Unix Commands — Ned Martin’s Amused

I take no reponsibility for any of these:

We've been playing around with our Unix shells here,
and have come up with a few gems. Note that the '%' prompt
indicates the C shell, while the '$' prompt indicates the
Bourne shell. Go ahead and try some.

% scan for <<"Arnold Schwarzenegger"
"Arnold Schwarzenegger": << terminator not found

% ar m God
ar: God does not exist

% "How would you rate Quayle's incompetence?

% ^How did the sex change^operation go?
Modifier failed.

% If I had a ( for every $ the Congress spent, what would I have?
Too many ('s.

% make love
Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.

% sleep with me
bad character

% got a light?
No match.

% man: why did you get a divorce?
man:: Too many arguments.

% ^What is saccharine?
Bad substitute.

% %blow
%blow: No such job.

% cat 'the can of tuna'
cat: cannot open the can of tuna

$ mkdir matter; cat>matter
matter: cannot create

$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!

$ drink <bottle; opener
bottle: cannot open
opener: not found