery medical

Hippo Eats Dwarf

A hippopotamus has swallowed a dwarf in a circus accident…

animals circuses dwarfs hippopotamuses imagery

Happy Pussy

A collection of amusing cat pictures.

cats

Read Your Book Case

A bookcase worth reading.

books imagery

Cables Exist In 4-dimensional Space

Proof cables exist in 4-dimensional space.

cables geeky imagery

I’m Glad You’re Up

I’ve put all of your folded shirts on the floor for you.

animals cats imagery

You Can’t Beat Stupid…

I wish they would invent something to keep the sun out of my eyes…

hats imagery sport

Otter Nonsense

I’ve had it up to here with your otter nonsense…

animals imagery otters

A Cop Just Pulled Me Over And Said “Papers”

A cop just pulled me over and said “Papers”… so I said “Scissors, I win” and drove off…

imagery police

Dog Decides Better Driver

My wife believes she is a better driver. I let our dog decide.

animals dogs driving imagery sexist

Jackass Piglet

Hi, my name’s piglet and this is Jackass.

animals bears cartoons imagery pigs

BSOD: Blue Screen Of Death

The dreaded blue screen of death…

bsod geeky microsoft windows

Roast Turkey With A Doll Head

I was watching TV when I head my Dad in the kitchen laughing to himself. When I got up to see what he was doing, I walked in on this…

food imagery turkey

Upgrade Kit For IPhone 4 Owners

Upgrade kit for iPhone 4 owners. Only 99¢.

apple imagery iphone phones

Horse Whisperer

A very amusing workplace complaint.

imagery work

A Beer Before It Starts

A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, “Quick, bring me a beer before it starts”…

beer sexist

Comments & Other Similar Social Data

Comments, Facebook Open Graph, & Other Similar Social Data.

The Loving Husband

A man had two of the best tickets for the opening State of Origin match. As he sits down, another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him…

football relationships sexist sport

What Rabbits Do

What rabbits do when humans go out…

animals imagery rabbits

Just Being A Cat

Dog attacks person. Put dog to sleep. Cat attacks person. LOL, jus’ bein’ a cat.

animals cats dogs imagery

I’m Really Afraid Of Johnny Depp

Research shows that if you’re afraid of spiders, you’re more likely to find one in your bedroom. I’m really afraid of Johnny Depp.

animals imagery johnny depp movie stars spiders

Temptation

Temptation, by a soon to be married man.

risqué

Little Green Balls Of Death

Little Green Balls of Death

food imagery

Random Number

A simple function to return a random number.

computers geeky

I Have A Cannon

You have a Nikon? I have a Cannon.

cameras cannons imagery nikon

Cat Bag

It’s a cat bag. Not too sure what else to say about this…

animals cats imagery

Sabrina Projects

Sabrina demonstrates the world’s finest projection equipment…

advertising boobs imagery sexist vintage

L33t H4x0r H4ml37

Tales for the L33T PATR TOO - HAMLET

animated flash geeky imagery

And Then I Said

And Then I Said… The Differences Between Boys & Girls.

dating imagery relationships sexist

Kim, Eat A Snickers

Kim Jong-un: I’m going to nuke everyone. Kim, eat a Snickers. Kim: Why? Because you turn into a war mongler when you’re hungry. Better? Kim: Better.

imagery kim jong-un north korea snickers

Video Games Don’t Make Us Violent – Lag Does!

Video games don’t make us violent – lag does!

computer games imagery

Winter Classes For Men

Winter Classes for Men at the Learning Centre for Adults

sexist

Free Air Guitars

Christmas Gift Ideas: Free Air Guitars.

guitars imagery music

CIA Assassin

The CIA had an opening for an assassin…

sexist

Punny Animals

Who ever invented the “knock-knock jokes” should get a no-bell prize!

animals beavers birds cats dogs fish frogs horses imagery puns rabbits zebra

Men Vs. Women

Men versus women…

sexist

Holiday Workout

Holiday Workout: Three corkscrews.

alcohol holidays imagery wine

A Woman’s Wish

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods…

sexist

How Could You Be So Insensitive?

