American History 101 — Ned Martin’s Amused
American History 101
It was the first day of school and a new student, Suzuki, son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade class. The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American history.
“Who said, ‘Give me Liberty or give me Death’?” She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki’s.
“Patrick Henry 1775,” he said.
“Very good! Who said ‘...government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth’?”
Again, no response, except from Suzuki. “Abraham Lincoln, 1863.”
The teacher snapped, “Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do.”
She heard a loud whisper, “Screw the Japs.”
“Who said that?” she demanded.
Suzuki raised his hand: “Lee Iacocca, 1982.”
At that point a student said, “I’m gonna puke.” The teacher glared and asked, “All right! Who said that?”
Suzuki says, “George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.”
Furious, another student yells, “Oh yeah? Suck this!”
Suzuki jumps up waving his hand and shouts, “Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!”
With near mob hysteria, someone screams, “You little sh*t. If you say anything else, I’ll kill you.”
Suzuki yells, “Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001.”
At this, the teacher fainted. The class gathered around her.
One of the kids says, “Oh sh*t, we’re in BIG trouble!”
Suzuki says, “Arthur Andersen, 2002.”