English — Ned Martin’s Amused

Reasons Why English is so Hard to Learn

Let’s face it - English is a crazy language. There is neither egg in an eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. You park in the driveway, but you drive on the parkway. You ship by truck and send cargo by ship. How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on. When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And finally, how about when you want to shut down your computer you have to hit “START”!