How Could You Be So Insensitive? This is what it looks like from the other person’s perspective.

imagery sexist

Thinking Outside The Square

A sideways television.

imagery tv

Two Person Optical Illusion

Optical illusion: Keep your eyes on the cross, and see what happens.

animated imagery optical illusions

Simple Eye Examination Test

A simple eye examination chart.

imagery

I Think It Is Just Terrible And Disgusting How Everyone Has Treated Lance Armstrong

I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved, winning seven Tour de France races while on drugs. When I was on drugs, I couldn’t even find my bike.

cycling drugs sport

I’m Awkward When People Compliment Me…

I’m awkward when people compliment me… “Nice hair” Me: “Thanks, I grew it myself”

english words

Cockroach Cancer

Please, don’t throw your cigarette butts on the floor…

imagery

What Is A Sonofabitch?

What is a sonofab*tch, exactly?

imagery

Dishes

Dishes: They don’t do themselves.

dishes imagery

Too High

Quick! Grab my hand! I… I can’t! You’re too high! What?

drugs imagery

Future Man

So you’re saying people will “tweet” what they’re eating for breakfast?

facebook imagery internet

All Your Base...

All your base are belong to us.

all your base geeky imagery internet

More Expressions Than Kristen Stewart

Still more expressions than Kristen Stewart.

darth vader imagery kristen stewart

Ferrari Sack Pit Crew

The Ferrari Formula 1 Team fired their entire pit crew yesterday…

racist

Give A Man A Fish And He Has Food For A Day

Give a man a fish and he has food for a day. Teach a man to fish and he has to buy bamboo rods, graphite reels, monofilament lines, neoprene waders, creels, tackleboxes, lures, flies, spinners, worm rigs, slip sinkers, offset hooks, gore-tex hats, 20 pocket vests, fish finders, depth sounders, radar, boats, trailers, global positioning systems, coolers and six-packs.

animals boats fish fishing imagery

Spiderman

If Spiderman was a gay night-clubber…

animated imagery

Evolution: Stop Following Me!

The typical “evolution of man” poster, except the man is facing his “earlier ancestors” saying “Stop following me!”

evolution imagery

Your There

They’re they are.

english grammar

Spring Is Just Around The Corner

Finally… Spring is just around the corner.

imagery

Text Of A Letter From A Kid From Eromanga To Mum And Dad.

Text of a letter from a kid from Eromanga to Mum and Dad.

australia

Falling Cows

A roadsign showing a cow falling off a cliff and onto a car.

animals imagery

Finding Information In Hospital

A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph’s Hospital…

doctors hospitals

And I Was All Like, Pew Pew Pew!

And I was all like, pew pew pew! Pew pew pew! ‘Merica!

america guns imagery police racist

Realistic Remotes

Some more useful remote controls we would like to see.

imagery sexist

How Many Does It Take...

How many forum posters does it take to change a light bulb?

geeky

Stupid Child Efficiency Mop

Stupid Child Efficiency Mop. Wipe high-efficiently.

children cleaning imagery mops

How To Please Your IT Department

How to please your IT department.

geeky it

Something Wrong Officer?

Something wrong officer?

cars imagery

Police & Protesters Help Fat Man Remove Pants

Police & Protesters help fat man remove pants…

imagery police protests

Good Things Are Twice As Good In Cellophane

Good things are twice as good in Cellophane!

advertising babies imagery

Laminated Room

List of reasons why a room would have to contain a bucket and be almost entirely laminated: 1) Bad reasons.

imagery real estate

Yoga Emergency Hotline

Yoga Emergency Hotline, how may I help you?

helpline imagery phones yoga

Pooh Everywhere

Watch your step, there’s pooh everywhere!

imagery winnie the pooh

Reverse Mermaid

You are alone on an uninhabited island. Which of these would you choose as your companion?

fish imagery mermaids

Kiwi Pig Sheep

Voted Best Joke of the Year in Australia…

australia new zealand racist

Can Your Mac Do This?

Can your Mac do this? I don’t think so…

computers geeky imagery internet explorer mac windows

Black Jack Black

Black Jack Black eating Cracker Jack playing a black jack while playing BlackJack with Jack Black who is threatening Black Jack Black with a Black Jack.

blackjack cards games imagery

Stolen Generator

So I heard about the stolen generation…

aboriginal australia imagery racist the rock

Mum, What’s It Like To Have The Greatest Daughter In The World?

Mum, what’s it like to have the greatest daughter in the world? I don’t know dear… you’ll have to ask grandma.

daughters families imagery mothers

The Horror Of Blimps

Some blimps are better off dead…

toys

Kiwi Air Disaster

New Zealand’s worst air disaster occurred earlier today…

new zealand racist

Good & Obedient Wives

And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world…

marriage religious sexist wives

Used Cows

Used Cows for Sale.

animals imagery

Women Can’t Park

Who said that women can’t park?

brooms imagery parking sexist witches women

…and So It Was.

It’s a Bird! It’s a Plane!

imagery

Cook – That’s What Wives Are For!

The Chef does everything but cook – that’s what wives are for!

advertising cooking imagery sexist vintage

Hidden Giraffe

If you stare at this picture long enough you should be able to see a giraffe…

animals animated giraffes imagery

Our Education System

[To an assorted group of animals] Our Education System: For a fair selection everybody has to take the same exam: Please climb that tree.

animals dogs education elephants exams fish imagery monkeys penguins school seals

Scientific Breakthrough – Governmentium

A major research institution recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named Governmentium.

political

Diary Of An AOL Luser

Diary of an AOL Luser.

geeky internet

There Are Two Rules For Success

There are two rules for success: Never reveal everything you know…

advertising billboards imagery

Bribing Santa

Dear Santa, if you leave a new bike under the tree, I will give you the antidote to the poison I put in the milk.

imagery

Alcohol Research

Bum holding sign “Need Cash for Alcohol Research”.

alcohol imagery

Monster Energy Drinks & Rubiks Cubes

Monster energy drinks & Rubiks Cubes: Dude. You have a problem. Problem solved!

energy drinks geeky imagery rubiks cubes

I Usually Get 9/11

I don’t always get rated on my terrorism attacks, but when I do, I usually get 9/11.

al qaeda bin laden imagery political terrorism

Hazardous Materials Data Sheet – Woman

Hazardous Materials Data Sheet – Woman.

geeky imagery sexist women

24 Chickens

24 Chickens: The shoe rack at the front door…

imagery school

The Angry/Calm Illusion

The Angry/Calm Illusion.

illusion imagery

Six Die In Horror Smash

Six Die in Horror Smash.

beer imagery

Marriage Secrets Of Highly Successful Couples

Marriage secrets of highly successful couples.

imagery marriage men women

Fingers Move

I think you’re spending too much time on the computer. Your fingers move when you talk…

imagery

Seek And Find You…

I shall seek and find you…

medical

How To Be Black

How to be Black: An Instructional Book.

imagery racist

How To Know When You’ve Met A Democrat

Just in case you have trouble knowing when you’ve met a Democrat…

america democracy political

How Dishwashers Really Work

How dishwashers really work…

animals imagery

Guts Or Balls?

We’ve all heard about men having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them?

sexist

Common Belief

The belief that there was nothing…

religious

You Have Two Cows

The eponymous cows is used to demonstrate the advantages and flaws of certain economic systems.

america animals australia britain cows india irish political

All This Technology Is Making Us Antisocial

All this technology is making us antisocial: A tram full of people ignoring each other and reading the newspaper.

imagery newspapers technology

Vote Odin

The left wing said they’d abolish poverty; right wing said they’d abolish bureaucracy. Odin said he’d abolish ice giants. Where are the ice giants? Vote Odin!

imagery odin political

Politically Correct Primer

A politically correct primer.

political

**** I Forgot To Turn Off The Oven

**** I forgot to turn off the oven.

imagery

Seven Sharks

If you own 7 cats then people will think you’re crazy…

animals imagery

Suffering From Capitalism

Feeling sad and depressed? Are you anxious? Worried about the future? Feeling isolated and alone? You might be suffering from Capitalism.

capitalism imagery political

Hard To Pay Fine

Touching wires causes instant death…

imagery

Beware The Grapes Of Wrath

Beware the Grapes of Wrath.

fruit grapes imagery

Australian Condoms

New Zealand runs out of condoms…

australia condoms new zealand racist risqué

Valentine Hand

Of course I’ll be your valentine. Let’s stay home and watch some porn.

hands imagery risqué valentine’s day

Dear Thigh Fat

Help the needy?

Dear Dog

Dear Dog… a letter from the cat.

animals cats dogs imagery

Superman’s Social Network Nightmare

Superman’s Social Network Nightmare.

imagery

Self Referencing Homework

What has been your greatest accomplishment so far?

homework imagery school

Math Joke

Math joke.

jokes math

Canada Has A Serious Epidemic

Protect yourself and others from the flute.

canada flutes imagery signs

Mayans Predicting The Future

Calm down… If the Mayans were good at predicting the future, there would still be Mayans.

mayans predictions

Keyboards

Amusing Keyboards

computers geeky imagery

Punctuation Is Powerful.

Punctuation is powerful.

sexist

Look, Sir. Droids!

These are not the droids you are looking for.

droids imagery star wars

Dye Job

Check out the dye job on her? Tramp!

easter eggs imagery

Annual Meeting Of Time Travellers

Annual Meeting of Time Travellers.

cars imagery time travel

Diesel

Hey, wanna know what I put in my car?

cars imagery movies

Minecraft: Create A Simple Door

Describe a process that could be used to create a simple door.

computer games education games imagery internet minecraft school tests

Perfect Existence

Perfect Existence: The Proof

Please, Dave… Please Don’t Let Me Be Locked Out From You!

Please, Dave… please don’t let me be locked out from you! For complete feminine hygiene rely on Lysol – a concentrated germ-killer!

advertising feminine hygiene imagery sexist vintage

Cannot Find The Damn File

Cannot find the damn file…

geeky internet

How To Fix Any Computer

A comprehensive guide to fixing any computer.

apple computers geeky linux mac windows

The Correct Way To Spell Potato

The correct way to spell potato is “GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU”.

english vegetables

Psychiatric Answering Machine

A Psychiatric Office Answering Machine.

audio

Sisters Of St Francis

Sisters of St. Francis House of Prostitution…

religious risqué

If Dr Seuss Was A Technical Writer

If Dr Seuss Was A Technical Writer.

geeky

Shortest Horror Story: Monday

Shortest horror story: Monday.

imagery mondays

Interesting ATM

Man using a sexually provocative ATM.

imagery risqué sexist

The Hypnotist

It was entertainment night at the senior centre and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill…

risqué

They See Us Rollin’

They See Us Rollin’… We Aren’t…

illusion imagery

Punography

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me…

jokes punography puns

Scrabble Jokes

I accidentally swallowed some scrabble tiles… My next dump could spell disaster.

imagery jokes scrabble

Blackboard

School kid writing Code on blackboard as punishment.

geeky imagery

Black Bears

Uh oh Howard. Looks like this area has black bears…

animals imagery racist

Round Illusion

Unusual round illusion.

illusion imagery

The Street Is Closed

Oh no—we’re trapped in here. The street is closed.

comics imagery

When A Woman Says “what?”

When a woman says “what?”, it’s not because she didn’t hear you. She’s giving you a chance to change what you said.

sexist women

Unusual EBay Feedback

A+++! Would read this amusing page again…

geeky

Will Not Load Fully

This picture will not load fully!

imagery

Secrets To A Happy Marriage

Secrets to a Happy Marriage…

marriage sexist

Fifteen Things To Do At The Supermarket…

Fifteen things to do at the supermarket while your spouse is taking their sweet time…

Believe In Reincarnation

Yeah, well, I didn’t believe in reincarnation when I was your age, either.

imagery religious

Santa’s Stressful Christmas

Santa’s Stressful Christmas

risqué

Speed Camera

Speed camera revenge…

cars police

Will Be President For Food

Boy sitting next to sign “No Campaigning beyond This Point” holding sign “Will Be President for Food”.

imagery political

Furniture Training

Furniture training for one of their main purposes in life…

imagery

Helpful Hints

Helpful Hints

Holiday House

The Holiday House

imagery

I See Dumb People

I see dumb people… They are everywhere!

imagery

Girlfriends: Harry Potter Versus Twilight

Ginny: When Harry broke up with me for my safety…

imagery movies romance

I Was Going To Make A Joke About A Bank, But Then I Lost Interest…

I was going to make a joke about a bank, but then I lost interest…

banks imagery

A Ship Shipping Ship Shipping Shipping Ships.

A ship shipping ship shipping shipping ships.

imagery ships

The All Blacks Bra

Introducing the New Zealand All Blacks Bra. All the support, but no cup.

bras imagery new zealand racist risqué sport

My Computer Hard Drive Crashed. NSA Won’t Send Me Their Backup Copy.

My computer hard drive crashed. NSA won’t send me their backup copy.

america imagery political spying

Best Way To Freak Out Your Friends

Best way to freak out your friends: Do not open unless you plan to kill it (written on an upside down container)

imagery

Book Club

My book club only reads wine labels.

alcohol books imagery wine

OCD Bricks

The worst thing that can happen to an OCD person…

bricks footpaths imagery ocd

Boob Staring

Shirt: Please tell your boobs to quit staring at my eyes.

boobs imagery risqué

Amusing Chat

Humour from the world of Internet Chat

geeky internet

Road Rage

Two cars were waiting at a stoplight. The light turned green, but the man didn’t notice it…

cars religious

The 2011 Adelaide Earthquake

The 2011 Adelaide Earthquake: We will rebuild.

adelaide australia chairs disaster earthquake imagery

First Time Seeing Fireworks

A baby sees fireworks for the first time.

animated babies fireworks imagery

Milkshake Meets Door

A woman runs into a door carrying two milkshakes.

accident food imagery

Go Home Bus, You’re Drunk!

Go home bus, you’re drunk!

buses imagery

Statistics That Matter: The Pie Chart

A new take on the traditional pie… chart.

imagery

Marketing

Marketing…

imagery

Feeling Sluggish

I’ve been feeling a bit sluggish…

animals imagery slugs

I Just Burned 1500 Calories In About Five Minutes

I just burned 1500 calories in about five minutes. I forgot the pizza was in the oven.

food imagery pizza

Flying Sharks

Flying sharks… we’re screwed.

animals imagery sharks

Everything You Wanted To Know About Phobias

Everything you wanted to know about Phobias (but were afraid to ask)

books imagery phobias

Australian Monopoly

Australian Monopoly: St Marys to Penrith Special Edition.

australia games imagery monopoly

How To Change Your Oil

How to Change your Oil: A guide for men & women…

cars sexist

Ball-type Deodorant

Her: Is it the ball-type deodorant you want sir? Him: Oh no miss – it’s for under my arms!

imagery shops

Procrastination Issues

I’m taking care of my procrastination issues; just you wait and see.

imagery

Emoticons

Lots of emoticons…

imagery

Rhino Painting

A rhinoceros painting…

africa animals imagery

Biology, Multiplication And Division

Biology – the only science where multiplication and division mean the same thing…

biology imagery math

This Banana Tastes Funny

“This banana tastes funny” – George Bush.

bananas food george bush imagery

The Winner Of The “Not My Job” Award

The Winner of the “Not My Job” Award goes to…

awards imagery jobs roads work

Better Than A Flu Shot

Better than a Flu Shot

medical risqué

The Boss’s Quandary

The Boss’s Quandary…

risqué work

Telstra Customer Service

An insight into the Telstra Customer Service Experience.

audio

Jack’s Phone

Why aren’t you answering…?

imagery phones

Now Airtight

Now airtight… to prevent aging!

babies imagery

Monopoly Money For Fake Boobs

I think it’s only fair to throw monopoly money at strippers with fake boobs.

imagery money monopoly strippers

Angry Pumpkin Man

Angry Pumpkin Man: Come at me bro!

halloween imagery pumpkins vegetables

Better Memory

What do we want? Better memory! When do we want it? Want what?

imagery memory protests rallies

Nothing To Do

In case of nothing to do, break glass and then sweep up broken glass.

imagery work

Where Was I Before I Was So Rudely Interrupted?

[Kevin Rudd] Where was I before I was so rudely interrupted?

australia imagery julia gillard kevin rudd political

Peanut Delivery

Peanut Delivery…

food imagery

A Teaser

You must stare very closely at the door in this image for around 30 seconds…

animated imagery

A Redneck Love Poem

Susie Lee done fell in love…

racist redneck

Test Your Subconscious

This revolutionary test will expose the secret desires from your subconscious…

risqué

Video Games Ruined My Life

Video games ruined my life. Good thing I have two more.

computer games imagery

Doctor Bob Had Sex With One Of His Patients…

Doctor Bob had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long…

animals risqué

Slimming Drink

You look so much better after a glass or two!

alcohol imagery

Well, That Escalated Quickly

Well, that escalated quickly.

guns imagery mp3 mp4 mp5

“Understanding Women” Now Available In Paperback

The book “Understanding Women” is now available in paperback!

books imagery sexist

Flying – Because Golf Only Takes One Ball

Flying – because softball, baseball, football, basketball, soccer, bowling and golf only take one ball.

flying imagery sport

Steady Hand – A Game Of Skill

A game of skill, requiring a steady hand and keen eye – make sure you play at least the first two levels…

flash imagery

Times Change

…but other things don’t.

computers imagery

Australia And Mateship

Mateship amongst Men & Women: The differences…

sexist

I Will Deprive You Of Sex

I will deprive you of sex all night with my crying and then suck on your wife’s tits in the morning.

babies imagery risqué

Va-Rice-Ity: My Man Likes Something Unexpected…

My man likes something unexpected now and then. That’s why I serve him rice.

advertising imagery rice risqué sexist vintage

Driver Is Fully Naked

Driver carries less than $50 cash and is fully naked.

cars imagery trucks

But God, She Won’t Even Make Me A Sandwich…

But God, She Won’t Even Make Me a Sandwich…

food imagery sexist

Honesty: Your Greatest Weakness

Interviewer: What would you consider to be your greatest weakness?

imagery jobs work

Above The Law Like A Boss

Above the law like a boss: removing a wheel clamp.

cars imagery

May The 4th Be With You

If today is “May the 4th be with you” does that mean tomorrow is “revenge of the 5th?”

dates imagery

Fire Distinguisher

Fire Distinguisher: Yep, that’s fire…

fire imagery

Regrets

I stay up late every night, and realise it’s a bad idea every morning.

animals birds imagery owls regrets

IPad Stone

iPad versus a stone.

geeky imagery

Went To The Moon, Took 5 Photos. Went To The Bathroom, Took 37 Photos.

Went to the moon, took 5 photos. Went to the bathroom, took 37 photos.

girls imagery moon photography sexist space women

Like If You Can Raed Tihs

Like if you can raed tihs whit no porlqebm baecuas yuor jsut taht sarmt.

english imagery

Men & Women In Sport

Women: No problem girls… I can go on. Men: Ahhhh! I’m dying.

imagery injuries sexist sport

Achilles’ Heel

You got a dog?! Yup! His name is Achilles…

animals dogs imagery

Message From Your IT Deptartment

Message from your IT Deptartment…

computers geeky

Dog Poo Bin

If your dog does a poo please put it in a litter bin.

animals dogs imagery

Meth: Before & After

Meth: Before & After (or R2-D2 versus R2-FU).

drugs imagery meth r2-d2 robots star wars

Geology

Name the three types of rock.

geology imagery school

Mayans Predicting The Hobbit Movie

Keep calm. The Mayans were simply counting down to The Hobbit movie.

mayans movies predictions the hobbit tolkien

The Bank Account Gas Ratio

The depressing ratio between your bank account, and your gas tank.

cars imagery petrol

Lance Armstrong Fiction Books

All non-fiction Lance Armstrong books including “Lance Armstrong: Images of a Champion”, “The Lance Armstrong Peprformance Program” and “Lance Armstrong: World’s Greatest Champion” will soon be moved to the fiction section.

books imagery lance armstrong libraries

If Penguins Have Knees

3 out of 4 voices in my head want to sleep (the other wants to know if penguins have knees!)

animals penguins sleep

Mayan’s Beta Calendar Bug

…to get to the point; why does your calendar end in 2012? Oh, that’s just a temporary problem in the beta version!

betas bugs calendars cartoons imagery mayans

Drafting Guys Over 60

New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 60!

imagery seniors war

The Ant And The Grasshopper

The Original Story of the Ant and the Grasshopper.

australia democracy political racist

Pregnancy & Women: Questions

Pregnancy & Women: Frequently Asked Questions

Unprepared For An Exam

Ever gone into an exam having not studied at all?

imagery school

Dog Tongue

A dog with a very long tongue.

animals animated dogs imagery tongues

Wong Fook Hing Book Store

If you cannot find the book that you are looking for, then you’re obviously in the… Wong Fook Hing Book Store!

books imagery racist shops

The Most Difficult Thing To Explain To Someone From The 1950s

If someone from the 1950s suddenly appeared today, what would be the most difficult thing to explain to them about life today?

history imagery

The Pope Is Busted

After getting all of Pope John Paul’s luggage loaded into the limo…

religious

Network Truths

The Twelve Networking Truths.

geeky it

But These Are For Girls

But these are for girls… Holy Crap! I look fabulous!

animals cats glasses imagery

Hey, Bug On My Back…

Hey, bug on my back, are you a mite? I mite be. Stupidest pun I ever heard…

animals bugs flies imagery joke mites

Abbott And Costello Go To Washington

Abbott And Costello Go To Washington.

political

What Is The Smallest Calibre You Trust To Protect Yourself?

I remember one time while hiking with my girlfriend in northern Alberta and out of nowhere came this huge brown bear charging us, and was she mad!

animals bears guns imagery

Browser Wars

Browser Wars: Chrome versus Firefox… and Internet Explorer…

browsers chrome firefox geeky imagery internet internet explorer

Ancient Japanese Proverb

Ancient Japanese Proverb. If you cannot understand Japanese, tilt your head to the right…

imagery risqué

Proof That Not Knowing Everything Is The Best Way To Go

Proof that not knowing everything is the best way to go.

imagery

Make Some More Mistakes

I’ve learned so much from my mistakes… I’m thinking of making a few more.

imagery mistakes posters

Ninja Exit

Ninja Exit Only

imagery ninjas

Long Dogs

A man walking two long dogs meets a man walking two normal dogs…

animals dogs imagery snakes

Mini Cooper

A guy driving a Mini Cooper pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce…

cars

Saved A Fish From Drowning

Here is a heart warming picture of a little girl that saved a fish from drowning.

animals fish girls imagery

To Punch A Dolphin In The Mouth

5 very good reasons to punch a dolphin in the mouth.

animals books dolphins imagery libraries

I. Like. It. How. When. You. Read. This. The. Little. Voice. In. Your. Head. Takes. Pauses.

I. Like. It. How. When. You. Read. This. The. Little. Voice. In. Your. Head. Takes. Pauses.

grammar

Suicidal Bananas

A collection of suicidal bananas.

bananas food imagery suicide

Illusions

Warning: May induce epilepsy or cardiac arrest…

animated flash illusion imagery

English

Let’s face it - English is a crazy language.

english grammar

Elephant Bone

…just to confuse future archaeologists.

imagery

Orders From A Rock

[On a rock] Turn me over. You just took orders from a rock.

imagery rocks

Firefox Has Encountered…

…an unexpected problem with Windows.

geeky imagery internet

Get Well Soon

A raccoon lies dead on the road, holding a “get well soon” balloon.

animals imagery raccoons

Vegetative State

Vegetative State.

imagery

No Public Motor Boating Permitted

No public motor boating permitted.

imagery risqué signs

Australian Kiss

Australian Kiss: same as a French Kiss… but down under.

australia france imagery racist risqué

Procrastination

Have a little look at the Internet…

imagery internet

Appealing Attire

I find this attire… appeeling.

bananas fruit imagery

Mac Weed

A take-off of the Apple Macintosh switch ads.

advertising apple computers geeky imagery mac

A Cow Getting A Back Scratch

A cow getting a back scratch.

animals cows imagery

Facebook Sex

Taking status updates too far.

facebook imagery risqué

Nothing Is Written In Stone

Nothing is Written in Stone…

imagery stone

Baby Instructions

Some useful instructions to keep baby alive and well…

babies imagery instructions

Facebook Farm

A dying granny tells her granddaughter, “I want to leave you my farm…

facebook internet

Mayan Joke Set-Up

Heh… I’ve just thought of a joke with the longest set-up ever! Cool! I’ll fetch a scribe…

imagery joke mayans predictions

Ex Wife

The police came to my front door last night holding a picture of my ex-wife…

sexist

Label Instructions

French Label Instructions

political

Your Child Is Being Eaten By A Camel

Your child is being eaten by a camel. Do you… a) Save your child, or b) Take a photo?

animals camels children donkeys imagery

Mr. Tea

Mr. Tea the teapot.

imagery tea

Little Kid Lover

I’m signing up for an online dating service. I just need to pick a username. “Little Kid Lover”, that way people will know where my priorities are at.

children dating imagery internet risqué

Carrot Love

When carrots get kinky…

food imagery risqué

Non-stick Frypan

A stuck non-stick frypan…

cooking frypans imagery

Sharks Are A Lot Friendlier Without Pointy Teeth

Went to the moon, took 5 photos. Went to the bathroom, took 37 photos.

animals imagery sharks

Celibacy

Many aspects of human sexuality are very puzzling…

sexist

Disclaimer, Copyright & Contact Information

Feel free to send me anything you think might amuse me.

Physical Fitness

This department requires no physical fitness program.

work

Anatidaephobia

Anatidaephobia is the fear that somewhere in the world, there is a duck watching you.

anatidaephobia animals ducks imagery

I’m So Sick Of Not Being Understood!

I’m so sick of not being understood! What do you mean?

imagery

Banana Phone

It’s a banana phone…

bananas food imagery phones

Chosen One

I’m the chosen one…

imagery phones sms

Always Wear Underwear

Always wear underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle…

mechanics underwear

A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN

A message to the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.

america britain political queen elizabeth ii queens racist royalty

A Mosquito With A Helmet

Mosquitos flying towards a car.

cars imagery mosquitos

Apostrophe, Catastrophe

Apostrophe, Catastrophe.

imagery

T-Rex Making A Bed

When you’re upset just imagine a T-Rex making a bed.

animals beds dinosaurs imagery

IE Retarded

I hope he doesn’t say something retarded…

browsers chrome firefox geeky imagery internet internet explorer opera safari

Melt Ice With My Mind

I can melt ice with my mind… just give me a few minutes…

ice imagery mindpower

An Angry Child

If she doesn’t put me down in about two seconds, I will be forced to use my fist!

children imagery parenting

Battery Fully Charged. Unplug Charger.

In what is perhaps one of the more stupid “features” on my Samsung Galaxy Note, when it reaches full charge, it lights up its screen and pops up and audible alert saying “Battery fully charged. Unplug charger.” As I charge my phone at night, it is effectively an extremely annoying unwanted wake-up call.

android galaxy note imagery phones samsung technology

Drop The Bass

Can’t go fishing, ‘cause I always drop the bass…

animals djs fishing imagery music

Executive Test

The following short quiz consists of four questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a “professional”…

work

Halloween Squirrel

A squirrel got its head stuck in a Halloween decoration and terrified a neighbourhood…

animals halloween imagery squirrels

Modern Day Message In A Bottle

A USB stick in a bottle lying on the beach.

bottles imagery messages usb

Worst Apocalypse Ever

[A grumpy cat the day the Mayan calendar ended] “Still Here. Worst Apocalypse Ever.”

animals cats imagery mayans predictions

Wife Of Pi

He’s irrational and he goes on and on…

imagery math pi

Sorry For Party Rocking

Sorry for Party Rocking: Driver jumps from burning bus, party bus explodes in Inala.

australia buses explosions imagery inala

Israeli Settlers

Of course we want peace–this piece and this piece and this piece and this piece…

imagery israeli palestinian political racist

I Said Be Quiet! Don’t Make Me Come In There!

I said be quiet! Don’t make me come in there!

animals imagery kangaroos

Mergers

Amusing mergers.

work

Zombie Evolution

The evolution of Zombies

evolution imagery zombies

The World’s Funniest Joke

The World’s Funniest Joke…

animals imagery joke

I Used To Smile… Until I Worked Retail.

I used to smile… until I worked retail.

animals cats imagery work

Bacon Tree

Back in cowboy times, a westbound wagon train was lost and low on food…

jewish racist

Ten Things Men Know About Women

Ten things men know about women…

boobs sexist

Toilet Paper

A piece of toilet paper saving another piece…

imagery toilet paper

Bird Flu

I’m not worried about this bird flu…

imagery

I’m Batman

SMS conversation between Tim and Batman.

batman imagery iphone phones sms

Honked At A Prius

Honked at a Prius, scared the crap out of it.

cars imagery

Monica

Monica walks into her dry cleaning store…

risqué

Quite Literally…

I phone, you tube. Hi honey, I’m home. Chocolate milk shake.

chocolate geeky homes honey imagery milk phones

Confused Carpentry

A Carpenter’s Nightmare.

illusion imagery